Tracing meridians for energy and health

I’ve done this and it feels great. Donna Eden shows how to trace the meridians (energy paths) in the body in order to feel energized. She is one of the speakers on the tapping conference on day 6 or 7, she’s still on now in my timezone. She is in the blue room, scroll down from the red and green room.

I have a new hypotheses: follow the happy people and see where it brings me.

I am happy that I quit, that still works, so that’s good. Had tiny urges last Friday after having done some very dusty and physical construction (well demolition) work at a friends and biking home in the spring sun suddenly made me ache for a beer. Guessing that is how I ‘learned’ to drink: work hard with my parents constructing a new house and drink beer after. Also the energy of nature awakening and the general feeling of ‘spring’ in the air to me is a little unsettling, getting in high spirits that I would usually let go of by drinking a lot, possibly in combination with taking a guy home from a pub. So…. that was informative. I guess I’ll need to keep an eye on that high spirits aspect in the coming weeks/months. Use if for something. Like spring cleaning 🙂 or sports :-).

I want: tot get organised but I still do not want to take that last step where I decide. Maybe, maybe I should take it easy on me and just do a little thing like not

I need: to get organised, and I feel I’m almost ready to accept that. I’m getting frustrated with how little I do in a day, even though I now wake up at 7:00 in the morning.

I want to: get organised but I still do not want to put the effort in. Just waiting for that rock-bottom? Learned a lot from Brad (?) on the procrastinating tapping interview. Where he tells (very free ‘quotes’) ‘While procrastinating we actually think that we take good care of ourselves – that is why and how we hang onto it.’ ‘If we procrastinate seriously we wait for rock-bottom to actually finally take action we are inspired by misery and somehow only think that doing stuff must be miserable’. These insights were (are?) very valuable to me. And now I come to think of it: procrastinating is one of my biggest ‘black holes’. I am so in denial that I do not even look for answers, I might listen if/when they happen to be on my path but otherwise? I can look up 10.001 things on the net, read books but never about this. Very uncomfortable with it. I feel as if I have ‘done so much already’ with quitting drinking.

I take: yeah, well, something funny here, I take Magnesium salt for (against…) a tiny muscle that tics above my eyelid but it is not going away and another effect that should be going away ‘being hungry after a meal’ has suddenly developed. It is strange. And expensive. And fattening :-D. Need to look up how this works. In Bach remedies or homeopathic medicine it can sometimes happen that at first things get worse. That means that the remedy is correct but the dose or strength is not. Hmmm, need to feel into that. Nah, don’t feel like it. 😀

I hope you have a nice day/evening/morning. 🙂

xx, Feeling

Tired

Don’t know what to write, I’m just tired of the events of yesterday and going to bed at 02:00 hours after speaking with my brother for a while. Had a bad dream I can’t really remember, something about odorex poisoning (?) that made me throw up but thanks to the cat; lately she wakes me up when I have  bad dreams by tapping her paw on my arm or face and meowing with concern. She is sooooo sweet.

Yesterday in the morning the nutritionist and I met and I told her about my affair with alcohol and also gave her the address of my blog. And now it becomes funny because I had not realised that I would write about the meeting but she (Hi!!! :-)) would also possibly read it. Hmmmm. No matter, it was a good meeting. What I really like about the approach is that it is holistic; all aspects of life that are important to a human being to function in our society are being looked at. This includes foods but also joy, education, housing, work etc. I’m excited to start. 🙂

Also, we touched on the subject of forgiveness, and where I had been ranting on Dustin John’s blog about ‘I don’t trust people who preach forgiveness and force it upon people, I always wonder what they have got up their sleeve and what they are refusing us to realise.’ – I now finally got an inkling of the feeling and freedom of forgiveness and the energy it sets free. And now looking at my history and personality (and reading back in the blog!) I can suddenly see that there is a lot of resentment in me. People have told me so for years but I always thought I ‘Circumstances justify what I feel.’ With the addition; so sod off. Even my face looks discontent when relaxed. I really dislike that. Not only because it is ugly but also because it is repulsive. Oh, did I tell you I deal in judgements?

On the ranting, I do a lot of that. We had not even touched that subject but I suddenly came to see that just because of the way the nutritionist expresses herself. It just made me wonder what all the shouting and opinions are all about. 🙂 Good. Rest. Not having to blow myself up as a balloon to be seen or heard. Peace.

I got some homework in forms to fill in on my medical background and eating pattern that I need to fill in. Going do that tomorrow.In the afternoon counsellor 2 dropped by at my place. We know each other from about 28 years back. He’s gotten into trouble with alcohol and has gotten himself out too, he’s around day 500. 🙂 A while ago he started a training for addiction counsellor for which he needs guinea pigs. Here I am! :-)We started of with a meal to re-acquaint and continued with the official part. What was really funny that within the scheme of the questioning there also was a place for speaking about the exact opposite of the feelings that are experienced as negative.

So I mentioned feeling disconnected and the next question were; how does that feel AND how would it feel or be to feel not connected.I now also know that I prefer disconnected and lonely and single over connected and with company and being in a relation.

It was freeing to speak with somebody on getting sober. It also made me crave. I am guessing that having to do this on my own makes me vigilant. Speaking with somebody that knows makes me drop my guard et voilà; in come the cravings. Later I noticed that for myself I am VERY strict in condemning alcohol. Not in any second, not one half toe is allowed off the path. Not even in reference to ‘I used to drink and I used to like it.’ This is forbidden by me in my life because alcohol is NOT romantic. It is a drug that ruins and kills, etc. etc. But now I found that I can’t really tell others what to do or think. OK, I know you are not buying that, yes, I did tell. And I did give him a book too. Surprised? 😀

Looking back I maybe should not have done 2 of these types of meetings on one day with my brother coming over as well later for a sleepover because he had been to a concert in the neighbourhood. We had a talk, it was a beginning. But I should be editing here now because now non-professional people who know my brother also might read the blog.

He actually opened with: ‘I feel sorry and guilty that I have not been seeing a lot of people lately, you included’.

‘Whenever I come to your place you are gaming and say that you are too busy to be in contact.’

And he continued: ‘Last time you were at our place I did not feel I was welcome anyhow.’ This was the time where I internally tried to process damage done by friends of his more that 30 years ago and he nicely mentioned that I ‘could make a trauma out of everything’. Yes, let’s not be traumatized by attempted rape and your brother laughing about it. Good idea! Saves us a shitload of worries. Which in itself is true. It’s just, how to get there?

I did not reply, I could not. I am thinking of writing him a letter. Or maybe I should work it through with my therapist first in order to maybe give it a place. And maybe I should not be blogging about my brother now people that he knows also know this blog. Need to edit.

I am tired. Trying to close myself off for possible damage and still keeping an opening for real conversation at the same time is tiring. And the sun is shining outside. I should not be moaning inside but be happy outside. That’s what I am going to do.

I am happy that I quit even though this is the first time that I find it difficult. I want Cola!! I should not have cola because I can not deal with caffeine AND because it is part of my drinking history. Closely linked addiction. I want to drown all the family stuff. I am sad. I miss my brother so much, how it used to be, where we understood each other without speaking and now we ‘talk’, more like ‘discuss’ and he keeps on telling me how I should do stuff and lead my life and change my views. Men and their ways of telling women how to live their lives….. Pfffffff!! Grrrrrrrr. And me, not ever considering that he could be hurt too because he takes this domineering ‘know it all’ position.

Next time I’ll try to speak, maybe start of with saying I would like us to talk more and discuss less. His heart is good.

The sun is out here, going to enjoy that.

Urge surfing

Getting sober has introduced a whole new language to me. How about ‘training the sober muscle’ or this one: urge surfing? It is about when you have a craving and you don’t run away from it but stay with it. It describes very well what I did when reading Jason Vale’s book on quitting with drinking. I still drank at that time. That made it easier to get all the information in and discover some new terrain without being fearful.

WARNING: DON’T READ THIS WHEN YOU HAVE DIFFICULTY WITH CRAVINGS. I found the text brought cravings back.

Quote from Helpguide.org

QUOTE

When you’re struggling with alcohol cravings, try these strategies:

• Talk to someone you trust: your sponsor, a supportive family member or friend, or someone from your faith community.
• Distract yourself until the urge passes. Go for a walk, listen to music, do some housecleaning, run an errand, or tackle a quick task.
• Remind yourself of your reasons for not drinking. When you’re craving alcohol, there’s a tendency to remember the positive effects of drinking and forget the negatives. Remind yourself that drinking won’t really make you feel better.
• Accept the urge and ride it out, instead of trying to fight it. This is known as “urge surfing.” Think of your craving as an ocean wave that will soon crest, break, and dissipate. When you ride out the craving, without trying to battle, judge, or ignore it, you’ll see that it passes more quickly than you’d think.

The 3 basic steps of urge surfing:

• Take an inventory of how you experience the craving. Do this by sitting in a comfortable chair with your feet flat on the floor and your hands in a comfortable position. Take a few deep breaths and focus your attention inward. Allow your attention to wander through your body. Notice where in your body you experience the craving and what the sensations are like. Notice each area where you experience the urge, and tell yourself what you are experiencing. For example, “My craving is in my mouth and nose and in my stomach.”
• Focus on one area where you are experiencing the urge. Notice the exact sensations in that area. For example, do you feel hot, cold, tingly, or numb? Are your muscles tense or relaxed? How large an area is involved? Notice the sensations and describe them to yourself. Notice the changes that occur in the sensation. “My mouth feels dry and parched. There is tension in my lips and tongue. I keep swallowing. As I exhale, I can imagine the smell and tingle of booze.”
• Repeat the focusing with each part of your body that experiences the craving. Describe to yourself the changes that occur in the sensations. Notice how the urge comes and goes. Many people, when they urge surf, notice that after a few minutes the craving has vanished. The purpose of this exercise, however, is not to make the craving go away but to experience the craving in a new way. If you practice urge surfing, you will become familiar with your cravings and learn how to ride them out until they go away naturally.

Source: National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism

UNQUOTE