Emotional sobriety

I think I have come to the point where I can say that for me, with my addictive personality and the way my body reacts to things I can not be emotionally sober without quitting sugar. As far as I know myself I can not do the in-between, I always do ‘yes’ or ‘no’. typical addict trait, typical trait of a person with vanishing twin syndrome.

I do not have it in me to stop right now I think. But I will continue this because I need 100% of me for my project. So I will continue to deal as I started when quitting drinking: Keep on writing down the questions that come up. Try to find answers to what is most pressing. Breaking things up into small bite size pieces. ‘How to stop drinkingΒ  / quit eating sugar?’ becomes:

How can I stop drinking? I don’t know.

How would I learn? -> I would ask somebody who has stopped drinking. Or people who tell others how to stop drinking.

I don’t know where to find these people? -> Google Is Your Friend.

But then my computer history is going to be about drinking and I don’t want that to be so obvious. -> How do I delete / turn of the internet surf history -> Ask your teenage boy/girl…. πŸ˜‰ or the help page of your browser.

Ooh my, there are so many organisations. Where do I go? -> write down what you like, go with your gut feeling or sort on price or Google for ‘compare detox centres’ or something like that.

Hey, there are several way to deal with quitting drinking. How do I choose? -> Inform yourself well and given time you will come up with what suits you best.

And in the whole process things like this pop up: There are organisations which help people. Do I need help? NO!!! At which moment I think to notice self-sabotage. So: ok, is that true? If I look at it from the outside it is probably not true. But I don’t want to get help because it will make me feel addicted and I do no want that? Am I addicted? How much do other people drink? (Google is your friend) What is a safe maximum of drinks. Oooh, 14, that is ok, I only do X. Ooh! 14 Is per week. Aaah…. Hmmm :-/ Ok. I need some time to adjust here. Let’s take a …. oh no… Gosh! I might actually have a problem?!

Googling stuff works, but sometimes also brings one further from home than is functional. And specifically being open to examine the internal sabotage helps immensely. Then at some point things fall into place. And with that; keep on starting over and over and over again till you are where you need to be.

Or as they say πŸ˜‰

goodjudgmentcomesfromexperience

But hey! todayisthefirstdayoftherestofyourlife

And at some point the shit that weighs you down will not allow you to feel like there is a future. It is important to deal with shit in your life. Also, it is important to ever when you are ready, realise that you ARE not the shit in your life. You are NOT what happened to you.

considerforamomentwhatyoucallyourpersonality

Nobody ever woke up saying: “I want to be an addict.”. Ever.

I realise that if I ‘just’ quit sugar I would safe myself a whole lot of time. πŸ˜€ Not sure if I can. Not pushing. I am pushing the no chocolate to a certain extend but not the no sugar. Yet.

I am very happy that I quit. Specifically now I feel progress within me again. πŸ™‚

A woman who loves herself would go do what she planned to do. πŸ™‚

Wishing you a nice sober weekend!

xx, Feeling

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