Free online summit: Healing Trauma

Hello,

Sounds True holds a free online summit on the subject of Healing Trauma. The 10 day summit starts June 4th.

A copy-paste from their website introduction here:

Welcome to the healing trauma summit

Do you have clients or loved ones who face the emotional wounds of trauma each day? Or are you yourself struggling with the effects of trauma, either from childhood or recent events?

Whether it’s natural disasters, war, acts of violence, early-life experiences, or even a car accident or major surgeryβ€”so many people live with the unresolved consequences of trauma.

  • Panic attacks and anxiety
  • Insomnia and nightmares
  • Chronic pain, migraines, and other physical symptoms
  • Flashbacks
  • Avoiding triggering situations
  • Fears of intimacy and other relational issues
  • Persistent feelings of isolation, loneliness, and shame
  • Unresolved grief
  • A sense of being irreparably broken

The good news is that the past 20 years have brought us extraordinary, evidence-based breakthroughs in the treatment and healing of trauma.

In a wide range of fields, psychologists, neuroscientists, pioneering therapists, and traditional healers are making enormous progress in helping us to recoverβ€”and to turn our energies toward our greater dreams and life purpose.

For those who have not partaken in an online summit before: online summits are generally a series of interviews with experts on a certain subject. The videos are broadcasted during the summit and free to watch for 24 hours. At the end of the summit there generally is a 2 day period in which you can watch all the vids for free.

In order to see the interviews you need to sign up at the website. After that they will send you a mail with a link. The link will give you access. You can do that upfront and possibly watch some teasers and plan your calender around theirs.

Please note: most online summits are free, but the organisation will set up the website so that you easily end up at the payment booth. Mainly I end up buying a book from one or more of the speakers most of the time though.

I found it very helpful to sign in with my anonymous account to keep all my summit entries separate from my daily mail; they do not fit into the same head space as normal businessmail so I ended up deleting everything anyway. Having the daily business mails separate from the non-business mails gives me the ability to actually read them together. Which is nice. πŸ™‚

I am grateful that I quit drinking. Be it a calculated grateful. Does that exist? I thought I’d better be grateful because drugs are bad mkay? πŸ™‚

xx, Feeling

 

 

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Feeling comfortable to be me

My last post was about darkness, I have been introduced to light and am liking it! A lot has happened since. This starts of dark but hang in there. πŸ™‚

A while ago I was totally submerged in the horror of reliving the death of my twin brother in many aspects of the daily life. And when I finally decided not to go into that subject again because ‘no use – only painful’ I met a guy in the train who, within 5 minutes started talking about vanishing twins, dead sister, dead mother. Yup. Sigh. I really, really can’t believe my own life so now and then, but it happened.

He was connected to a Facebook group and I signed up too. The ladies who run the group call themselves ‘lightworkers’ and are into all kinds of spiritual corners which I have never visited. Subjects include Reiki, Tarot, chakras, healing with stones and all kinds of energy transfer. And even though I myself practise these or am knowledgable in some of these areas I usually do not interact with other because too much carnival and ‘Twin soul? Had one, he died, now move along.’

I was in the group for several weeks when the leading lady signed me up for a healing. They do these with several women. One sends in a recent photo and the three ladies concentrate on you and work out what is energetically awry and try to heal that. Her signing me up was a little forceful but I am happy I (reluctantly) complied. At the said time I was in front of my computer trying to see if I could notice anything going on. The lady I had chatted with was alone. Well, imagination or not, I did feel stuff. I felt somebody zooming in on me energetically, then stepping back in a sort of fright and then frantically starting to take away all the boundaries I have around me. Ha! Get to know me…: “Don’t think you can take away my boundaries like that! I’ll fight to keep my protection, even if it kills me!” πŸ˜‰ Which I then realised was pretty counterproductive. Things were already set in motion and I experiences a breakdown of this layer of dirt and old memories I carry around. I wrote about this in one of my early posts where I see myself as a caddis; an underwater larvae which builds a little house for himself by glueing pieces of dirt together. I do that with bad experiences and painful memories. Well, I felt she was breaking that down. I resisted out of reflex and in this fight for power turned nauseous and started throwing up. One of those days; crying so badly my eyes bulge out, not able to breathe through my nose due to total blockage, shaking all over and hanging over the toilet for a good 10 minutes. After which….. I felt really relaxed and at peace with the world….. something with darkness before the light. πŸ™‚

We chatted on Facebook about what had happened. Days later I got a new invite for a new healing with three ladies. The first one replied to my photo with comments about being angry – I have this resting bitch face and ha, I have anger. So yeah in reply to a “Let go, let go.” I can only say: “I was born this way. I am sorry. If I had any skills or way to not be angry, I would.” Which obviously I did not tell her. πŸ™‚

The second lady spoke about my defences being high, heart ache and soul loss, being totally disconnected from the world. And, the theme for me being ‘detachment’. Gosh ;-).Detachment is good for the spirit, it is the path to enlightenment so they say and it is very lonely and very hard because the intention I am born with is to either attach, cling even or, in other moments; totally disconnect in a not always healthy way. She mentioned that. She mentioned me having issues with ‘being’ with taking the right to exist. I read that and all of the darkness and despair I had been trying to contain flooded over me and 2 women asked me what happened because they felt utter misery.

Again the layers around me started shaking and I could feel the pieces of dirt the cadis collected fall apart and I was ok with that. I cried, I puked, I shook and then I bathed in light and universal love like I was in heaven. πŸ™‚ “No sense of belonging in this world.” Yup, that would be me. And then I found it. πŸ™‚

Together they lifted the darkness and I could see that it was not all me. I could see that I attach myself to it but that I do not have to. That I can learn not to attach to misery and darkness. Sort of uncomfortable in saying that a big part of it is like addiction and can be unlearned. It was very nice to be without the weight of the darkness. I am not sure when was the last time I was like that. Possibly in an Ayahuasca session. So… good stuff πŸ˜‰

During this session I found my energetic place in my heart where I dare to exist. Where I take my place in life and am ok with that, ok with me. Like they kept on saying: you have the right to be here, you are allowed to be here, you are allowed to be alive. Things look so much different from there, well, here. No whining, just doing, no condemning of me, peace. So much more energy!!!! πŸ™‚ ❀ ❀ ❀ And like I did with alcohol: when dark thoughts come up I try to see where they connect to me and cut them loose. Not sure how to explain that: it is like I am a cylinder and there are all kinds of energetic things connected to me, some like wires, some like spider webs, some like dark clouds, some are close, others are far away, some are clear and others are hidden, hiding even, or i.o.w. I don’t want to be aware of them. And then I visualise cutting threads, removing spiderwebs, dissolving clouds and experiencing and cutting away all the perceived advantage I thought I had from them and then staying in the moment where I live without these energy things. Breathing. πŸ™‚ I am whole.

I am thinking this experience of attachment to darkness and how not to attach is important. Knowing me I will forget because life comes along and basically I am lazy and do not want to do this extra step I need to take. Ooh God,Β  give me the strength to take care of me. To do what I know I need to do; headbutt that next bear on the path and continue fearlessly. Because I can. It is my stressed out being, my being stressed out, my spiritual misshapenness, laziness which keeps me tired and whining and whining and tired and it withholds me. A big part of me prefers to feel sorry over doing what I need to do. My bottom dog. I fear growing, I fear the stepping into nothingness but clinging to the past, to darkness left me in the dark nothingness.Β  I do not dare to love because ‘love’ meant sexual abuse in our family but I do not have to walk that same path. But I do not have to look back, I do not live in the past. I live now. Ha! Which now I come to realise are the exact words of my hugbuddy. πŸ™‚

I feel comfortable being me now. I realise that this might take some training. Hmmm, pfff, don’t feel like that. I will take the being comfortable RIGHT NOW! πŸ™‚ No more stalling! Much better decision. πŸ™‚ ❀ ❀ ❀

Different subject but related: days before this all happened I had an experience which I find worthy of noting down; a friend of mine is throwing a wedding party, several years after the date and all our mutual friends had received an invite – except I. I was upset. I had not seen that coming. For days I struggled with the idea that my life was such a dark mess that I started to loose friends. I actually internally agreed that there were little benefits to quitting drinking if I did not work on the underlying causes. And because I (find that I) do not (do this enough) I still find myself in this dark mess. I agreed that there was no use in living anymore because I did not have the energy to fight another fight. And then I realised that I had based all of this on assumption. I had no clue as to why this friend would disinvite me (is that a word?). I made several up and then got in such a painful situation that I could not do anything but cut myself lose totally from all connection.

That was another one of those Feeling things: Not sure what parts of me did so, guessing a big part of it was ego; I got so suppressed, caught, locked up in the darkness that I could not deal anymore and I internally twisted, spun and broke all energetic connection to the world. It was a reflex. First thing I thought: “I have done this before.” I have done this when I was born, I have done this with some relationships, I have done this with memories I wanted to forget, I have also done this with alcohol. I was born in a funny way; like my brother I was going to come out face upward and had been stuck in the start of the birth canal for several days and during labor, and then I worked myself loose (impossible so they say) and twisted around (impossible so they say) to be projectile born into this world in 3 pushes. Screaming mad with raw survival aggression.

Ok, long story longer: I could have contacted my friend, I did not, I was feeling too low. I realised that it is initially painful but educative to learn that my friendship with her seemed more important than her friendship to me. Which is ok, things happen. A week later we see each other and I was totally ok in my disconnected world, being able to genuinely love again. And she asked me if I had received her card because they had tried a different mail service and several people had not. πŸ˜‰

Different subject: I have been uncluttering my house since the first of February. I throw out (bring to the give away store) as many items as there are days in the month. Today is the 21st so I should take out 21 things. I list them all and share them in a Facebook group. It feels great. And strangely enough I can actually let go of stuff I had been hanging on for years.

I upped my Iodine intake and feel loads better. Funny enough in homeopathy Iodine is related to letting go of old trauma. Hey! πŸ˜‰

It sort of sounds like I am learning to let go. πŸ™‚ Tadaaa!

Concerning the project I have sent to the business contest: they mentioned they had not received it. I continued working on it and noticed that I need more inner rest to be able to deal with all the issues coming up. Part of the project is an online community and I realised that I get engaged into right-fighting online too easily. Tried to change that. Did not work. Maybe in the future.

The social service people just called and they want to meet me to discuss my unemployment. At one point I applied for benefits but I did not continue because feeling bad and dark and I could not deal with the pressure of having to apply for a job while not knowing where to go with my life. Also, I could attempt to apply but it would force processes and I would be lying to the employer, to the benefit people and to me. That feels like putting back layers on the onion I am trying to peel off. It did not feel good and I had no energy to set it right inside. Next week they want me to come by. I told him I was in no state to apply for jobs and hence would wave my rights. He said: “We are here to help.” I guess I could use some help. As long as it is without attachments. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜‰

Pffff, all that darkness. Don’t want to go there anymore. The sun has been shining for about 7 days now! Yay!!!

I have been painting. Now I don’t know what to do with my life I might as well do the things which I have always wanted. A part of the Roy Lichtenstein collection is in Amsterdam right now and some friends and I went. We are arrogant enough to claim that “we can do that too”.Β  Bwaahahahaa….. been trying since. And that might very well be true, after you put hours and hours and hours in it to learning how to. πŸ™‚ REALLY. I am really handy, I can do crafts, I can do a whole lot of hand-skill creative stuff way better than most people, but painting is partially a skill and partially an art. I am DELIGHTED with doing this in my livingroom and not getting anywhere with it. This is sooo freeing. I checked out some YouTube vids and started. No need to be able to do stuff because I realise I can not. Ha! Friend of mine does not believe me, we will be painting next week for a full day. Hihihihihihi…. She so did not believe me that she is planning on buying actual canvasses to try. Looking forward to this.

Not Lichtenstein, but very appropriate however insensitive it might seem. πŸ™‚

youcanstopcrying

I am happy that I quit. Not sure why. Saw a photo of me and it actually looks like I am still drinking like crazy. Wonder if that is because of the sugar (yes, fell of the sugar wagon, again…). Although directly after the 2nd healing I felt no need for it, there was nothing it could add. Maybe I should practice that feeling of wholeness till I get to the part where I feel that again.

Now I’m moving away from the screen and go do stuff. πŸ™‚

Wishing you a wonderful hopefully sober time. ❀

xx, Feeling

 

 

 

The future of healing conference is on sex today

Dear all,

The free online conference on health has a the subject of sex today. Thought you might want to know since it is one of the funny things after getting sober. Sign up here.

This is todays programme:

  • 12:00 (EST) – Dr. Sara GottfriedSexuality and The Hormone Reset Diet
  • 12:30 (EST) – Dr. Madeleine CastellanosA Doctor Looks at Sexual Health
  • 1:00 (EST) – Psalm IsadoraPractical Insights into Sexual Transformation
  • 1:30 (EST) – Destin GerekEnding the Battle of the Sexes
  • 2:00 (EST) – Dr. Jen LandaWomen, Hormones and Sex
  • 2:30 (EST) – Veronica MonetA Deeper Dive Into Sexuality and Partnership
  • 3:00 (EST) – Sol SebastianMen, Sex and Power
  • 3:30 (EST) – Jessica DrummondWomen and Pelvic Health
  • 4:00 (EST) – Mantak Chia – The Healing Tao and Sexuality

Hope it brings you something :-).

xx, Feeling

Something between whaahaaaa and wheeheeeee and a new time

Oooh, I just got invited for the second job interview as a follow-up from the last. ‘You are our best option.’Β  Not sure if that is a compliment but I’ll take it as such. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

Now what? My wish to the universe was indeed a second interview. And I’m currently in the phase of trying to not pay attention to the thought that it would be real strange in this times that I would get a job with the first letter I have sent out after years and years. And now it is actually good that my friends are all in the same line of work because I can check what salary would be ok to ask for. πŸ™‚

Hmmm, suddenly I feel funny about all the time I wasted lately. πŸ˜€ Processes, processes. Ghegheghe. I need to start to believe that I can be happy workwise and that life can be simple. And it is a part-time job so plenty of time to continue the self-help I’m doing now.

This morning I started off with the routine from Donna Eden that I posted yesterday. It feels like it works. I feel more energetic. But that could also be so because I actually did something instead of nothing. Not sure. I’m interested in her way of seeing the world and health and she’s very happy so she must know stuff that other people don’t know. ;-). It is now 4 hours later and I have been watching a lot of her video’s on YouTube. It is AMAZING what she teaches. And the hippo says ‘Yeah! Finally!!’. I guess there must be something in this for me. It combines very nicely with the haptic body work I have been doing years ago. I have done one of the tests with the arm out myself earlier and I know it works exactly as you see it. It is not a scam. I’m gonna get all my girlfriends together and test this out! Wonderful πŸ™‚ Makes me happy. πŸ™‚ It feels as if today I have reached some end point and a new time is approaching. Well, meteorological (is that the word or a word at all?) spring started yesterday so maybe I’m perfectly in sync.

I am happy that I quit drinking alcohol. Thankful to GP1 who so clearly showed me what clarity looked like, thankful for the people at the programme who, by listening without judgement, allowed me to -instead of fight with my self-loathing- come to the point where I could find the love and energy I needed to quit. ❀  ❀  ❀

There are a few things I want to quit doing now too, I think, not sure, letting go is difficult but it is becoming an option… hmmm, those are tapping words. Hmm….. I would like to be able to give up negative thinking but truth be said: I still don’t feel like I have the energy to stop it like I quit drinking. I just want things to be easy. Not sure why, if I zoom into that I feel overwhelmed and tired and hopeless. Hmm, lets tap on that :-D. Negativity, I have been looking into that ever since I got out of the alcohol prison and today again it pops up, of course because of a new situation. It is still my primary reaction.

Yesterday I actually did some meditation and ‘the voice’ in my head said: ‘You need to stop taking care of others.’ Funny because in daily people judgement this is counter intuitive but I feel it is true in the sense that I tend to meddle, that is the part where the care giver misunderstands ‘taking care’. Not sure how to deal with that yet. I guess it is the next big thing now next to being positive.

I want: a tremendous salary, free-floating hours and wonderful colleagues, work that makes me excited.

I need: don’t know yet, admin again. :-(, cleaning.

I take: nothing, a bit irritated with healing that comes from the outside in. Reading books of an old Dutch witch now. Unfortunately she is long dead but I have just re-discovered her. Really enjoying it, well, she says things that agree with my thoughts about stuff so that makes for easy reading ;-). Another wonderful realisation of late: I like stuff that does not contradict me. :-D. It feels very childish but I could also interpret it as ‘going with the flow’. And now I have seen Donna Eden’s video’s I’m sure that going with the flow is very important. Check this out. Donna shows how to test if your ‘strong’ in your energy and then with the one movement takes away the energy from somebody (and restores it later! πŸ™‚ ) If you are in a hurry go to 1:20. In another video she shows that actually looking somebody down can do scramble somebodies energy and looking up to them can strengthen it. Wow! She also tells about the bad effects of shoulder bags and underwired bras on your energy level. I guess this counts for metal wires, not the plastic, but not sure. If you have time I would say: watch and learn and be happy. πŸ™‚Β  πŸ™‚Β  πŸ™‚

Reading, reading, reading

Yeah, not doing anything but reading, reading, reading. Recovery 2.0 by Tommy Rosen, yeah! Revelation! Happy to have found a book that speaks things that I align with easily and can understand like the importance of being honest to myself and others, about going on a road to meet myself and processing, letting go of, or chucking out all that is not necessary. It is about intuition and ‘feeling my way back into life’ so maybe I should not be surprised that I am so excited. πŸ™‚

I have this idea about my life that unprocessed events, errors in thinking, false hope, dreams, lies, hateful thoughts and all kinds of concepts that I have, have caused me to move away from my true self and from my path. Reading this book overwhelms me with truth. Only reading and understanding the truth and value of this is a spiritual experience.

Not all of it is easy, here I was, thinking things would get easier after 3 months. Well, I guess starting to live the Truth is, well, was going to say; easier but hahaa, NOOOO today it is rather uncomfortable :-D. Overwhelming now these layers, these walls of fear that protected me from me, from the Truth are starting to shake and tumble. Wow. The power that is locked in keeping up these walls is amazing. I guess I want it back to put to good use.

And I now know why there is the word(s): the naked truth. That’s how it feels, holy fuck what a high level of internal discomfort. Brrrrr, no wonder I drank.Β  I wish I had learned earlier in my life to deal with this. I am happy (in a very terrified way) that I have the ability to learn these things now.

Coming to a painful realisation that I could have prevented a lot of shit in my life if I had only listened to my intuition. That is painful because up to now I have lived on blaming the other while I should have taken care of myself. And smashed their heads in… well, sort of… You get the picture.

Did I tell you that Tommy Rosen makes the 12 steps understandable to me (yeah, me). That is NEW in itself. ;-). It works out that feeling your way back into life is EXACTLY what the 12 steps are about. How cool is that? That is like way cool!

I am happy that I quit. I’m running from ‘happy in a normal way because it has been 3 months now’ to ‘happy in a frightened way because of what I am reading, are facing and have to face’ to ‘happy that I finally get to sort stuf out’ to ‘happy that somebody went before me and can tell me’ and finally; happy that I quit and am doing this. The internal possibility of repair of a person is AMAZING. It is all inside, we have to uncover it. And that is without the word ‘just’ because that does not fit there today.

Well, going to read a little more. Have a nice weekend. πŸ™‚