Epiphany

I woke up last night and had this epiphany (had to look that word up) about my food intake. My nutritionist and I had worked out that I need to take a look at doing 10.001 things at the same time. I did. And I do do 10.001 things at the same time and have difficulty focussing on anything but typing. It is irritating because I get to nothing and my rice always burns. It’s another addiction. It’s funny to realise through this process of getting sober and, well, working towards my goal of getting ‘clear’ and aligned with my spirit it that I am sort of running in circles – but at every turn spiralling inward a little. So step by step, turn by turn, day by day things that are unreal get chipped away from me. Like the tiny pieces of the caddis larvae leaving me. The pieces are about ‘opinions’ – all these opinions, pffff. The are about fear of not being seen and they are about fear of being seen. Fear of being loved and fear of not being loved. About bullshitting myself – loads of that going on. 🙂

https://feelingmywaybackintolife.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/kokerjuffer.jpg?w=300&h=202

Here is the larvae of a cadis, it has a soft outer skin so in order to survive it builds a little case around itself to protect itself against predators. There is also an art project where the artist gave the larvae tiny jewels to build the case with. 🙂 Lovely. Well, that is not me. I’ve build the case with angry and confused defense reactions to painful situations. So I guess it would be wise to let some of it go.

And now I guess I have walked into another addiction and I guess I will call it ‘diversion’. Had to look that up too, not sure if I chose the right word but I notice now that I get diverted easily and I LIKE IT. And it is not getting me anywhere. So…. things about diversion and how I deal with it pop up. As last night…

Not sure since when, but it must be YEARS, I have this constant intake of food and drink. Constantly stuffing my face as in a not wanting to feel what is actually going on – being with discomfort. And now, after about 5,5 months not drinking, it suddenly bothers me – at night of course, what other moment would me suitable for that? :-/

So I lay in my bed and I probed towards the usual foods that I take and I got a no on most of them. So…. gonna do a 2 weeks of brown eco rice, vegetables, little fruit, fish, herb tea and hot water. Let’s see how that will work out. No promises. The conversation I had with me said 2 weeks because of something that did not become clear, but was somehow important. Yes, vague, I know. Just noting it down for my own check-back thingy. But hey, why not give it a shot. Guessing it is worth it. Again, no promises. 🙂

Have a nice day! 🙂

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6 thoughts on “Epiphany

  1. I am also easily distracted. I used to think I was super efficient-all the multi tasking, doing 10 things at once.

    Nope. I often did things half way and I felt so overwhelmed.

    So now I try to do one thing. Mindfully. Cook dinner. Nothing else. No computer, no phone call, no reading the paper. No burned rice!

    Food is such a hard one. Giving yourself 2 weeks to try something sounds like a nice plan. When you eat, put the food on a plate. Sit at the table. Enjoy.

    You might reconnect to eating.

    I like epiphanies!

    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

    • No burned rice! That is a good goal. 🙂

      I was utterly surprised in the supermarket today. I could only buy stuff at the vegetable part. And they had my super expensive favorite raw chocolate on SALE for the first time that I eat it. AND my favorite cheese! And then I thought I might as wel eat a banana for reasons of sugar because I have been such a good girl….. and it was unripe, felt like eating the skin only. Brrrrr….

      I am re-discovering urges and learning to let go again. And somehow, not sure how, it helps me to let go of the 10.001 other urges that I have too. Doing WordPress? Shut down Facebook. I am trying to aling with sobriety as a concept, go there where things are simple and clear. Does that make sense? Eating at the table – no distractions is part of that. I guess I need another clean-up goal like thing. See how it works. 🙂

      xx, Feeling

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Feeling,
    I need to work on being present, too.
    First, I need to pry my cell phone out of my little grubby hands!
    I hope you had a good meal tonight!
    Peace and Hugs,
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

    • I had a lovely meal thank you. Had some cold boiled potatoes left and mixed these with celery (raw), green beans (cooked and warm), carrots (cooked crispy and warm) and some eco mayonaise without sugar, salt and pepper. Lovely. It could do with a tiny bit of pickels too. 🙂
      Being in the present – exactly the time no (former) addict would like to be. 🙂 Let’s practise! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sobriety as a concept. I like that! I want to go there too. I think Im getting there.

    On the distraction thing, over summer last year when I had five (non-consecutive) days at work alone, I used something that Belle (I think it was Belle, anyway) said she does. I needed to make sure I could stay focussed even though I was working totally alone. I picked about six or seven tasks that would take between 30 mins and an hour, wrote them on pieces of paper, folded them up, then picked one at random and set the timer on my phone for the appropriate time. Worked on the task until the time was up, then on to the next one. I added in breaks when necessary, and mostly finished the jobs in time.
    I found it did keep me focussed, but not sure I could do things that way all day every day. Maybe a good one to use every now and then when a few ‘must-do’s’ build up on the list.
    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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