Bloodshot eyes

I copied this below text from a comment of mine on Prim’s post. She is moving into the podcast world :-).

My reply: Less internet… yeah, another issue of the week. I had a talk with my eyes why they are so red – like I am still drinking. 😦  And it went like this:
Hi eyes, how are you?
Not good!
Sup?
You make me see things I don’t want to see.
Like what?
Like the computer all the time. You look at the mean stuff (Prison Break) and there is nothing I can do.
Is it not good?
No, it is bad for me. I was born to see beauty and life. Not mean people all day.

That actually made me look in a whole different way at watching TV or film. Sobriety: it is all about what I take in and leave out. I have a pile of books lying around (surprise!) and in order to relax or quit living I watch Prison Break. I think I need to start to zone out there too and move into another mode. Slowly, slowly though. Watching TV has been the pressure lock on the pressure cooker so I’ll let go slowly.

Slowly aligning with how I think we (I) were (was) meant to be. And funny, I never believed in this positivity stream of thinking and ‘you attract what you are’ but using techniques in there just ‘on feel’ I come to realise that it might actually be very helpful. Still not big on the ‘where there is a will there is a way’ aspect that is in there. I find it too assuming. But I do notice that it is easier to follow a good example or a good thought (Happy that I quit) and try to align myself with it than to try to figure out what and how and force my way into improvements of my life that I feel I can’t make yet.

I had a friend, she could only do things by gaining an insight – that would spark her. She could never just do stuff because she had to. I despised her for that. Sorry ex-friend. Now I understand. She quit a multi-drug addiction when she got to the part where she started using crack. Just quit just like that. It must have taken a MAJOR DECISION and loads of maintenance of that decision. I always felt that her energy for making decisions had been stuck there so she could not ‘just do stuff’ anymore. Like I now. And then she became very interested in personal growth. I guess I understand the importance of that now too. 🙂

I need to go do stuff. The laying about after the admin was done yesterday has been ok. It did take almost 1 bar of chocolate but that is ok too.

I am VERY HAPPY that I quit. That’s it. Very happy that I quit. Jason Vale in his book ‘Kick the drink easily’ says something like: from day one start being happy that you quit. I thought; he know’s his shit, I’d better do that. So I actually have an egg-timer here that I set every 15 minutes. It has a little piece of tape on it saying ‘Relax’, ‘Check emotions’ and ‘Follow the plan’. The last one did not work but I guess I’ll get around to it in another way. By speaking with my eyes e.g. so they tell me to stop watching TV. Am I crazy? No :-D. I am feeling.

I want: to sort my life out and clean

I need: to get a job.

I take: I have viewed an interesting video online about Iodine. I think I have an Iodine shortage because the base of my neck was swelling slowly. It left when I started taking Iodine pills. Iodine is the mineral that helps cells to clean themselves up when they are old or the DNA is not good anymore. The thought was that lacking Iodine can therefore cause cancer cells to grow. Also, lacking Iodine causes fybrocystic breasts and breast cancer. I never knew what that was but I looking at the online photo’s I have that. No wonder my breast (yes back to the subject) are going south now I eat kelp pills and a cell salt that includes Iodine. The video doctor also said that we need at least a 100 times more Iodine than is advised so I’ll up intake of seaweed (brown rice with seaweed and fried egg – that’s an ok lunch) and see where it gets me.

Yes, yes, I’ll also check out what the effects of too much Iodine are. Iodine eats Selenium in the process so I’ll check out if this is included in the seaweed or that I need to add that. I would LOVE to get rid of the lumps in my breast that make every doctors eyes open up wide in a da-fuck-I-hope-this-is-not-cancer kind of way when I check in. My mother died of breast-cancer. It has been controlling our family since I was 11 years old. Hence the fascination. And I was bottle fed ;-).

And, in case you have read my blog a little longer you are starting to learn why NOBODY in my life actually thinks it is weird that I quit drinking. It is just another flavor of the season health thing.  Gheghegheghe…. they go like: ‘What is it you are not having  or not having this time?’

There comes a day that I will not be needing to create so much fog around me when it comes to health. I hope there will be a day that I can maybe finally trust my body will not give in ‘all of a sudden’ like it did with my mother. 🙂 In between I will learn to focus my energy on HEALTH instead of being afraid that I get unhealthy. 🙂

HA! Check this out!!! I wanted to add in a photo on swelling of the neck but instead found this: a swollen tongue! I have that but did not know what caused it. Works out to be caused by Iodine deficiency. Tadaaaa! Seaweed! Here I come!

Look and you shall find. Ask and you shall be given. Knock and you shall be opened.