Walking and being alone

Major physical change today: I walked into town. No just-wandered-and-pfff-too-tired-and-my-god-I-wish-I-was-home sort of walked but WALKED at speed. I did not know I have felt so tired and stiff until I found out today that I am suddenly not tired and stiff. No more pain in my ankles and hipjoints, no backpain, no shortness of breath, no sudden pain in the chest, no general feeling of fatigue. My blood was flowing and my body felt happy with the excercise – that’s cool! I walked 9 kilometers and did not even feel that I did it. Wow! 2 Weeks ago I looked up to having to walk 600 meter to a store – I did it, but mostly because I thought I had to health wise. Not sure if this change is due to not taking beta blockers or to taking the salts. Or both. Dunno, it was good. And good because I did administration yesterday and finished with a ‘meal’ of 80 grams of chocolate. And I deserved it! Yeah! šŸ™‚ Now I feel I deserve more walks :-). That is NEW. No promises. Let’s see.

My breasts (yes that subject again) are hurting here and there and everywhere, the shrinking process caused by the Iodine of the cell salts and the seaweed has really kicked in now. Not sure if I still like this: what about a belly, ass, waist, inner thigh, flabby underarm, double chin shrinking pill? That feels like a way nicer method to from my body to thank me for my good care. ;-).

Nasty message of the day: Mr store man suddenly, after 5 days of in total 20 hours of speaking intimately comes up with a Mrs store man. That hurt, even though I had not allowed my heart to gallope ahead and had not ‘added’ sexual fantasies to my thinking. In fact I was worried that I did not feel that way. However, there was a longing for a place by the fire and then it felt again like I had no right to that.Ā  It hurt and I felt jealous and locked out. I suddenly felt very much alone. And that is how it is.

I am happy that I quit. Walked past bars and realised that only half a year ago I would have tried to drown my feelings in a bar. Not a good concept. Now I’m a little tired but happy that I am free of longing again. šŸ™‚ There is good in that too. It was interesting to take and have the time to see how this seed of connection planted itself and what happened in me next. šŸ™‚ And back to base. Good. Focus.

I want: things to be easier.

I need: to cry and sleep

11 thoughts on “Walking and being alone

  1. Sleeping and crying is good for you!
    So are walks. Just getting your body moving and outside is so healthy. We had a bit of a snow storm and I was locked up inside cause of a driving ban and I totally felt not being able to get out and move!
    Do you do yoga? I think you might enjoy it! It has helped me greatly in sobriety and life in general.


    • Yeah, I heard about the storm :-). Must have been awesom.
      Actually, up to now I have enjoyed a bit of movement but not too much and more because I felt better afterwards than actually enjoying it. So maybe yes it might be time to get back to yoga too. šŸ™‚
      Glad it helped you, I used to go 3 times a week but then the heavy addiction kicked in. šŸ˜¦ Let’s see.


  2. ‘what about a belly, ass, waist, inner thigh, flabby underarm, double chin shrinking pill?’ LOL yes please feeling! šŸ˜‰ So sorry to hear about bookstore man – what’s meant for you won’t pass you by šŸ™‚ xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, so true. I know that. šŸ™‚ We’ll see. He’s more heavily addicted to smoking weed than I thought so…. hmmmm…. I guess I’ll focus on that and let it pass by.

      And I’ll keep working on the pill though. There is one that says: Bad take up of fat through the bowels and therefore a craving for fatty foods and overweight or very underweight. I had the first šŸ™‚ and now my bowels are working again my automatic food choices seem to be slowly changing. So yes, I guess there are pills. just need to find them. šŸ™‚


  3. Dear Feeling,
    Super cool about walking! I go to yoga 3 times a week and walk 3 miles on other days.
    Walking is a joy, I think.
    So glad you feel better to walk!
    I am still happy you are happy you quit, because I am at 146 days, and I continue to be happy too!
    My guess is you are a beautiful young lady, so you don’t need any more shrinking pills!
    Peace and Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Gheghegheghe…. thank you. šŸ™‚ And I’ll make sure to check with my friends to see if they think I am obsessed with my weight and think I am harming myself. Just to make sure there isn’t something that I am not seeing. šŸ™‚
      PS: the young part has been gone for a while, 45 now but feeling better than I have in 10 years. šŸ™‚


  4. If you find that belly ass waste underarm flab shrinking pill, DO LET ME KNOW. ā¤

    On another note, I'm sorry that Mr. Bookstore Man has a Mrs. and failed to tell you that, especially before he decided to tell you how pretty you were, how much he enjoyed talking to you and looking at you. HOWEVER.

    Let's look at the positive, shall we? Look at how strong and grounded you are, that you waited before you responded to his siren call. You listened to your instincts. Imagine if you had not been sober, not grounded, not listening to your gut? How much more hurt would you be today?

    I just have to say, that's something huge to be celebrated. If I were my age, and single, and I had experienced the same, I don't know if I would or could have been as wise as you. I've always had a huge weakness for men and flirting, and I've obviously been hurt a lot because of this.

    I so appreciate your experience, your thoughts, and most especially that you share such intimate things.

    You are doing GREAT. Very happy and privileged to be on this journey with you.


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