Major physical change today: I walked into town. No just-wandered-and-pfff-too-tired-and-my-god-I-wish-I-was-home sort of walked but WALKED at speed. I did not know I have felt so tired and stiff until I found out today that I am suddenly not tired and stiff. No more pain in my ankles and hipjoints, no backpain, no shortness of breath, no sudden pain in the chest, no general feeling of fatigue. My blood was flowing and my body felt happy with the excercise – that’s cool! I walked 9 kilometers and did not even feel that I did it. Wow! 2 Weeks ago I looked up to having to walk 600 meter to a store – I did it, but mostly because I thought I had to health wise. Not sure if this change is due to not taking beta blockers or to taking the salts. Or both. Dunno, it was good. And good because I did administration yesterday and finished with a ‘meal’ of 80 grams of chocolate. And I deserved it! Yeah! 🙂 Now I feel I deserve more walks :-). That is NEW. No promises. Let’s see.
My breasts (yes that subject again) are hurting here and there and everywhere, the shrinking process caused by the Iodine of the cell salts and the seaweed has really kicked in now. Not sure if I still like this: what about a belly, ass, waist, inner thigh, flabby underarm, double chin shrinking pill? That feels like a way nicer method to from my body to thank me for my good care. ;-).
Nasty message of the day: Mr store man suddenly, after 5 days of in total 20 hours of speaking intimately comes up with a Mrs store man. That hurt, even though I had not allowed my heart to gallope ahead and had not ‘added’ sexual fantasies to my thinking. In fact I was worried that I did not feel that way. However, there was a longing for a place by the fire and then it felt again like I had no right to that. It hurt and I felt jealous and locked out. I suddenly felt very much alone. And that is how it is.
I am happy that I quit. Walked past bars and realised that only half a year ago I would have tried to drown my feelings in a bar. Not a good concept. Now I’m a little tired but happy that I am free of longing again. 🙂 There is good in that too. It was interesting to take and have the time to see how this seed of connection planted itself and what happened in me next. 🙂 And back to base. Good. Focus.
I want: things to be easier.
I need: to cry and sleep