I went out after contemplating for an hour why I was so scared to go out of the house for the first time This is what I came up with:
I’m afraid that people see that I’ve stopped drinking. If I have stopped it should mean that I was addicted and then They Will Know…. Actually that is like saying: if I don’t buy booze people will think that I am addicted while if I do buy beer they won’t. Funny think patterns that feel like they are totally fuelled by booze. This is where I feel it would be handy to be quitting with other people and people that have been there because they might point me to a way out of this.
I’m afraid to be found out as a drinker. Shame, guilt. As Jason Vale says; alcohol is the only drug that if you quit, you have to explain why you did it. So maybe it is not only me being weird about it. Maybe I am trapped in society’s trap of ‘Oooooh, if you don’t drink you must be an alcoholic, shame on you….’ Mostly coming from somebody with a drink in their hands.
And yes, sorry to the people, sorry to the world, I have said things along these lines as well.
Soooo, I went out, it was exactly my kind of weather and I felt fine, actually noticed that I automatically walk faster. Did not know that the booze has depressed me so much that I started have walked slowly for the past few years. I actually felt totally in control, was happy, proud, did my shoppings. Grinned at the overstocked shelf of my favourite beer and got home.
And…. I had lost my house keys. So, control is there, just not everywhere 🙂