About

Hi,

I stopped drinking alcohol on the 25 of August 2014 and I hope to never drink again. Nobody in my private life knew that my drinking was as bad as it was. Up to a year after quitting nobody in my private life knew I had to quit and could not moderate. I tried entering a programme but ran off before I had to say yes and then quit by myself with help of the book of Jason Vale, a load of nutritions in food or pill form and a free, online alcohol desensitization training.

Blogging about my life, my thoughts, my feelings  and how this influences my ability to be sober has been a life saver. Since I had/have difficulty accepting help, the sober blogosphere has been a fantastic environment to help me on the path to learning to cope. Later I was ready to include help of friends (almost all normies), my GP and my therapist.

Accepting help from outside took me quit a long time. Because I knew that character trait set me up for failure I started blogging. Blogging helped to, at least partially, move away from the secrecy that strangled me and give me a daily task and opportunity to work on getting clear drink wise, life wise, intention wise. I compare being sober with a pressure cooker: I would build up pressure because of not/underdeveloped life skills, experienced pain and stress followed by ineffective coping techniques, then I would drink to let the steam off. Obviously the way to let steam off only got me into more trouble but it took me to age 44 while to find that out. In sobriety I think I need to:

1 learn to not build up steam and
2 let go of it differently.

Working on it. 🙂

In this blog I write about my process, what I experience, think, feel and do. Please note that I do not subscribe to everything that I put out there; sometimes I will show you the addict, or the addict will show without me knowing it. Sometimes, well I hope most of the time, the true self will be there. I guess there will are mixes as well, working this out could be a process of a lifetime. I don’t know. But I am curious as to see how this develops, which is another reason to write: to log my process.

99% Of my writing is unedited that means that I write a post in one go and push the publish button. I do not re-read what I wrote. If I were to re-read I lose authenticity because I develop shame and  the urge to re-write and show off. That would not serve the purpose of the blog which is to find my true self, to become clear, to come to a state where there is nothing old, nothing damaged, no prejudice between me an a situation/person. That is my goal in life; to become transparent. When I decided to quit drinking I realised that not drinking was only step 1 in that. That’s ok. It gives me something to do. 🙂

Not editing can make this blog dark, heavy-handed, boring…. in comparison to my fellow bloggers. Please note it is not written to be beautiful, it is written for me to become clear. And for you to read if you like. For you, and me, to see the unedited side of my path to clarity.

You will find a bloglist of the bloggers I follow. Please note not all of these blogs are addiction / recovery related. Please also note that my subscription does not mean that I always subscribe to what is written in these blogs, or that I find them recommendable per se. Most blogs I read because I love to hear from fellow bloggers how they are doing and I cherrish them (you!) and their (your!) writing. And there are a few blogs I read because I feel I need a different view on matters apart from my own. I think it is good to keep in contact with what I seemingly do not want to know or hear about. 😀 Something to do with keeping track of my projections. To learn stuff you can go where you want to go, but didn’t the road you sooooo did not want to take: the one which said ‘effing quit drinking now or you will self-destruct totally’ pay you the best results? 😉

Please mail me at {myblogname}@gmail.com if you want to ask or say private stuff. So the myblogname would be ‘feelingmywaybackintolife’ of course. Send a test mail first if you are not sure, I will respond to that. Please note, I do not check this account regularly.

Hope you enjoy reading my blog, hope it brings you something.

xx, Feeling