Bored now…

Day 7

I used to have this exciting life and be filled with all kinds of emotions. Every evening I would drink till I ran out of booze, cry along side with it, go to bed, be afraid to or hope to never wake up, fall into this coma, dream stupid stuff, wake up feeling a bit off, eat my way through the day and be absolutely unsuccessful at anything I tried – and feel guilty about that.

In the last 5 months you can add fear, panic, loss of hope, darkness and suicide thoughts to this list. I would have daily, hourly, feelings of guilt about drinking, eating, not cleaning, not working, not taking care of myself and not living my life. I would lie to my friends and family about why I am not successful anymore and all in all it would take up about 98% of my life’s energy. All these emotions… and now I don’t have that anymore.

Bored now.

Soooo bored, that I had this awfully boring dream last night and then in order to share (?) with somebody how boring it was I complained about it. And ended up dreaming it a SECOND TIME!!!! Ieeeeeks! It is not fair.

Yesterday I learned a shitload, even got to doing stuff because living in the blog world is almost as addictive as drinking to me. Man, I should be rewarded.

This whole booze thing is so much behind me that I dreamed that I drank a beer and then somebody said ‘hey, hadn’t you stopped drinking?’ And I had forgotten ALL about it! If that doesn’t proof how far I’ve come?!

I’m doing so well. I should get a medal.

Found 3 traps, and counting…

Bewaren