Something between whaahaaaa and wheeheeeee and a new time

Oooh, I just got invited for the second job interview as a follow-up from the last. ‘You are our best option.’Β  Not sure if that is a compliment but I’ll take it as such. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

Now what? My wish to the universe was indeed a second interview. And I’m currently in the phase of trying to not pay attention to the thought that it would be real strange in this times that I would get a job with the first letter I have sent out after years and years. And now it is actually good that my friends are all in the same line of work because I can check what salary would be ok to ask for. πŸ™‚

Hmmm, suddenly I feel funny about all the time I wasted lately. πŸ˜€ Processes, processes. Ghegheghe. I need to start to believe that I can be happy workwise and that life can be simple. And it is a part-time job so plenty of time to continue the self-help I’m doing now.

This morning I started off with the routine from Donna Eden that I posted yesterday. It feels like it works. I feel more energetic. But that could also be so because I actually did something instead of nothing. Not sure. I’m interested in her way of seeing the world and health and she’s very happy so she must know stuff that other people don’t know. ;-). It is now 4 hours later and I have been watching a lot of her video’s on YouTube. It is AMAZING what she teaches. And the hippo says ‘Yeah! Finally!!’. I guess there must be something in this for me. It combines very nicely with the haptic body work I have been doing years ago. I have done one of the tests with the arm out myself earlier and I know it works exactly as you see it. It is not a scam. I’m gonna get all my girlfriends together and test this out! Wonderful πŸ™‚ Makes me happy. πŸ™‚ It feels as if today I have reached some end point and a new time is approaching. Well, meteorological (is that the word or a word at all?) spring started yesterday so maybe I’m perfectly in sync.

I am happy that I quit drinking alcohol. Thankful to GP1 who so clearly showed me what clarity looked like, thankful for the people at the programme who, by listening without judgement, allowed me to -instead of fight with my self-loathing- come to the point where I could find the love and energy I needed to quit. ❀  ❀  ❀

There are a few things I want to quit doing now too, I think, not sure, letting go is difficult but it is becoming an option… hmmm, those are tapping words. Hmm….. I would like to be able to give up negative thinking but truth be said: I still don’t feel like I have the energy to stop it like I quit drinking. I just want things to be easy. Not sure why, if I zoom into that I feel overwhelmed and tired and hopeless. Hmm, lets tap on that :-D. Negativity, I have been looking into that ever since I got out of the alcohol prison and today again it pops up, of course because of a new situation. It is still my primary reaction.

Yesterday I actually did some meditation and ‘the voice’ in my head said: ‘You need to stop taking care of others.’ Funny because in daily people judgement this is counter intuitive but I feel it is true in the sense that I tend to meddle, that is the part where the care giver misunderstands ‘taking care’. Not sure how to deal with that yet. I guess it is the next big thing now next to being positive.

I want: a tremendous salary, free-floating hours and wonderful colleagues, work that makes me excited.

I need: don’t know yet, admin again. :-(, cleaning.

I take: nothing, a bit irritated with healing that comes from the outside in. Reading books of an old Dutch witch now. Unfortunately she is long dead but I have just re-discovered her. Really enjoying it, well, she says things that agree with my thoughts about stuff so that makes for easy reading ;-). Another wonderful realisation of late: I like stuff that does not contradict me. :-D. It feels very childish but I could also interpret it as ‘going with the flow’. And now I have seen Donna Eden’s video’s I’m sure that going with the flow is very important. Check this out. Donna shows how to test if your ‘strong’ in your energy and then with the one movement takes away the energy from somebody (and restores it later! πŸ™‚ ) If you are in a hurry go to 1:20. In another video she shows that actually looking somebody down can do scramble somebodies energy and looking up to them can strengthen it. Wow! She also tells about the bad effects of shoulder bags and underwired bras on your energy level. I guess this counts for metal wires, not the plastic, but not sure. If you have time I would say: watch and learn and be happy. πŸ™‚Β  πŸ™‚Β  πŸ™‚

The trunk of the tree where the magic happens

New books are in. Bummer, just when I wanted to start doing things….. πŸ˜€

I got:

Seven weeks to sobriety – the proven program to fight alcoholism through nutrition. From Joan Larson. Hoping to find an answer to why I don’t have cravings while most other bloggers that I know do have these. Also they promise to repair the brain part that causes addiction. I am very, very curious. I think there might be some truth in a physical cause of addiction because e.g. the book of Nakken describes my addiction correctly word for word. I am wondering, how can this process be the same in everybody if there is not a physical cause (too)? Very curious.

And I do wonder, if I believe what she says, would I start drinking again and just eat healthy? No, but I’d love to try the recipe with a drinker that does not think he should stop. That would not be blind of course but still. Or, if possible, try it in an elderly home and see the effects. Or reverse the recipe, sell it to bars and get rich.

The postman also brought: Food of the Gods – the search for the original tree of knowledge, a radical history of plants, drugs and human evolution’ by Terence McKenna. It is about altered states of consciousness and our fascination for it. Also it speaks of a tree of knowledge -that I must Google-Β  and I once had a dream of a immensely large tree that was my life, my history, my family and I flew around it and through it and really wanted to be close to the trunk but I could not because there were 50 or more empty liquor bottles laying at the ground around the stem. They were keeping me from reaching the trunk of the tree where the family, the tribe, the magic, transformation, love, wisdom, understanding, peace, ‘the universe and all’ was.

Somebody I know said: it tells you that you need to quit drinking if you want to get there. I did believe that, but I did not want to. I explained it away in my head saying ‘I don’t drink liquor, I only drink beer, these bottles are not my bottles so the message is not for me.’ This must have been about 15 to 13 years ago. Should I draw up the tag ‘denial’? I could have done that before but I was in denial about the denial.