NEW! I think I understand the concept of the Higher Power. What?! Yay! Just read the post of Mike and it came to me; to me addiction is not living along the healthy bio-logically along which the Universe operates. To me this world is one of opposing energies, yin and yang if you will, which balance each other out. There is chaos and creation and then there is law and restriction; both are required to build this world and everything in it.
Now when I got addicted I was in a state of unbalance where the chaos and creation (well, more like ‘expansion’) was so big that law and restriction did not get a grip on it in the normal way. They send signs: hangovers, bad work results, financial problems, stupid arguments with family, lousy days after…. They send weight gain, the shame, the depression and bad skin, red hands, blood-shot eyes but I did not listen. That’s when the restriction needs to get bigger and bigger and bigger and rock-bottom enters. Well, I fell, actually literally. Ha! The ground was hard. But it was just and it was solid. And it finally got to me that I was being self destructive and I did not want that anymore.
A lot of things have happened in 2018 already. I spoke with my demon, do not agree with him totally but it gave me an opening: less shame. And I found that I could belong and that I do not HAVE to focus on the negative. Also I found that I can look for help. NEW! Today I realised that if I live along the rules of the Higher Power all will be ok.
And again that means that I should be in bed. Not behind a screen.
Wishing you a beautiful (sober), connected weekend.
I am happy that I quit and grateful, be it in a tiny bit of a sad way, for the things I learn these days.