Guess who got a 25% raise today?

This life of mine is so strange. I got a 25% raise today. Just like that. Given to me. I did tell him that I think 50% is appropriate. He answered that with a raise like that he would want to revise the contract and he is willing to do that in 4 months. How strange is this. He said he had underestimated the job and also ‘I am not going to keep on saying this but I think you do a very, very good job.’

Ghegheghe, how about not being able to celebrate good fortune? I IMMEDIATELY moved into impostor fear. What if I can not deliver now I got a raise. Roller coaster from there on. How do other people deal with things like this?

And also: I got some money from the government to cover part of my rent cost and health insurance: I will not be getting that anymore. So… all in all… Well, that is ok. I need to climb out of that hole at one point in my life.

Next thing I went back to my old work this afternoon to return some DVD’s. There was no magic there. Everything looked familiar but was not ‘mine’ anymore. I told the nice guy I had missed him. He did not reply. So I guess there is no love lost there.

Now I am sick because of half a bar of white chocolate. ­čÖé

I’m going to relax, have a bath possibly, go to bed early so I can get 9 hours sleep. Need to do a presentation tomorrow. Number 3 in a row of 6 or possibly 12. Boss is going to be there for the first time. That was ok when I found that I earned too little. Now it suddenly is a pressure. Ghegheghe, don’t wish too hard, it might come true.

In between I am reading Amrut Laya ‘The stateless state’ – no, this is not a political book (or might be, dunno yet) it is about states of being. And it says that one has to get rid of pride or otherwise one will not find their true Self. ­čÖé It aims for the same thing I thought I should aim for: clarity, seeing things for what they are, being true, being clear. So that’s cool.

I am happy that I quit. Today I find my life strange. I am happy that I do not drink anymore otherwise I would have gone on a bender and I would never have discovered my mood swing. I did eat too much chocolate though. Yuk. Time to learn something there.

A woman who loves herself would have a shower and go to bed. Let it all settle overnight. This is what I’ll do. ­čÖé

Wishing you a nice sober day/evening. I am off to bed and will see how life continues tomorrow. Sleep = good.

xx, Feeling