0:00 deadline surfing

Handed in my business plan for my project in a contest. The deadline was 7 january 2018. I handed it in at 0:00. Worked my ass off to get it done. Obviously my computer got stuck at the last moment on an update. Now I’m not sure if I’m ‘in’ or out. Ghegheghe… I guess this case will give the people at the receiving end a moment to think about as well. We shall see.

I am happy that I quit. If I had not quit I would not be able to pull off writing a business plan in 9 hours. And I would be worrying about all kinds of details and it not being perfect while now I sort of enjoyed racing against the clock and seeing where I would end up. I worked standing, that helps too. 🙂 Very addicty all in all, this on an off button I have.

If I get anywhere with this it would mean a coming out as ‘ex-drinker’. If I make it to the top 10 it would be in the Dutch press. Ghegheghe…. so I think…. I should be looking for some support just to make sure I keep on being stable. Why not go from total anonymity to nationwide exposure in a few days… Luckily they are bound by secrecy and I can always withdraw the plan when I can not deal. I hope. Friend said so. Did not check… hmmm…

I intend to write out replies to negative comments from people in the coming days. I have these conversations in my head where people react with disdain to me having (had) issues with alcohol. I need to find myself in that to not be flustered by them and harden myself a little – while staying flexible and making sure I judge things well. Well, yeah, I sort of want to give myself media training so I feel safer. And keep my blood pressure down in contact with the non-believers.

The product/idea I want to sell is related to addiction. In order to sell it to the public and the board of the award I want to do an anonymous, digital privilege walk where the ACE’s are points in which you ‘score’ or not.  ACE stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences. The more ACE points someone scores, the higher the risk of e.g. becoming depressed, developing substance abuse, being raped at later age, teen pregnancies, financial issues,  suicide attempt and the whole list of everything nasty shit including e.g. developing COPD.

Or maybe I’ll draw up common thoughts and expressions about alcohol and substitute the word ‘beer’ and ‘wine’ and ‘drink’ by banana. That is hilarious and really shows what people are saying. “Yeah, well, I really wanted to leave but she offered me a new banana so…. well, you know, it was one of those nights and finally I ended up in bed at 03:00 hours. I’m never gonna eat bananas again.” Gheghegheghe…. that would be hilarious and link nicely with the product I am selling which is about awareness for the common people so to say.

Well, that was quite an experience. Now it is 02:25 hours here and I still need to make my bed. Which I shall do as a good girl. 🙂

I am happy that I quit. I am exploring some boundaries again and I notice that I like it. I am not expecting all too much from the competition but it would make contacting several organisations so much easier so that would be nice. No matter what, I have given myself til the end of january to work the plan out. If I have not managed to get certain people aboard by then I need to go looking for a job. Wish me luck! 🙂

A woman who loves herself would be more proud of what she had done. But most of all she would have started earlier and not have Netflixed 2 hours yesterday. But then again: I can not work when things inside me are not working with me. I needed to find that spot from where I could speak. And it happened only at 15:00 today so… that’s that. Forcing it is not an issue. I know that. And still…

Well, bedtime. Wishing you a nice sober week!

xx, Feeling

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