What is addictive in the blog

Sat outside, read Nakken and found out what is addictive in this blog. There is addiction in living in the blog, not in the real world. But I’m ok with that now, that’s fine. It has only been 3 weeks, I just need to add more living to my life.

Another part is the way I write. I throw it all out there. No ethics, no censoring (well a little, on my thoughts / fears on AA) and very little to no regard for what other people might feel. I keep peoples feelings in mind when reacting and replying but not in my own blog, does not always work but there is no undo or edit button on the replies. My Publish button is actually calledย  the ‘get it out of your system’ button. It works. But it is using peoples as objects, as

Now there’s a funny thought; I was going to write ‘wall to speak to’. Hmmmm…. sad now.

But that’s what I do, use peoples as a wall to talk to. The intention never starts of with ‘speak with’. Very little speak with. I expect people to talk to me when they disagree or want to tell their story and then I’ll listen, no problem there and that is when things evolve into a conversation. But the mindset is ‘talk to’. Sorry ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Guessing this one will stick with me for some time. It’s a family trait. I feel it is about not letting in, no two-way connection. Can I love, yes. Can I believe anybody can love me? No. Little two-way. Loads of closed doors and walls.

So that’s what I need to look into. Hmmm. Discomfort here.

And laugh it off again; just remembered I got this very nice book ‘The fine art of small talk.’ Bought it to develop some small talk skills for business events and seminars etc. very helpful, very good skill development book. Ghegheghe. This book thing is getting a bit strange. Come to think of it, that’s a family trait as well. But why reinvent the wheel? I know how much it takes to become an expert in a certain subject. And I am thankful to those that are experts in their field and share their knowledge and experience in a book, on the net, in groups or personal session, or in whatever way actually. I believe I paid 16 Euro’s for Craig Nakken’s book. It contains a lifetime of experience! Not buying into everything (yet?) but hey, I will not ask my money back for that :-D.

I learn well by reading. Even though it feels like I can hear everybody screaming by now ‘GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AND START INTERACTING!’ Yes, yes, I will, I will… ๐Ÿ˜‰

Blogging, just like real life, well sort of.

Ghegheghe, I’ve only been out in the sober blog world for about 2 weeks and as you might have read I noticed from day 4 or 5 that I had sort of replaced drinking with being online. It takes a hell of a lot of time to write, check, rewrite posts and commenting. Which is good, time spent thinking is time without drinking, or so. ๐Ÿ˜€ But the time it takes and ooh, the commenting to other peoples posts; making sure I get all the I-statements right, deleting all the preaching, deleting all the smartass replies, deleting all the non of the ‘I’ve read this book and….’, deleting exclamation marks and uppercase, deleting all the jokes that might be misunderstood or go down the wrong way. It takes ages. I have not come to writing ‘I’ in lower case, that seems to be A Thing but I don’t understand The Thing, and looking at my character I guess it takes about 37 years before I can change to lowercase. Sigh and sigh.

And even then… yesterday I replied with something on my brainwashing technique; if I notice negative repetitive thoughts I try to reverse them, see what it does to me, see where it hangs onto etc. I thought I saw somebody losing energy on repetitive negative thinking so I explained how I try to deal with that. And she replied: Yes! I’ll try to think more positive! Which of course is what, somewhere down the line, I said, but shit, I would never, ever, ever!! tell somebody that they ‘just need to cheer up and think positive’. Sorry Annie! It’s a can of worms and I think that maybe I should not be pulling them open unless I’ve got my power issues fixed. I feel so clumsy in this field. But how can I fix my issues if I don’t live? Go out, meet people, blog, reply? I wish I could say my intentions are good but having a major issue with power…. they happen to be not. It’s not that I deliberately try to out power people and have the intent to hurt, but I need to really take action not to. Guess that’s good-ish. Now get the knowledge, practise the skills.

Why? Because I want to be here, it is good for me. And I want to be able to comment, I want to try to share, learn to take in and take out equally. I don’t want to have written a comment, read back and think; I am not helping, I am just showing off, making sure I am noticed. Helping in itself of course is tricky because it also says: I know this stuff better than you / you are not coping, I see that. Or maybe, very maybe that is not that bad, to lend a hand so now and then. Dunno yet. I guess it’s all about the intentions. Got some work to do.

Once we went on a holiday where we kept scores of the people in the group. I ended up nr 1, 2 and 3 in the helpful category and nr 1, 2 and 3 in the anti-social category. Looking back, the anti-social behaviour was all about booze…

Soooooo, hey! I’m perfect now!!! ๐Ÿ˜€

Well, this is my blog helloooo. I can do the smartass stuff here.