Higher Power

NEW! I think I understand the concept of the Higher Power. What?! Yay! Just read the post of Mike and it came to me; to me addiction is not living along the healthy bio-logically along which the Universe operates. To me this world is one of opposing energies, yin and yang if you will, which balance each other out. There is chaos and creation and then there is law and restriction; both are required to build this world and everything in it.

Now when I got addicted I was in a state of unbalance where the chaos and creation (well, more like ‘expansion’) was so big that law and restriction did not get a grip on it in the normal way. They send signs: hangovers, bad work results, financial problems, stupid arguments with family, lousy days after…. They send weight gain, the shame, the depression and bad skin, red hands, blood-shot eyes but I did not listen. That’s when the restriction needs to get bigger and bigger and bigger and rock-bottom enters. Well, I fell, actually literally. Ha! The ground was hard. But it was just and it was solid. And it finally got to me that I was being self destructive and I did not want that anymore.

A lot of things have happened in 2018 already. I spoke with my demon, do not agree with him totally but it gave me an opening: less shame. And I found that I could belong and that I do not HAVE to focus on the negative. Also I found that I can look for help. NEW! Today I realised that if I live along the rules of the Higher Power all will be ok.

And again that means that I should be in bed. Not behind a screen.

Wishing you a beautiful (sober), connected weekend.

I am happy that I quit and grateful, be it in a tiny bit of a sad way, for the things I learn these days.

xx, Feeling

 

6 thoughts on “Higher Power

  1. Lots of great concepts here to ponder – I particularly like your reference to Yin and yang. So important to strike a nice balance in life, but virtually impossible as a drinker. Funny how we look back and couldn’t see it at the time (rather, the drinking was justified at every opportunity).
    Thank you for sharing, hope you had a nice weekend 🌺🌸🌺🌸

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, balance is impossible as a drinker because an addictive personality only ‘wants’ the ‘good’ in life and not the bad and certainly not the work having to do with the bad. 😦 Which is not strange because a lot of people come to this path after too much bad.
      Balance is good. And then: nothing ever happens in balance. Which can be good. And very boring said the addictive personality in me. 🙂
      Yes, strange eh? All the time we thought booze was justified.
      Wishing you a nice new week.
      xx, Feeling

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My old therapist (man I miss her!) introduced me to the concept of ‘greater power’ which as an atheist, just changed something inside me. I used this to think about places and people far away from me when I felt so claustrophobic.. and it would bring me peace. Thinking of how connected we all are.. and how small, insignificant, but contradictory how unique and beautiful we, and everything in this world is.

    Liked by 1 person

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