Hello,
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I am happy that I quit drinking. I am currently taking another dive into my now selfdiagnosed sugar addiction. The hangovers are getting more obvious, the low moods, the lack of confidence, the cravings, the lying to myself – it is all there. Again… I was doing great and then life happened and I was not prepared so back to the chocolate – and you will not be surprised to hear that it came in a larger quantity. 
So, I am happy that I quit drinking but more in a tired way. Now I need to continue. Not sure where and when. Working on it. On and off.
A woman who loves herself would make more of an effort to love herself I guess. I have been torturing myself over not knowing what direction to take when it comes to working. No clue. Business idea was a good idea, when I was on a pink cloud of not eating sugar. Then I went back and everything became stupid. Not sure if they are related but it seems so similar. And so she said while taking another sip of the 3rd glass of sugared soft drink.
Last night I dreamed that I was spending time with a neighbour of mine. She drinks at dangerous levels. It was a horrible dream where I knew I did not drink but because of the sugar thing I kept on falling back into that addictive state of mind. Nasty. Very clear. Very nasty vibe of addiction. Strange thing is that I know I currently do not have the stamina to stop – but also: the addiction keeps the stamina from ‘growing’. It actually eats in on me – well, apart from where it makes me fat. 😀
The difference between ‘need’ and ‘desire’ is difficult for me.
Wishing you a nice sober day/evening,
xx, Feeling
feelingmywaybackintolife 
Sugar is at least, if not more, addicting than booze. I’ve been pretty good about cutting out the sweets, as I’m allergic to chocolate (most women’s go-to) but was terrible with booze. I just recently (2 weeks ago) cut out booze too.
I was using a bit of MIO, the flavor enhancer for water, which I just noticed has sucralose —- no wonder I was wanting more and more! See? Sugar is the enemy, too. It’s everywhere.
hugs to you from one who knows. Gwen
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It is difficult. But Congrats on your 2 weeks! That’s really good!!! 🙂
xx, Feeling
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thanks so much!
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For me, recovery is about changing myself – the way I thought and felt, most importantly about myself. It’s not about the substance(s) I used in an attempt to ignore those feelings. In reality, the easy part of recovery was not using the substance. The hardest part was changing the way I thought and acted on those feelings. In early recovery I was taught to keep a journal of what was I feeling – what was going on in my head and how I was acting. Once I learned to identify those triggers: anger, self-doubt, loneliness, selfishness, etc. I reached out to another to learn how to deal with those feelings without using a substance. For instance, if something didn’t go my way (control/selfishness), drinking wasn’t going to solve my problem. I could drink to excess but the next day all those feelings where still there they next day. I learned to think of myself sitting on a flat stone in the middle of a river. The water is going to find a way around me no matter what I did. That is simply how life operates. However, there are some instances we do have some control over what happens. For me, that’s my interpretation of the Serenity Prayer. More importantly, I learned to find out what was causing me to think and feel the way I did. For instance, you’ve having thoughts of lack of self-confidence and lying to yourself. I believe the most important thing in sobriety is honesty within yourself. If you’re not honest about what is really going on with yourself, you can’t move forward. You have to face those fears. Put them on paper where they can’t hide. Ideally with another person tackle them one by one. In my program, there is a quote I love, “What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” Each day we look at what happened, how we felt and how we acted. I learned to identify those things I need to work on and try to change how I think and how I act in the future. It’s not something that happens overnight. It takes a lifetime to manage. Thus, I will end with this, a suggestion for you. Get involved in you recovery, whether physically or on the Internet. Listen to recovering addicts going through the same thing and learn from those of us who have ‘been there and done that’. Get to know people and ask for their help. You can’t do this alone 🙂 Lastly, sorry for the long read.
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Thank you Mikey for your ‘long read’ :-), your thoughts are very welcome 🙂 And yes, it is not about the substance, for me it is about the attitude of trying not to be here fully and not accepting what life brings – which I guess would be called ‘taking life on life’s terms’. Which is why it bothers me that I am hiding in the sugar.
Not sure if you read my posts regularly but do you find me not honest? I actually THINK that what I do here is to put those fears on paper in a very unedited way. But maybe that is not so to others. As they say; ‘one needs a certain level of competence to realise that one is incompetent’ – I could very well be fooling myself. I myself think I should after 3 year come to some ‘regime’ in this and the ‘freewheeling’ of feelingmywaybackintolife which was beneficial in the begining, is not anymore. Well, let’s see.
xx, Feeling
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The point of my reply was an observation of what you wrote. Your bothered by ‘hiding in sugar”. Instead of alcohol you have turned to sugar for comfort? Are there still unsettled things in your life which sugar, at present, is attempting to bring happiness instead of facing those issues. Does that make sense? For instance, I still smoke. When I’m highly stressed or nervous, my mind automatically focuses on smoking. For me, its fear, uncertainty, self-doubt, etc. of the situation I am in. Instead of facing those situations straight on, I use cigarettes as false escape.
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Yeah, I have turned to sugar. And yes, unsettling things happening :-(. Sorry to hear you smoke. Sugar and smoking. Both nasty habits. Today I have gone total selfdestruct mode. Facing the demon of self-doubt. Addiction is ‘only’ a cover-up. 😦 A band-aid. 😦
xx, Feeling
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