Emotional sobriety

I think I have come to the point where I can say that for me, with my addictive personality and the way my body reacts to things I can not be emotionally sober without quitting sugar. As far as I know myself I can not do the in-between, I always do ‘yes’ or ‘no’. typical addict trait, typical trait of a person with vanishing twin syndrome.

I do not have it in me to stop right now I think. But I will continue this because I need 100% of me for my project. So I will continue to deal as I started when quitting drinking: Keep on writing down the questions that come up. Try to find answers to what is most pressing. Breaking things up into small bite size pieces. ‘How to stop drinking  / quit eating sugar?’ becomes:

How can I stop drinking? I don’t know.

How would I learn? -> I would ask somebody who has stopped drinking. Or people who tell others how to stop drinking.

I don’t know where to find these people? -> Google Is Your Friend.

But then my computer history is going to be about drinking and I don’t want that to be so obvious. -> How do I delete / turn of the internet surf history -> Ask your teenage boy/girl…. 😉 or the help page of your browser.

Ooh my, there are so many organisations. Where do I go? -> write down what you like, go with your gut feeling or sort on price or Google for ‘compare detox centres’ or something like that.

Hey, there are several way to deal with quitting drinking. How do I choose? -> Inform yourself well and given time you will come up with what suits you best.

And in the whole process things like this pop up: There are organisations which help people. Do I need help? NO!!! At which moment I think to notice self-sabotage. So: ok, is that true? If I look at it from the outside it is probably not true. But I don’t want to get help because it will make me feel addicted and I do no want that? Am I addicted? How much do other people drink? (Google is your friend) What is a safe maximum of drinks. Oooh, 14, that is ok, I only do X. Ooh! 14 Is per week. Aaah…. Hmmm :-/ Ok. I need some time to adjust here. Let’s take a …. oh no… Gosh! I might actually have a problem?!

Googling stuff works, but sometimes also brings one further from home than is functional. And specifically being open to examine the internal sabotage helps immensely. Then at some point things fall into place. And with that; keep on starting over and over and over again till you are where you need to be.

Or as they say 😉


But hey! todayisthefirstdayoftherestofyourlife

And at some point the shit that weighs you down will not allow you to feel like there is a future. It is important to deal with shit in your life. Also, it is important to ever when you are ready, realise that you ARE not the shit in your life. You are NOT what happened to you.


Nobody ever woke up saying: “I want to be an addict.”. Ever.

I realise that if I ‘just’ quit sugar I would safe myself a whole lot of time. 😀 Not sure if I can. Not pushing. I am pushing the no chocolate to a certain extend but not the no sugar. Yet.

I am very happy that I quit. Specifically now I feel progress within me again. 🙂

A woman who loves herself would go do what she planned to do. 🙂

Wishing you a nice sober weekend!

xx, Feeling

8 thoughts on “Emotional sobriety

  1. Questions come up..
    Why would quitting sugar make you feel safe?
    Is that true?
    Is sugar dangerous?

    Is it that quitting sugar would show you are in charge? You already quit booze, so you know you can stop a behaviour.

    I spent many years on a very low sugar, low carb diet. Too low.
    But I believe sugar was the cause of my brain fog, joint pain, etc.
    It turned out I am celiac and it was gluten. And alcohol.
    I can eat sugar now, although I don’t so much as I prefer salty and crunchy.

    So…just question to consider.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Anne,
      I’m interested in what you read in my post that makes you ask these questions but I’ll answer them first so to maybe clarify something.

      – Why would quitting sugar make you feel safe?
      Because it is damaging my health, a week without chocolate is the difference between being out of breath when I arrive up the 4 stairs, having no rash and scratching in the evening at my forearms and back (within 2 times scratching it looks like I walked into a nettle bush) and no heart palpatations.

      – Is that true?
      Yup. I do not see what else could cause this.

      – Is sugar dangerous?
      To me, currently I think it is because for my constitution I have taken it over the edge. For others it could possibly be ok. We have diabetis in the family. Which is normal in the UK but on average I think most Dutch people only know maximum of 5-10 people with diabetis.

      – Is it that quitting sugar would show you are in charge?
      I wish! 😀 Ghegheghe… It is not so much the control thing of quitting that I would like but the not having to worry about my health anymore. And, well, yeah, possibly when I put it in another way: I do feel bad about myself because I have no control when it comes to chocolate. But I had no euphoria about quitting over the control, more over the ‘having my life back’ and not waking up worrying about what I had drank and done the evening before and if anybody would notice.

      – You already quit booze, so you know you can stop a behaviour.
      If that were true….. I do not feel like that is true. I am starting to feel that I lack a whole piece of educations I would have gotten if I had spend time with other sober people discussing sobriety in real life. The closer I get to the center of the problem of addiction the more stubborn the core seems. I suspect / have suspected that a big part of my alcohol addiction is fueled by a sensitivity for sugar. In ayurveda one would say: trying to achieve the sweetness of life not by living it but by adding it throug sugar. I think that is very true for me. I do not do a lot of things which bring fun into my life anymore.

      – I spent many years on a very low sugar, low carb diet. Too low.
      I would not go on low carb, ayurveda says it makes people depressed. But I think beans and lentils are preferable to white bread and rice.

      – But I believe sugar was the cause of my brain fog, joint pain, etc.
      Both high sugar and low sugar seem to be able to cause brain fog. The brain only functions on sugar (preferably derrived not from refined sugar but from slow carbs :-)).
      I have no clue about joint pain but I am happy you do not have it anymore – or?

      – It turned out I am celiac and it was gluten. And alcohol.
      I do not think I am celiac because I have tested a few times with not eating gluten for a while and then eating gluten. No major changes.

      – I can eat sugar now, although I don’t so much as I prefer salty and crunchy.
      I used to prefer salty but that was because I flushed all the salt out with alcohol I guess. Then it turned to sugar. 😦 Mostly after the concussion, I ‘needed’ the chocolate to be able to function after 12:00 / 14:00 hours at work.

      – So…just question to consider.
      Consider me considered! 🙂 Or would that be considering? :-/ No sé.

      Is there anything in my answers that makes you go ‘hmmmm.. ‘. I would like to know because I have no check on this in daily life.

      Thank you very much! I’m gonna check out what the weather is where you live now.

      xx, Feeling


      • Awesome.
        I love that you think things through. I expected you would have answers.
        So often people decide something without actually considering how it influences them personally. We are all different.

        It seems you really understand how chocolate impacts you. It almost sounds like you are allergic to it.

        If you were, would that change your approach to it? Could you just leave it behind and find something more supportive to your health? Fruit?

        Ayurveda is pretty supportive of rice. I always feel best when i stick with my Ayurvedic, vata pacifying diet, but it requires planning and effort that I sometimes don’t find.

        It’s so cold here. And dark. But I’m going to florida soon for some sun. I expect I need vitamin d.


        Liked by 1 person

      • Allergy, ghegheghe… yeah, if I would read this from somebody else I would think the same. INow it is about me I do not want to accept that. Denial is such an immens thing.
        Vata pacifying, I have the same.
        Ooh, Florida! Wishing you lots and lots of vitamin D! They say not to wear sunglasses (too much). Which might be difficult coming from the North. Your eyes need the sun too. And part of your skin’s protection against the sun starts through the eyes thinking ‘hey, it is sunny outside’. Nature has made us very well.
        xx, Feeling


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