Today I mailed my letter of resignation to my boss and HR. It is a polite listing of nasty happenings. I am sad. I am very happy that I am going to quit but still sad because I don’t want to leave but I have to if I want to stay sober and stay alive. Her destruction knows no boundaries and sometimes I take them in and start self-destructing too. Not good.
My boss is on holiday so not sure when she reads the mail. I listed that she had called me ‘whore’ several times over, called me a ‘wet mussel’, told the guys several times I was running a sexcam, repeatedly commented very nasty on my clothing and hair, enquired after my first sexual experience and secretly fed me booze ‘for fun’ even though she knew I don’t drink. I followed with saying she promised to stop and that with saying “Oooooh, can’t speak about sex now but when Feeling is gone we can go back to normal.” very much broke the ‘no demeaning, no bullying’ rule that my only response can be to leave. I continued with telling her that if she had been a guy I would have long kicked her in the balls and sued her. And obviously I mentioned that I am ok with working the rest of October with 100% dedication. Which is true.
My Asian college had the solution to everything: “You no laugh. You not speak. When she is, you go. Then you work. You money. We fun. :-)” Which actually is the way she deals with stuff. 🙂 I can’t. I told her I can’t. She said: “You need learn!!” I appreciate her simplified view of the world like; “You angry in head, you not think straight” and “You difficult. We like you. Not everybody like you. You stay. We like you. Others don’t, I sure.” That one really hit home. 😦 I am afraid she could be right. I am strange. Did not think to get that served back at me. I would LOVE to stay, but I can not with my boss being there. And guess who has first rights? 🙂
Then she walked up to the front office guy who takes over my boss’ job when she’s gone. She said: “Feeling leaves because boss hurts her.” And he replies: “The boss hurts everybody.” 😦
It is good to realise that people really do not want me to go. Teamleads from both departments calculated that when I’m gone they will need 3 new people to replace me to make up for the work I did.
Not sure what life will look like now. I am happy that having quit drinking has given me a clearer idea of boundaries and how to feel and create them within myself.
Well, since I got quite a lot of money back from the tax office I actually have more money now than when I started working so that is good. And 2 seconds after mailing the letter a friend texted that she might have a paid assignment for me in the field of my expertise. 🙂 So… GOOD! 🙂
All in all I am happy that I quit. 😀 No clue what I’ll do next. Guess apply for a job at the competitor who is situated around the corner aswell.
Wishing you a good sober weekend.