Ouch! :-D

In addition to my earlier post on how people find me I would like to add this search used by a visitor of my blog:


That one actually really hurt. Ouch!

For those of you not familiar with the backside of WordPress: there is a statistics page which shows how many people visit, who is following, how many posts have been read and… what search words people use who end up at my blog. This person came to my blog with ‘how to fuck up in life’. Yeah. THANK YOU FOR THE REMINDER! 😀

Btw: if you would like to keep your search anonymouslike (only anonymous for the blogs you will visit – not for Google) you can use Google and type the words you are looking for and I think precede that by the word ‘wordpress’ and you get the same-ish result.

I am happy that I quit. I have however a light concussion which was a work accident, not my doing, was bending over and got knocked on the head by an oncoming metal table pushed by a guy who is too strong for this world – still waiting for the flowers to arrive :-D. I have a nasty headache and am mainly very very tired while sleeping 19 hours a day for 5 days in a row now. But mostly I am more emotional than the leave Britney alone homo. First day I felt like I was back in the dark pit where I was when still drinking and hitting rock bottom. ‘I don’t care if I wake up anymooohooooohooooor, I migth as well be deaheaaheaaaad.’ But that is mostly gone now. Well, it is informative. I tried to get into the feeling of ‘This too shall pass.’ Which is actually a good thing. Funny that I, in my whole life, never learned that. Guess my parents must have tried but I can imagine I took it as diminishing my problems.

I am very happy that I quit. Trying to apply the ‘What would a woman who loves herself do?’ principle during the day and gosh it is a big relieve of that mean bitch inside my head. 🙂 Still I am surprised to find that a woman who loves herself actually makes the good choices. I still somehow think she would eat chocolate all day, not cook and go to bed late. The very opposite is true. It does show that my Calvinistic (is that an English word too?) upbringing in the Netherlands has had its influence.

So, too much screentime for me already. The first days after the concussion I could actually see the screen ‘flickre’ (if that is a word – turn on and of very rapidly)

As said: I am happy that I quit, hope you are happy too. Being happy about quitting makes it way easier. Eeasy-peasy I would say, if only I had known…, and now let’s not get arrogant…  I think I should be more into the next steps in sobriety. Not doing that, I feel like I’m standing still and I think that is also the message from the Universe with this concussion. AND I STILL DO NOT HAVE A CLUE WHAT (TF?) I WANT WITH MY LIFE. Well, I do, but I don’t dare to switch. I would love to go into eco farming and natural healing but that switch takes money I don’t have. Let’s see. I notice now that I am only looking at how it is not possible instead of at how it would be possible. Hmmm. Food for thought.

Wishing you a nice sober day. I feel the need to remind you of the free, online alcohol desensitization program I followed. Not sure why I feel that way just now but hey, if you feel on the edge or never want to feel on the edge again, it is worth a try; it is a sort of computer game and it will bore the hell out of your want to drink. Really. 😀 And that is good, very good. There is one ‘game’ for smoking and pot too. Enjoy!

xx, Feeling

11 thoughts on “Ouch! :-D

    • Yeah, that is how it is for me; the moving on is harder. And now it looks like that I again!! have taken somebody elses action to clarify something to me. Which I totally understood the other day and then it escaped me. 😦 Well, I either need to make a next step in my work or move on. Let’s see.
      xx, Feeling

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Nice to find your blog. I didn’t come here via the how to fu## up your life search either 😂 I am also drawn by the holistic, look after yourself, eat well approach to life. Chocolate for me has to be organic, 90%…. LOL! But wine was my downfall in that area. You can’t live healthy and drink like a fish at the same time. Thanks for the sleep advise too. I am going to try a magnesium bath before bed tonight.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ghegheghe, since I posted that post on the searches somebody has been coming to my blog several times using horrible searches, it is really getting absurd. 😀
      And no, living healthy or even happily and large quantities of alcohol don’t go together. I’m happy you quit. 🙂
      The magnesium bath yay! Last night I tried a sleeping mask, I was in total coma. Did not know that the light in my room was too bright for my sleeping pattern. Well, I keep on changing the parameters till I get where I want. Oh yeah, turning of the wifi at night has brought great improvement too. 🙂
      Hope to see you here again! 🙂
      xx, Feeling


      • Oh yay for the sleeping mask! I got one with a new pair of pj’s but haven’t tried it yet.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Give it a try! I have a polyester one that came free with some flight I took somewhere, it does give sweaty eyes (yuck!) but I’ll make me a new cotton one. I think I found ‘my thing’ for sleeping. 🙂 Hoping you find yours too quickly. 🙂
        xx, Feeling


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