Now I am where I need to be, synchronicity brings me what I need to deal with

Aaaaaah πŸ™‚ The Universe provides; here I am, in my former post, stalling the subject of procrastinating, writing I will deal with that ‘in another post’. On pushing the publish button and going to the Reader again I find the post mentioned below. At 11:11 hours exactly… How is that for synchronicity? πŸ™‚

How can a seeker deal with doubts and laziness?

The post is from Sadhguru whom you can find on his website and on Youtube and next month in Paris. πŸ™‚

But I very much exist in a far bigger way than he could ever imagine, because one who depends on thought can only imagine life. He cannot live or know life.

I need to deal with procrastinating and found some fears. This, mentioned in the blogpost from Sadhguru reminds me of part of it. In the business world where I came from I depended on thought only, well, mainly. And now I have changed. Not sure how but doing only the brain thing is not an option anymore. And I feel the working world depends on thoughts only and I am afraidΒ  I can not match myself or sustain or keep myself whole or keep myself on my recovering path when I walk into that world. I actually think that fear is true, if I move into the working world in the same way as I used to do. So now I have to find another way. Whether the fear is real or not, I need to find a way to deal with this aspect.

It is a possibility. The more you doubt, the more of a possibility you become.

Aaah, I take this a little bit different. I notice I doubt and when I doubt I feel less stuck, it seems to create possibilities. I LOVE possibilities. They give me the idea of freedom. I am thinking I hit upon the point of the need for transcendence here. I do not know a lot about that but what I know the natural need for transcendence seems to be the spiritual core of addiction.

If you are suspicious, you already have a conclusion, β€œMaybe, the whole thing is nonsense” – this is a suspicion, not a doubt.

This is where I have a suspicion that I cannot do stuff, will die if I pay my bills, will break down if I ask for help, will be broken down when I ask for help, blablablablaaah. And a lot of it is based on suspicion and not on information. Most of it I do not even try. And if I try I do not take the information that I get out of it as true. I have paid bills. I never died of it. Still I think I die because of it.

You have a conclusion already, and you are trying to work towards that conclusion.

Yes, that would be me. I have what we call the ‘prayer card’ from the mother of my SIL in front of me. She died several weeks ago. She was a very wise woman in a very clear way. She speaks to me now saying things like ‘Well, if you have not tried, how can you know how the outcome will be?’

And now that you have a logical mind, a mind which is deeply conditioned by all kinds of beliefs, thoughts, philosophies and influences from the outside, you are not able to keep it aside. So, if there is a huge struggle every day about the methods that are given to you, about the person, about the possibility itself, I would say it is better you work one step at a time.

Yes! Very much applicable in my life. I mean, only look at the shifts between writing, tapping, Ayurveda, Schuessler cell salts, Bach remedies, vitamins, nutrients, food. And that is only the health part of it! Which btw also shows how I appreciate the road of the ‘something outside needs to fix something inside’. :-/ He says it himself: one step at the time. πŸ˜€ HOW APPLICABLE! πŸ™‚

Wherever you are, do you understand that right now, you exist within certain limitations? If there is a limitation – a boundary – there must be something beyond the limitation? Whether the boundlessness exists or not, at least you can perceive that if there is a boundary, there must be something beyond the boundary.

This is very much what is troubling me. I have little clue what he speaks about and what boundlessness is but I WANT IT!! And I feel locked up in being human, I want out. Not sure where I would be going but I do feel trapped in me. That is a basic feeling I have had all my life. Like being in my body makes me vulnerable – which unfortunately has been real 😦 But I think there is more to it than that. Drinking myself senseless was part of ‘trying to get out’. And currently, now my hair has gone gray, my ass fat and my boobs are joining my navel the physical threat seems to have lessened. Now I think that paying bills is the worst way of being locked up.

Right now, your spiritual process is just to work from one limitation to another limitation. You break this limitation, move into the next level of limitations. You break that and move into the next level.

Ghegheghe, which is…. exactly what I wrote about in the first paragraph of the post before ono the dealing with one addiction at the time. Ghegheghe. πŸ™‚

You do not know whether the Ultimate exists or not. You don’t have to imagine or mentally create the Ultimate – this destroys many possibilities within you.

I do not understand this but want to write down for later reference that this is the 3rd time in 2 days that I come upon a version of the word Ultimate. Yesterday I found Ulti-something in the new Stanford Philosophical wiki. Then an Ulti-somethingΒ  appeared in Stargate as something of importance. And now hear. Let’s look into this. πŸ™‚

Just see that you are existing in certain limitations right now and how to break those limitations. If you break it, you will move into the next prison – a bigger one.

It is amazing how this article aligns with my process. Lets see where it leads. As I am writing I am reading – or visa versa.

If you break that, you will move into the next one. As you keep breaking it, let’s see where the hell it goes. At least let’s move into a better prison. That’s all you are trying to do with every aspect of your life – just trying to take one more step, isn’t it? Even with the spiritual process, just take one more step at a time.

Yes, that is what I am doing. Wondering now if he’s going to say ‘this is not the way’. Or yes, or not, or…

Some years ago, the Indian cricket team beat the Australian team in Australia, which had not happened for 22 years. I was reading in a magazine about the player – who comes from Bangalore – who scored 233 runs. When people asked him β€œHow do you play? Do you play to win the game or the series or what?”, he replied, β€œI try and play one ball at a time. I’m not playing the match. The most important thing to realise when you are batting is that the only thing that decides your fate, your score, your career or anything else, is that next ball.” He said, β€˜If you can do that over a long period of time, you will succeed. It is not an easy thing to do, though.” This man got it, because you can only play one ball at a time. But he says it is hard because he is trying mentally.

Ghegheghe…. one ball at the time. Exactly! πŸ˜€ One prison at the time, one addiction at the time, obviously.

Only when you begin to know life and understand the limitations of life, the longing to go beyond life arises. If you are not intimately in touch with life, your longing to go beyond life is just a falsehood; all you are looking for is a drink.

Ghegheghe, this synchronicity is so wonderful! πŸ™‚ Check out that last sentence. It is amazing. The rest is amazing too btw. πŸ™‚

Just work one ball at a time. Right now, what is your limitation, how to go beyond this.

So that I must do. With quitting alcohol I read the book ‘Quitting the drink easily’ from Jason Vale and with every ‘reason’ for drinking he mentioned I sat down and felt and thought about how it attached to me – or how I attached to the drink. And then I found a counter argument / place to live from and severed the connection. So I am guessing this is what I must do with procrastinating. Look at it. Ieeeeeeeeeeeeehks!!! And that would be the first question: why do I fear looking at it so much? Because I feel totally out of control there, I can not oversee things and I fear this is where I fail BIG TIME. Not a little BIG TIME but BIG BIG TIME like friends and family would not like to know me anymore if they knew what a failure I was in doing stuff.

Hmmm, it feels true but it sounds a bit strange. It does not sound true. But it feels true. But it sounds funny, not really true, possibly true? Noooo, well, aaaahrg! Dunno!

Back to separating from the feeling and panick: this is very informative. It very much sounds like I get stuck here. It needs investigating. Not now. Next post.

Whatever methods have been given to you, are they breaking some of your limitations? That’s all you have to see. If they are breaking, it’s fine, continue to break. Don’t worry about the ultimate. If it’s one ball at a time, doubt is no problem.

So, my former tries at dealing with procrastinating have not been ‘adequate’ or maybe, like addiction it showed up in newer forms and I had to go deeper. Yes, I guess I have to go deeper. That has worked with former addictions: looking at it, studying them. Oooh yeah, compassion works. Knowledge works. Looking for knowledge works because that is somehow forming too. Rigorous honesty and baby steps. Guess I’m back at the post I came from. πŸ™‚

What has changed? In real life nothing. But in my life I have spent about 2 hours looking at procrastinating and how it connects with me / how I do that.Β  NEW!!!! And I have learned that I am still alive. πŸ™‚ NEW!!!! And looking for chocolate!!! No. Not going there. πŸ™‚

I will go make a mind map of all the work things I would like. No promises.

I am happy that I quit because I am learning a lot. This sugar detox is going well too actually. πŸ™‚ Looking forward to dealing with the next hurdle NEW!!!!! πŸ™‚ Feeling curious, feeling a little anxious, feeling proud of this post. πŸ™‚

I need: to keep breathing and to learn to not drown in feelings. Feelings are motivators, feelings are information, but I am not sure if feelings should be running the show on their own.

I want: ooh, to sleep. πŸ™‚ And chocolate. No!

I take: Ayurvedic pills. Sometimes Schuessler salt Magnesium against chocolate urges. Doing that now. πŸ™‚

3 Things: 1 Synchronicity. 2 The post from Sadhguru. I am still not sure if I would buy a 2nd hand car from him but he says things that I can understand / so I can understand them. 3 The potatoes I just ate. They were marvellous. I tried to boil them while writing this post. First I kept the water boiling for 15 minutes (small potatoes) without adding the potatoes. Then I added the potatoes, set the alarm again but forgot to press the start button. All while writing about ‘1 ball at the time’. πŸ˜€ Yesterday I finished the cookbook from my Ayurvedic doctor I was ‘supposed’ to finish last Sunday. He repeatedly says: when you cook, do not do other things than cooking. Cooking needs love and attention. One step at the time. πŸ™‚ And what is in the way is The Way.

On discipline: well, stuff is moving, slowly. No promises.

Hope you have a nice day/evening!

xx, Feeling

No copyright infringement was intended with this post.

4 thoughts on “Now I am where I need to be, synchronicity brings me what I need to deal with

    • Well actually…. it is not mine. It is from Marry O’Malley – I still have to get her book with the same title but even thinking of this every day is already such a discovery. Marry comes from a background of addiction. You can find more of her on youtube etc. Getting out of that prison she found ‘What is in the way is The Way’. πŸ™‚
      xx, Feeling


  1. Hi Feeling,
    I am working on procrastination myself.
    I realize that I make things much harder in my mind than it really turns out to be.
    I think kicking one ball at a time, is like saying one small step at a time.
    I tend to make mountains out of molehills.
    If I can just start, I am usually okay.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Wendy!
      Yeah, that is my thing: I can do ‘anything’ but I can not start. Which, I believe, for me, has to do with the idea that if I start I am ‘stuck’ and the whole idea of being addicted is ‘not being stuck’. I think it comes down to that.
      And then there is the Bach remedie ‘Hornbeam’ on procrastinating. Which I don’t take either ;-).
      xx, Feeling

      Liked by 1 person

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