Yeah, step 1

I updated my Linkedin Profile today. That would be step 1. My heart breaks over and over again when dealing with this past in which I used to be succesful and all of which I drank away. It takes a lot of practice to let go of the pain and continue. My short-term memory still sucks, I would assume it would get better in time but often I can’t remember what I had for dinner the night before. Or what I did the day before. I’m guessing it has to do with lack of organisation in my life and my brain but still. It scares me. But, ok, I updated my profile.

I pulled a tarot card today on what my Karma issue was; I got Fortune reversed. That would be accurate. 😀 Not being able to hold on to money has always been a thing. Sigh. Well, better deal with it now than later. I guess when I do so I will be filthy rich in my next life. 😀

I am happy that I quit. Not so much in a happy happy kind of way but more in a ‘a year from now you will be happy that you started today’ kind of way.

I need: to get outside and see if I can get some fresh air.

I want: well, again, I want things to be simple. Wonder why I make such issue of everything if I just want things to be simple?

I take: Schuessler salts against arm pain. It is lessening, also due to my thick selfmade woolen sweater I wear all day now. And I slept a little better. Which is good too.

On discipline: well, I updated my profile. And realised spiritual growth is not a commonly used currency. When I posted that I got reactions from my SIL who really seems to understands shit about the position where I am in saying ‘supportive things’ like ‘just do it’. Thank you. If I could just do it I would just do it. And yes, well, sorry again… it’s just that the ‘help’ I get from that direction has to do with judging me into shape. It doesn’t work. I wish, wish, wish, wish very much that I could learn a LOT from this because it is EXACTLY how I approach people but damn it is hurtful, negative and destructive. 😦  I find it hurtful and I feel I have to guard myself against her too while doing this.

3 Things: well I guess updating my profile, my home sewn warm blanket sweater 🙂 and OOH! Having lost 2 kilo’s without even dieting AND eating about 100grams of dark dark chocolate a day. Must be due to the Ayurvedic pills and possibly the walking I did when my bike was broken. And…. I started of with some meditation this morning; practising to feel and let the feelings be, let them pass as ships on the see, clouds in the sky – no attachment, just picking up the information. Saves a LOT of trouble. Let’s see if that can be brought into a daily routine. Hmmm, maybe I can get a book about it? 😀

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ghegheghe…

🙂 Wishing you a nice day/evening. 🙂

xx, Feeling

4 thoughts on “Yeah, step 1

  1. I read your last post and an glad to read you are taking a step forward.

    I always feel a kinship with you. We read and analyze. Perhaps in an attempt to not feel the emotional response. Perhaps to find the right answer. To avoid making a mistake? To a pose criticism?

    My plan this weekend is to stop seeking again. To read fiction and believe what I know and believe now is enough.

    Maybe you might need a similar plan? Just sit still and try to listen to what your heart wants you to do. And do it. No advice allowed!


    Maybe not. But that’s my plan

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hi Anne,
      Reading and analyzing 🙂 . My reading is actually an overwhelming experience of feeling myself react to what I read but there could be that part where I react to the book, so I don’t have to react to reality…. :-/
      And now I read Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer inbetween 🙂 Kids books, English, really cool! A 12 year old genius hacks his way into the fairy world. Cute and a good read for both kids and adults (the bookstoreman and his daughter like the series!). They have a good build up in awesomeness so it is important to start at book 1. If you like 🙂
      Listen to my heart will happen right now: sleep. And some meditating tomorrow. 🙂
      Have a good day and thank you for dropping by.
      xx, Feeling

      Liked by 1 person

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