10 Months, growing and mourning

These days I have come to the point where I feel it is within me to actually take control of my finances. And therewith the feeling of stupidity and guilt towards my mom disappears which directly makes place for grieve. I miss her.

I am happy that I quit in a way that I now deeply understand the necessity of it. 10 Months ago today was day 1 :-). That was exhilarating, scary, overwhelming and I was so happy that I had quit. Still am. 🙂

I want: this grieving to fall into place.

I need: to sleep most likely

I take: chocolate

3 Things: Ha! I just paid a bill which was due, 3 minutes before midnight. 😀 Yes, yes, does not sound like control but at least I did it. The piece of art of the video above exactly showing the darkness of my road. My cat, who has been trying to get my attention the whole evening. 🙂

I hope you have a good night/day,

xx, Feeling

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6 thoughts on “10 Months, growing and mourning

  1. “And therewith the feeling of stupidity and guilt towards my mom disappears which directly makes place for grieve. I miss her.” And therein lies the clue feeling. All of this other stuff stops you from thinking about your mum – a maladaptive coping strategy (just like booze was for me too). This is a huge insight and you are right about your want 🙂 10 months – go you!! xx

    Liked by 1 person

      • Oh feeling {big hug} It needed to come out and you will feel better for it with time. I did the same, gulping down our tears with our bottles of beers, don’t be too hard on yourself xx

        Liked by 1 person

      • Aaaah, dear Louise, I’m fine, I am exactly where I need to be, it’s just that that is hurting. But that is what it should do so it is ok. Still taking comfort from your hug. 🙂 ❤

        Like

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