So, am I happy I am now 6 days sugar free. The fog is leaving me. I get more energy and hence a little restless writing this because I want to do things. I’ve set up a mini course in my field of knowledge and presented it to consumers on Facebook rather than companies and it gets a lot of attention. The free trial to see test the program and schedule (and my ability to work with non-professionals…) had 10 subscriptions in half an hour already. It makes me feel good. 🙂
Part of my road is to learn that I can not live without people. It is a lesson I am somehow not willing to learn. A hangover free life’s post of today gave me some insight in why I think I think I need to distantiate. I thought today ‘I have a blog so I don’t get interrupted or messed with while thinking and feeling things through.’ I am not a group person. I don’t think group likes me very much either. Working on that. I am realising the last days that I actually like and need to be seen, that it makes me happy, that it feels healthy and that I have a need to be appreciated (as in ‘not being de-appreciated’). Acknowledging that is a big step.
Not sure how long it is going to take to make the next step and enjoy other people myself, because of them, not for me. Yes, sorry. No I don’t want to disregard our friendship. And I know I am not supposed to be that way, and no, it is not a 100% so, I am speaking of the tendency I have. Maybe I am coming to this point where they say; ‘and then you learn it is not all about you.’ Which is a very legit statement, however I have never heard anybody say or write it with love, so I don’t like to hear or read it.
I am guessing this not knowing how to energetically deal with people is a combination of my ‘Asperger upbringing’ speaking and this part where I feel I ‘miss a protective layer of my aura’ – not sure how to call it but everything affects me different from most people.
I am reading back and I know I can leave out the 3 paragraphs on connecting to people. And possibly I could have but I, I want to show what is me. And what I am dealing with. I feel like I am at this seesaw of extreme emotions. One day I feel totally connected and loving and then I run home to deal with it and go to this isolated place where it is lonely but peaceful. I guess, also with connections I have not really found a way to handle what comes in through the door and what goes out. Did I ever tell you that even my house has doors that do not close by themselves, all the locks are funny. 1 Door is shut and cannot be opened without breaking it. And all the other 3 doors have handle thingies that do not handle. How typical.
Well, happy that I am on day 6 of no sugar.
Happy that I quit drinking. Still difficult to get into the feeling. It is a knowing and I want to get to the feeling of it. So, might as well do as I tell others; ‘Sit down and try to notice what keeps you from being happy about it.’ Ok, I am not feeling happy about having quit because it is taking very long. And I want things to be over. Aaah, I want to be normal and to drink normal. Hmmmm… Not to have to always take care, not to have to, in the back of my mind have this worry that I walk around being a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.
Now THAT is informative….. Hmmmm :-S. So I experience the having to take care of me as a burden. I guess that has been so since I found my BP has gone up. I think if I look back I see posts that score below a 6 on the happiness scale since then. I don’t have it in my to change my feelings about that now. I guess I have just got to work my way through it with caring. Doing what I should be doing anyhow. Having the pressure of procrastinating exercise is also giving pressure. Hmmm. I’ve had it. I’m off, going to do stuff.
I want: to do stuff
I need: to stick to my schedule and have breaks (aaah… that word again)
I take: some Schuessler salt on high BP
I fear: well, next to all the things I deny I currently fear nothing.
Have a nice day everybody,