The fog is leaving, insights are coming and other people

So, am I happy I am now 6 days sugar free. The fog is leaving me. I get more energy and hence a little restless writing this because I want to do things. I’ve set up a mini course in my field of knowledge and presented it to consumers on Facebook rather than companies and it gets a lot of attention. The free trial to see test the program and schedule (and my ability to work with non-professionals…) had 10 subscriptions in half an hour already. It makes me feel good. ๐Ÿ™‚

Part of my road is to learn that I can not live without people. It is a lesson I am somehow not willing to learn. A hangover free life’s post of today gave me some insight in why I think I think I need to distantiate. I thought today ‘I have a blog so I don’t get interrupted or messed with while thinking and feeling things through.’ I am not a group person. I don’t think group likes me very much either. Working on that. I am realising the last days that I actually like and need to be seen, that it makes me happy, that it feels healthy and that I have a need to be appreciated (as in ‘not being de-appreciated’). Acknowledging that is a big step.

Not sure how long it is going to take to make the next step and enjoy other people myself, because of them, not for me. Yes, sorry. No I don’t want to disregard our friendship. And I know I am not supposed to be that way, and no, it is not a 100% so, I am speaking of the tendency I have. Maybe I am coming to this point where they say; ‘and then you learn it is not all about you.’ Which is a very legit statement, however I have never heard anybody say or write it with love, so I don’t like to hear or read it.

I am guessing this not knowing how to energetically deal with people is a combination of my ‘Asperger upbringing’ speaking and this part where I feel I ‘miss a protective layer of my aura’ – not sure how to call it but everything affects me different from most people.

I am reading back and I know I can leave out the 3 paragraphs on connecting to people. And possibly I could have but I, I want to show what is me. And what I am dealing with. I feel like I am at this seesaw of extreme emotions. One day I feel totally connected and loving and then I run home to deal with it and go to this isolated place where it is lonely but peaceful. I guess, also with connections I have not really found a way to handle what comes in through the door and what goes out. Did I ever tell you that even my house has doors that do not close by themselves, all the locks are funny. 1 Door is shut and cannot be opened without breaking it. And all the other 3 doors have handle thingies that do not handle. How typical.

Well, happy that I am on day 6 of no sugar.

Happy that I quit drinking. Still difficult to get into the feeling. It is a knowing and I want to get to the feeling of it. So, might as well do as I tell others; ‘Sit down and try to notice what keeps you from being happy about it.’ Ok, I am not feeling happy about having quit because it is taking very long. And I want things to be over. Aaah, I want to be normal and to drink normal. Hmmmm… Not to have to always take care, not to have to, in the back of my mind have this worry that I walk around being a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.

Now THAT is informative….. Hmmmm :-S. So I experience the having to take care of me as a burden. I guess that has been so since I found my BP has gone up. I think if I look back I see posts that score below a 6 on the happiness scale since then. I don’t have it in my to change my feelings about that now. I guess I have just got to work my way through it with caring. Doing what I should be doing anyhow. Having the pressure of procrastinating exercise is also giving pressure. Hmmm. I’ve had it. I’m off, going to do stuff.

I want: to do stuff
I need: to stick to my schedule and have breaks (aaah… that word again)
I take: some Schuessler salt on high BP
I fear: well, next to all the things I deny I currently fear nothing.

Have a nice day everybody,

xx, Feeling

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7 thoughts on “The fog is leaving, insights are coming and other people

  1. Sounds like you’re a textbook introvert, my friend, as am I. I’m super sensitive when it comes to other people, and often have to seek out solitude in order to regain the massive amount of energy that I expend by being social. I detest small talk and would much rather have deep, meaningful conversations with people that allow me to connect with them on a deeper level. Makes it a bit difficult at parties… haha.

    I guess my point is that I know where you’re coming from, and I don’t think that you’re being selfish or aloof by being more inwardly-focused. Good work on the no-sugar diet, also! I certainly need to embrace this soon :).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Feeling,
    I love people!
    But I need a break from them, too.
    So if I have a lot of people day, then I need a reading day.
    I am happier with being by myself now.
    But if I don’t a real people fix, I get lonely so then I head out to yoga or the coffee shop.
    Sorry – I am wandering!
    I am glad about your FB course! That sounds promising!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Wendy, thank you for telling me how you feel/deal. Somehow I find it very difficult to say that I have difficulty energetically dealing with people. Hearing that other people have something like that is nice. Makes me feel like I am not the only one. Thanks! ๐Ÿ™‚
      xx, Feeling

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Great about the Facebook course – brilliant idea!!

    I’m exactly the same when it comes to other people. I never really know what that small talk thing is all about – I would rather talk about deeper things with people who know me well. And even then I have to be alone again after having spent time with others. And yet, I know I do need connection, and I do need to be sociable, as too much time alone isn’t good for me.
    I’ve recently bought a kindle book on highly sensitive people. It’s an interesting read, because the explanations really resonate, and there is some good advice. Also, it takes the emphasis away from sensitivity being a solely negative trait, instead it’s just one aspect of our personality which has both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ implications, and we can learn to get the most from it. I will check the name and let you know ๐Ÿ™‚

    Day 6 of no sugar is amazing – I am in awe!

    xx

    Liked by 1 person

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