Yeah, 1,5 kilo down!

Yeah, 4-5 days continuously without sugar and I lost 1,5 kilo without changing anything else in my ‘diet’. Eh….. 30 to go. πŸ˜€ No… not. I am happy that I quit sugar. And I am guessing you will be happy that I quit moaning about it. Progress is good, it makes me happy. Happy is good, it keeps me from drinking. Well, not that I think I would drink if I was unhappy. Not sure, it is an addiction after all. But ha! I don’t have to worry about it because I am making progress and I am happy and I am not there where I would like to drink so no worry. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

I just noticed that I am pretty exact-like in anything, boring and possibly shocking people with details on anything but I never told anybody how much I weigh. Funny isn’t it. There must be a taboo there. Let’s see what happens if I let the beast out: I am 1,67 and 82 kilo’s now. I come from 87,5 kilo’s. Ha, it very much feels like it is none of your business (sorry, this is an experiment) and I feel uncomfortable mentioning it :-D. My mind is making up all kinds of things why I should not mention it. Funny how I wrote in my ‘About’ exactly how much I drank because I need that out there to ‘come clean’ and I am hiding my weight. It feels the same but is it? Not sure. Does knowing my weight change anything for you? (You are allowed to say that you are happy that I am fatter than you :-D)

I am happy that I quit. Because otherwise I would be in the same trouble but have not way to figure it out.

I am happy that I quit sugar, not doing it 100% strict but 99%, and that is good. And no pressure. Just see how it goes. I think today I am happy because the fog is leaving and also because I DID IT!! It is so peaceful to not having to hide from the talking that says ‘I should actually quit’. Why worry so much: I have a mild version of hypoglycemia and diabetes runs in my family so obviously our build is such that we do not stomach sugar well. And it gets me sooooo depressed when eaten in large quantities. Ooh, and I am an addict so I can only do the black or white, not the grey and not the moderation.

I am proud of having done that, I am proud of how I have, in the last days tried to find ways to lower my BP, exercise, Falun Dafa, relaxation, be with people, go to bed on time, breathe, lessen the screen time.

I want: everything to be easy, no I would be lost if that was the case. :-/ Hmmmmm.. food for thought.

I need: to get a move on but without the stress and since I can not yet do that I need to take it one step at the time. And I guess that is EXACTLY the lesson that is in there. Hmmm.

I fear: the same shit. And I fear that I, by now (actually by a month ago) have started really boring you with my non developments and moaning.

I take: a few salts on high BP.

I hope you have a nice day / evening / night!

xx, Feeling

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17 thoughts on “Yeah, 1,5 kilo down!

    • Aaaah, thank you Bea ❀ ❀ <3. Until you wrote that I had not realised that indeed I was looking for (and in need of) approval. It is very adicty to think that things need to come from the outside, but sometimes, they just do. πŸ™‚ Thank you!
      xx, Feeling

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  1. You sound great! You’re very brave to share your weight – we are so close, as you started out (almost) where I am now – I’m 90kg. I have work to do! But as you’ve said, 1 day at a time. 1 thing at a time. For me, I don’t know, right now it feels good to ALSO work some on my weight through diet and exercise because I know it is a way of loving and taking care of myself. And I could use some of that “I feel better about myself” stuff. Anyway, I digress. So, what do I think about you sharing? No, you’re not boring. Bea’s right. You seek out and share a lot of info that I have regularly found very helpful. You sharing your weight makes me feel less isolated. Less “different.” Less “worse than everyone else.” More like I have a friend. So thank you. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aaah, I love to be your friend but I hope that does not depend on either my or your weight ;-).
      Cool that you feel good about working on yourself. πŸ™‚ When I am in that place in my life I feel so much better. And I am happy to share some extra ugly secrets here if that makes you feel better ;-). Did I tell you that I lost those few kg’s and all I got was sagging boobs? 5 Cm lower sagging and ‘dangling’. They have never dangled! And my but begins to sagg too. I think it is unfair. Quit drinking, get sagging boobs. But firm poo. Sober, with firm poo, sagging boobs and a sick sense of humor. That sums it up. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€
      xx, Feeling

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  2. Way to go feeling πŸ™‚ Have been grazing all evening – dark chocolate, honey roasted peanuts, honey fruit and nut mix. Don’t know what’s the matter with me – not hungry just needing to eat!! πŸ˜‰ xx

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  3. Dear Feeling,
    I think you are awesome!
    I think you are funny, kind and insightful.
    Just stopping drinking is a lot of work!
    I think you were very brave sharing your weight.
    I have been heavy, medium, and thin.
    But I was still Wendy.
    xo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank Wendy, I love that. πŸ™‚ My mom, when she had cancer and finally went through chemo lost all her hair. And she was worried what people, what we (her children) would think of her. I did not understand. I sensed it was very important to her so I said: ‘Mom, I really don’t understand what you are asking me.’
      ‘Well, don’t you think differently of me now I don’t have hair?’
      ‘Mom, I still do not understand the why of your question but, no, I do not think differently of you now you don’t have hair. You are my mom. Hair, no hair, whatever, legs, no legs, you are my mom.’
      However true that was, I never thought it would count for me and my weight too. πŸ™‚
      Thank you! Working on the work. πŸ™‚
      xx, Feeling

      Liked by 1 person

  4. That’s great! Nice work stopping the sugar. I struggle with it everyday. It tastes too good damnit. Knowing your weight changes nothing- even if I did understand the metric system. lol Keep it up!

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    • Thank you Dustin! I’m really enjoying it, and the fog is disappearing again. I am just very susseptible (is that the word?) to sugar, ha, and addiction, so it is good for me to not to eat sugar. I think sugar is the gateway drugs.
      From the top of my head this is about 60 ounces and 1/5th of a dress size.
      xx, Feeling

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      • You’re welcome. I agree but I think sugar is a type of drug, maybe that’s what you are stating. Yes susceptible is a word. πŸ˜† glad the fog is lifting. It’s better to navigate when you can see the stars. πŸ˜‰

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      • I do differentiate them but its a complex explanation. lol I see it at a drug in the way that it stimulates the brain. Anything that stimulates the reward pathways in the brain we interpret it as something that’s necessary for life and therefore, we think it needs to be repeated. There is a study done on rats and when they were given sugar, the same part of the brain lit up- and lit up higher, than when they were given cocaine. This don’t mean they are in that way similar but it is why I categorize sugar as a drug. I do put it in a different sub-category of course. I hope that makes some sense.

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      • Yeah, that makes sense. I think the same about it now but I notice am still searching for evidence that can put sugar in the same category AND not make a sub-category out of it but put it at the beginning of the scale. Tiny difference but I guess for me it is important because I do think it is the gateway drug. In my (extremist) thinking the bottom step of the staircase is not there when one calls sugar a subcategory. Or maybe, maybe, maybe, sugar is only a first step IF and WHEN we are in the unhappy part of the building where we are enjoying getting out. The future will tell I guess. πŸ™‚
        xx, Feeling

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      • I don’t think your ideas are extreme. But then again I’m an atheist anarchist. Lol I’ll have to look in to the sugar thing more. I’ve not ever come to a solid conclusion based on any evidence. Now I want to know. Haha

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      • Ghegheghe, I think I can outdo you saying that I am an atheist extremist but that was, it is not anymore. Funny how even I have been ‘milded up’ by Anne (ainsobriety) in these months here.

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