7 Months anniversary and sugar free-ish for a week +

Well, see header.

I’m happy that I quit. Being challenged in a new job and finding my path is way better than drinking and being depressed. On this side of The Decission it all sounds so simple. And I think the beauty of it is, is that it is. ‘Drugs are bad, mkay.’

I want: ooooooh, this is a tricky one, with writing this I notice I still want ‘the day to be over’ so I can relax. Which obviously means that I feel quite some pressure. So I need to see what that is about and how I can deal with that without running away.

I need: my brains on me and to relax and breath and trust.

I take: yogurt with muesli – and the 12 Schuessler pills which are actually milk sugar so I am not totally sugar free but I do feel the kilo’s melting off me and after a day or 4 of no sugar I started to feel like my brain is becoming more functional every day. Some of these 12 are meant to improve the take up of nutrients in the body so if that starts to work better I think I will have less craving and less ups and down and… well, wishful thinking but I am noticing improvements in the area where you do not want to be informed about in the early morning.

I fear: that I will not be able to finish the assignment for today. This is such a good addition to the list because is actually makes me look actively at what I fear. I think I start to notice that every day there is a fear that pops up and I cling to. Since I have work, it is work, if I have no work it is admin. Looks like live in fear constantly. This is not ‘feeling unsure’ it is ‘tightening of all my muscles having difficulty breathing normally’. I think the English word is anxiety but with a big whiff of fight-flight-freeze. I’m good in the freeze department. Funny how developmental issues slowly come to pop up in due time.

Have a nice day!

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11 thoughts on “7 Months anniversary and sugar free-ish for a week +

  1. I’ve got another ‘f’ – float. Try floating above the fear for a moment to look for other, different perspectives on the situation. I’m working on trying this myself… Have a great day! X

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  2. Yay feeling! 🙂 I say flight, fight and freeze as part of the emergency limbic brain response so you are spot on – although I like waking up’s suggestion 🙂 xx

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  3. Me too!
    I learned something called: Face, Accept, Float, Let time Pass
    t helped me get through a lot of anxiety.
    I just floated above the fear. I pretended I was on a cloud. It works!
    Big Hugs!
    Wendy

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      • It was from an old book by Dr. Claire Weekes called “Peace From Nervous Suffering”. It’s still in print for cheap! She has another one called “Hope and Help for Your Nerves”. They are kind of old-fashioned, but I still use her advice!

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  4. YAY! 7 monthiversary! You rock, Feeling. And sounds like you’re doing great with the sugar too…I’m proud of you. I know how hard that is. And you inspire me to get there.

    YOU HAVE BEEN SOBER FOR 7 MONTHS. AH-MAZING. I hope you are planning to give yourself a very nice treat to celebrate. You’ve come a long way, baby.

    Hope you’re job is going well, that you are enjoying a restful weekend so far. ❤

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    • I’m finally doing the work I got sober for. Not sure I am enjoying it yet. Currently sitting down and trying to unpannic and get a inkling of WTF is going on with me. Perfection, shame, anger, disappointment, loss of faith (but loss of 4 kilo’s too! I guess due to my salts and no sugar – well actually I did eat 2 bars since the 7 months anniversary), dispair, confusion, anger again…. Lost, missing my mom or just somebody who would NOT tell me what to do immediately so I could get to the bottom of this and who would just help me work it out. Lonely. NEW! 🙂 / 😦

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      • I think you have a good handle on some of the things you’re experiencing, and are able to see them mostly objectively. It’s natural that you’d be going through a few bumps after not working for a certain time period…that makes it somewhat of a Big Deal for you to go back, and it’s definitely unsettling to your routine, at the very least. I think it’ll simply take some time for you to adjust…and in the meantime, be kind kind kind and gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to go through the adjustment period. I would take a guess and say that you probably feel tired and unbalanced, and it’ll take awhile for work to feel normal in your routine, for you to feel like you’re getting enough down-time, alone time to recuperate. Sending a big hug! ❤ ❤ ❤

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      • Thank you. Crying here. I realise, with reading ‘a Big Deal’ to go back that there is a lot of ego not wanting to bend going on as well. Having been a succesful consultant and now working for wages. Not liking it. Having been free to do as I say and now being restrained and ‘needing to tie in.’ Needing to ‘fit in’. I never used to have to do that. I was the magician. Pfffff, addictive structure in that perception too. Lifting me above what is. Ghegheghe. Fuck this is difficult. Noticing that I lift my per day which I would have made per hour if I had not started drinking. Ego, ego, ego. It’s the price I pay for not living the real life and having been drinking. SHIT! GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
        THANK YOU for listening and commenting. There is an opening now. 🙂
        Hug accepted, just crying now, letting go. Wow, this is pffff, well I’ve always thought / feared that my sober work would only really start when I got back to working and it is. Or maybe it is because I thought so. Don’t know. It’s here. 🙂 I feel I’m at step 1. And funny that I say so because in this contect that could also mean that I should realise the powerlessness and that is EXACTLY what this is about. I got the Hanged man from Tarot; let go of ego. Funny. Funny, Funny. Step 1: we admit that we are powerless. And down another slide I go into the rabbit hole… 😉

        Again, thank you for listening, thank you for commenting, thank you for the hug. Things are opening up here. 🙂 🙂 🙂

        ❤ <3, Feeling

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