Well, see header.
I’m happy that I quit. Being challenged in a new job and finding my path is way better than drinking and being depressed. On this side of The Decission it all sounds so simple. And I think the beauty of it is, is that it is. ‘Drugs are bad, mkay.’
I want: ooooooh, this is a tricky one, with writing this I notice I still want ‘the day to be over’ so I can relax. Which obviously means that I feel quite some pressure. So I need to see what that is about and how I can deal with that without running away.
I need: my brains on me and to relax and breath and trust.
I take: yogurt with muesli – and the 12 Schuessler pills which are actually milk sugar so I am not totally sugar free but I do feel the kilo’s melting off me and after a day or 4 of no sugar I started to feel like my brain is becoming more functional every day. Some of these 12 are meant to improve the take up of nutrients in the body so if that starts to work better I think I will have less craving and less ups and down and… well, wishful thinking but I am noticing improvements in the area where you do not want to be informed about in the early morning.
I fear: that I will not be able to finish the assignment for today. This is such a good addition to the list because is actually makes me look actively at what I fear. I think I start to notice that every day there is a fear that pops up and I cling to. Since I have work, it is work, if I have no work it is admin. Looks like live in fear constantly. This is not ‘feeling unsure’ it is ‘tightening of all my muscles having difficulty breathing normally’. I think the English word is anxiety but with a big whiff of fight-flight-freeze. I’m good in the freeze department. Funny how developmental issues slowly come to pop up in due time.
Have a nice day!