When I drank I used to feel omnipotent and drank the awkward feelings away. That was unreal.
Now I don’t drink anymore I am starting to recognise my strengths and weaknesses. I am not almighty anymore but it is real.
And it is an odd place to have a job interview from. But well, this is how it is. The sun is shining and I am happy that I quit. Jeeeez, that funny job interview would have rocked my boat earlier. Still working on letting it settle in a good way but I do think it is exactly what needed to happen. 🙂
I am happy that I quit because I am starting to feel peace in being me. Because when drinking I would have never met you in the sober blogosphere, never had to look for answers to my questions about life, never have had met the store man who seriously helps me with sorting out issues now. We speak on a weekly basis for about 4-5 hours on life, development and spirituality. It’s real good fun. 🙂 Talking about personal development and laughing about our own inability to actually walk our own spiritual talk is just very funny and relaxing and I guess healing. 🙂
I want: to sit in the sun and not worry.
I need: to send out 2 applications later in the day, hmmm, if I had done that yesterday when it was raining I could have gone out now. Hmmmm. Slowly, slowly, my ‘shoulds’ are starting to turn into smarter time management. There is still a lot of apprehension in me for doing stuff in general but the energy for starting things has actually come back with the seaweed I eat for the Iodine. And when I plan a walk on a day it actually happens at 14:00 hours now instead of just half an hour before the sun sets. 🙂 I go to bed earlier and wake up with the alarm clock every few days 15 minutes earlier. I am aiming for 7:30 tomorrow. And I guess not taking the beta blockers helps because the leaflet inside said they make you go tired and numb, fat, sleepless and lacking energy in general. Good pills Stupid trap I fell in. I am actually still angry at the doctor who prescribed them. Need to work on that because it somehow keeps parts of me from moving forward. Not sure how that works. 🙂 Another 12 step thing (working on resentment) that pops up naturally in the process of getting clear after having been addicted. I really think it is funny how that works – obviously the 12 steps are a ‘natural procedure’ that comes with getting clean and clear. I think I’ll do a post on that some day. But not now. Bright but still cold February sun is calling!
Hope you have a nice Sunday and enjoy being sober and/or clean. 🙂