Having trouble reading blogs

I have come to a point that I have trouble reading blogs, specifically the ones that are about feeling bad because people drank. I keep on trying to read them because, I mean, what are we here for if we only want the good news? But I can’t anymore. Not feeling very proud of my self but I just can’t. It makes me so sad. It also feels like that lesson has been learned (knock wood) and that I need to move on, need to spend time in the presence of that what I can’t do yet. Like organise myself. Not keep my head in the worry for others and myself.

My actions to stop my back pain and kidneys works during the night. Now I have a back pain that is twice as bad during the day and my tennis elbow is hurting badly. Ghegheghe, well, it is moving :-D.Β  Blood pressure felt sky high yesterday but dropped after drinking a liter of luke warm water mixed wit the juice of 1 orange and 1 lemon. So my blood pressure could be dehydration related. Let’s pay attention to that. Would be strange with drinking 3-4 liters of herb tea a day. Water seems to be hydrating more than tea. Strange, strange.

I got a horrible I-Tjing message in 3 lines last night indicating ‘hurt in the sacrum’ (check), holding the hips stillΒ  – that is what I do to not have back pain (check) and ‘poisoning the heart if I force it’. Come to read it I thought it was about my physical heart and now (of course?) I hope it is about my emotional heart. Not restrict my interest for the store man. Ghegheghe… twisting and turning, scratching and crawling. Or just choosing what is good for me. Don’t know. We shall see.

worryingI have been worrying about admin and fearing being broke. If I take of the worry I might as well start doing stuff. And now of course I hope it is the same for the store man. We shall see.

I want: everything to be simple

I need: to realise that everything being simple is not to happen and that it is starting point for disaster. Or I need to realise that my worry makes everything sad and impossible. Don’t know. I am going to take this FUCKING FRUSTRATING OPPORTUNITY to meditate on both options. I am happy AND FUCKING FRUSTRATED that I have come to a point where I can see that there are options. And I need sleep. I slept very well last night but I am guessing the tiredness is coming out now.

I am happy that I quit. I guess I am becoming tired of the work or realising that the work still continuous and now time is forcing me to act in areas I don’t want to go. Like VAT tax 2014. We shall see.

Hope you have a nice day. πŸ™‚

xx, Feeling

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8 thoughts on “Having trouble reading blogs

  1. I don’t think it’s so abnormal to be saddened by people who have chosen to drink again, for whatever reason. It’s okay to need to be inspired by other people who are succeeding, like you are. I’ve been TOO sad lately about a couple of people I’m missing here. Their absence has been making me want to avoid this space! That’s just ridiculous. For me, I think I need to examine what this means…is it a tendency to codependency? For me, probably. I can’t base my own sobriety on anyone else’s. Hopefully at some point, when I have a lot more sobriety, I can be supportive of anyone trying to get sober, no matter where they are on that path, and also let it go if they choose to leave the path.

    For what it’s worth, I’m also having trouble reading other blogs. But not for the same reason. I just don’t have the energy or the time, and I’m struggling to do it. I’m having to force myself to read what other people are writing. I want to, but I’m finding it takes a lot of energy. What’s up with that? I don’t like it. I’m interested…so what’s the deal? Hmmm…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi D,

      Thank you for your kind reply. Sorry to hear that you miss sober bloggers and that it brings you pain. I have that too, but not so much as to want to avoid the place, I keep looking to see if they are back. πŸ™‚ And maybe you could mail them?

      I know for me, specifically in the very, very beginning, that every reply counted, helped me. I guess that is why I feel I ow it to people to read blogs. Also I somehow find the blogosphere different since Christmas. Less blogs? Don’t know. Something feels like it has changed. Not bad, a little uncomfortable though: it feels like reality has peeped around the corner. I have no other words to describe it and no other words to add to it or link to an event or what. Maybe I am just projecting. Dunno. I even find I have to warn people about my own blog being boring – so they don’t, I don’t know, loose time in reading it. πŸ™‚ Silly, it is not like I am the one to decide but still. Pfffff.

      Also, it worries me, it is like going to AA and then not going to AA which I guess most probably means that things are going to go wrong. Well, just putting it out here so it does not fester within.

      I hope to hear from you when you worked out what the deal is. πŸ™‚ I’m not there yet, unless it is exactly what it is I said and I don’t want to accept that. πŸ˜€ Possible, possible ;-).

      xx, Feeling

      Liked by 1 person

      • I don’t know. I feel it has something to do with reality, possibly combined with solutions. Don’t know, just oracleing my way through this. Seeing if somebody reacts / has an answer. It is my experience that these things, these ‘motivations’ are common knowlegde in a group, with the difference that it is mainly not directly visible or people are not always aware of it. I feel it is about the (or a little) elephant in the blogroom. Maybe people had less time over Christmas, came back and thought: hmmm, not sure if I missed something, I’ll just stick to my usual group and be done.

        Does any of this ring true?

        Like

  2. I think things feel different because there are more new people. january is always a new start. I hope for success for everyone, because it has been such a good change for me. But, of course, that doesn’t happen.

    If it was that easy we wouldn’t need AAa and sober blogging. Lol.

    Sometimes i get frustrated at people and want to yell- don’t do it. You are making a mistake! But it is their learning process and i made a hell of a lot of mistakes of my own in the years up to Dec 1, 2013. I only have to look back at my files to see years of new years resolutions, diet plans, or rules that all have drink less at the top. It never worked for long.

    Feeling – i truly appreciate your voice and honesty here. Your journey is different than mine, but somehow similar. I think writing here helps you sort out your thoughts.

    I love to blog to post realizations that i have that “regular” people might shrink from. When i say in real like that i am happy and content people look at me funny. It meakse me sad that we need to act so fake, so i use this as a place to share my joy. Joy, struggles, etc. honestly.

    i am happy i quit. Life is so much better.

    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes! I am happy you quit too Anne!! ❀

      And yes, this blog is a good place to let the happy that I quit out, and the '@%&!!!" parts of it too and yes it does help me sort out my thoughts. Which is why it is important otherwise I would have drowned by now.

      I guess by now I am content with realising that things have changed over the holidays. It feels like it has for everybody and also in me and I need to walk my path.

      Thank you for bringing peace to my thoughts. I'm not sure anymore if I had an issue with blogging :-). And I have this overwhelming new insight right now: addiction to me is everything that I choose to pull me away from my center. This includes overthinking and even burning lush incense because the goal is to take me away from what is going on. And sometimes it is this blog, but most of the time this blog is an opening to feeling things and a way to log them. I still do not know what I need this for. It's not as if I have kids. Which finally, finally saddens me. Now, age 45. :-/ Well, that is one of the results of drinking and I will have to come to terms with that.

      I really feel now what addiction is in my body and where I attache it / it hooks on. Not only alcohol, a lot of things to pull me away from the real state of being. Wow :-). Is this thought or feeling by any chance something you are dealing with today or?

      xx, Feeling

      Like

  3. Feeling! I hope you will read my blog even though I think it may be one of those ones you’re describing… I would miss your comments if you weren’t there. You’re my shining light! Love Path xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Feeling!
    I am sorry your back hurts!
    I sometimes ask myself how much time do I want to take reading and writing blogs.
    I don’t know the answer yet.
    Right now, I have time, but if I ever get busy, I will have to drop back a little.
    I also hope I can help someone besides myself!
    Peace and Hugs!!

    Liked by 1 person

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