I have come to a point that I have trouble reading blogs, specifically the ones that are about feeling bad because people drank. I keep on trying to read them because, I mean, what are we here for if we only want the good news? But I can’t anymore. Not feeling very proud of my self but I just can’t. It makes me so sad. It also feels like that lesson has been learned (knock wood) and that I need to move on, need to spend time in the presence of that what I can’t do yet. Like organise myself. Not keep my head in the worry for others and myself.
My actions to stop my back pain and kidneys works during the night. Now I have a back pain that is twice as bad during the day and my tennis elbow is hurting badly. Ghegheghe, well, it is moving :-D. Blood pressure felt sky high yesterday but dropped after drinking a liter of luke warm water mixed wit the juice of 1 orange and 1 lemon. So my blood pressure could be dehydration related. Let’s pay attention to that. Would be strange with drinking 3-4 liters of herb tea a day. Water seems to be hydrating more than tea. Strange, strange.
I got a horrible I-Tjing message in 3 lines last night indicating ‘hurt in the sacrum’ (check), holding the hips still – that is what I do to not have back pain (check) and ‘poisoning the heart if I force it’. Come to read it I thought it was about my physical heart and now (of course?) I hope it is about my emotional heart. Not restrict my interest for the store man. Ghegheghe… twisting and turning, scratching and crawling. Or just choosing what is good for me. Don’t know. We shall see.
I want: everything to be simple
I need: to realise that everything being simple is not to happen and that it is starting point for disaster. Or I need to realise that my worry makes everything sad and impossible. Don’t know. I am going to take this FUCKING FRUSTRATING OPPORTUNITY to meditate on both options. I am happy AND FUCKING FRUSTRATED that I have come to a point where I can see that there are options. And I need sleep. I slept very well last night but I am guessing the tiredness is coming out now.
I am happy that I quit. I guess I am becoming tired of the work or realising that the work still continuous and now time is forcing me to act in areas I don’t want to go. Like VAT tax 2014. We shall see.
Hope you have a nice day. 🙂