And another boring post

Back pain improved by computering standing. Good. πŸ™‚ Trying to keep my tummy in all the time and tuck my tailbone under. It made me go to bed earlier too because I was tired. I do have a tiny sort of tennis arm because the new table is very cold and I had not adjusted the height correctly. Still learning to take care of myself in tiny things.

Went to the GP3 today to check up on my blood pressure. It came out 150 on the high scale, did not read the low scale. That is funny because I don’t feel it is that high. I can / could predict the readings of the machine within a range of 5 points up and down. I think I am on 130-135 so 140 should be max. The pain in my tennis arm suddenly spiked due to the pressure of the band, I guess that is what caused the high blood pressure. Well, anything, even temporary high blood pressure beats beta blockers so I’ll just continue with what I am doing; moving more, more outside time, Schuessler cell salts and we’ll see next week. Whatever, another boring post. Need to log this for I don’t know what reason. Can’t only log the good things eh? πŸ™‚

The ‘pull’ from the store man is slowing down on one side and I am really training myself to NOT check out Facebook on what he wrote in other people their timelines because that feels not good. I never liked that option, it feels like stalking. Not good.

Had a difficult time working through Hexagram 38 of the I-Tjing what seems to be my karma-life-whatever issue. The name of the hexagram is Duality. Funny enough that would fit the ‘all or nothing’ approach I have had all my life. And the dream I had about having given birth to myself. Searching through the corners of the interweb I found that people who are born into this hexagram are: seers and have a special ability to well, see things differently. Good. Gonna pay my tax bills now and set up my new blog.

Ha, I get into thisΒ  ‘whatever!’ (in the way teenagers can calling that out) mode when standing and blogging. Somehow standing is a mode of action, not a mode of thinking and contemplating. Funny. And that is the ‘I don’t give a shit’ type of funny. Ha, I’m getting all shallow with standing. See what that brings.

Happy that I quit. Frustrated over the store man. Scared about money getting tight.

I want: it to be all over and easy where I am fantastic, can not be hurt and life is simple, comfortable and nice.

I need: to take care of me because that mode described at ‘I want’ is not good. It is a dangerous one. It is about ease instead of truth and laying down instead of searching. And it is not something I currently have ‘deserved’ because it has been difficult. It is about wanting to go off the path because there is something to be learned that does not want to be learned. Let’s see what the future brings. πŸ™‚

I take: some salts on kidney stuff. And good food. It’s amazing, can’t even shop for nasty stuff with E-numbers anymore. Something in me dislikes it even though I am trying to want it. It is all funny because there is this voice calling ‘Boooooring…’ inside. (yes, again, in the way a teenager does that) It is not a nice voice, not the one to follow. It feels like my biological process is trying to force me to be irresponsible toward my sobriety and contact the store man. Well, he still has a book that I borrowed him. An expensive one that I don’t want to be parted with forever. But that is a difficult one on Bion so that will take him at least a months I guess, if he started right now. πŸ™‚ No matter. God I am worming, crawling and clawing myself out of this straightjacket that says: ‘he is not good for you now – maybe later.’ Jeeeez!

Hmm, I might as well go do something.

4 thoughts on “And another boring post

  1. πŸ™‚ I don’t know. I guess that is how the addictive personality views life. I call it the: ‘I want it all and I want it now!’ attitude in me.
    I have 2 views that I feel are connected but I am not sure yet. And haha, they don’t answer the question. πŸ˜€ But maybe the question is not the question you want or need to ask and maybe the answer you looked for is not the answer… That is life sometimes. (No I am not stoned πŸ˜€ – I just feel funny)
    1 Life is never going to be easy when we keep on expecting it to be difficult.
    2 Nature does not punish nor does it reward, nature knows consequences. I guess. I can be an outdoor cat and have the right attitude to hunt, the right body, the right focus, the right everything. But if it is a bad year for mice, mice are not going to come easy. And visa versa. I think part of the human condition is that we want more than our share of mice. So to say. And worry about it upfront and have difficulty accepting it when there are few mice. Maybe all we need to do is show gratitude for the mice we did eat and work harder, travel further when the mice are scarce. I don’t know. Knowing that cave men only had to work 3 days per week to build a sustainable living…. hmmm. What are we doing in this society? Taking no time to eat, bying it prefab and working it off in the gym whilst getting unhealty. I haven’t gone much further in this thinking but somehow I begin to suspect all of us are doing something not natural and illogical. And that a lot of us are ill and unhappy.
    My father was a communist (btw: does that word still have this aura of ‘criminal!!!’ to it?) and my mother into alternative medicine. Can you tell? πŸ˜€


  2. I think I am going to give myself a start date to do another good thing for myself.
    I’m 4.5 months AF.
    I exercise, but not everyday.
    I eat crappy food.
    But I’m happily married. (Counts for something?)
    I LOVE your last line…
    “I might as well go do something!!”
    I made the bed!!

    Liked by 1 person

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