Boring post on moving computer, backpain and standing.

I have been (not) dealing with lower back pain combined with pain in the left kidney area. I wondered / I guess it has to do with being seated to much and underdeveloped abs. On top of that I keep on running into this message that being seated all day kills you sooner than being obese. So I moved my computer to my standing table. And now I stand and type. Ha! I don’t think it will take long until it makes me decide to go do something useful with my life :-). And my posts will get shorter :-D.

The cat does not like it. She is always worried when I do something drastic. She sits in the corner looking at me and accusing me of doing things other than I always do. 🙂

What I wanted to note down for my blog is the following experience. When standing on two feet I get the impression that my left leg is way shorter than my right. I noticed this before, at age 30 something but now it comes back. Actually since I got sober I get this feeling so now and then. It feels really uncomfortable. Also, when I place my feet together more, at a 25 cm distance I start to feel really uncomfortable because it stretches some muscles or ligaments that are stiff. Yes, I have not been doing a lot of physical stuff over the last 3 years. For those of you that do yoga and can place their feet together for the sun salutation: that is almost impossible with my full inner thighs. I need to lift my tailbone in order to make room for everything, arching my back.* Now standing with a 0,5cm high book underneath my left leg. That seems to balance it out.

So when consciously standing behind the table I noticed the supposed difference in leg length and put a 1,5cm book (what else?) under my left foot and tried to stand straight up (tummy in, tailbone under). This caused disorientation, panick and heavy breathing and a shitload of tension in my loins and in. Strange. Guess there are some blocks there. Well, standing here and doing what I normally do, but standing, will give me plenty of opportunity to look into that.

And by now I am starting to think I am overly cautious with my life. A bit of a sissy. It bugs me. And it feels like I am not moving forward but that is not so. Every day I learn shitloads. But maybe I am not learning what I should be learning. No, that is not true. By now there is something developing as a sense for movement. A want to move. A natural want to move and move on. Travel to other pastures. That is good. Hmmm, here I guess it would have helped me when I would have been in a group therapy with others. So I could pull myself up by the speed of others. I noticed that I learn best from being around people that do and radiate what I need. So I need to be around working people more. Catch the vibe. Playfully moving into another mode, as life does and I guess is supposed to do. I feel apprehension. Not going to look at that.

I looked up learning to walk on YouTube. Love this vid. Love the place they made for the kid. DISLIKE the awful toys they have given him. I call it toys that will come to stimulate the addict in the child. Bright colours, funny noises when you push buttons – it is like tv, it gives temporary joy. It has nothing to do with developing skills and real experience or the natural exploration of the territory. I can ramble on about that for hours. Not going to. 🙂

Note on the kidneys: I woke up last night being absolutely thirsty and drank 3 glasses of water. Kidney pain was only minimal – so I do need to get more water in me. Maybe water really is something different from herb tea. Sigh, another one of those signs that I should go back to basic in my diet. Don’t want that. 😦 Can’t handle, giving up booze was a good thing but the energy of ‘quitting’ is depleted for a while now. I’ve put it all in quitting. So if I want to quit doing more I need to restock on quitting vibes. Not sure how to do that. I am guessing my body will force me like it does with my kidneys. Damn thing about learning experiences: can’t choose only the nice ones. Pffff, and I know that in the end working through the nasty ones will pay off in extra happiness but JEEEEEEZ! Is there no end to this? With the answer: Don’t wish too hard, it might come true. And ‘Live without growth is death.’ Not ready for that yet.

*Note to self: This explains a lot about the way elderly overweight women in my hometown walk; like a duck, chest forward, back arched, buttocks out, heavy thighs, looking like a warhorse, feet pointing outward. I am guessing I have become one of them. :-/

See, shorter post :-D.

6 thoughts on “Boring post on moving computer, backpain and standing.

  1. Yoga.

    Take the time to stand still on both feet every few hours. Those uneven muscles will stretch out. If you have a masseuse ask her to check your leg lengths.
    My left side is much tighter than my right. I guess it is where i held my tension and will take s ehile to resolve. After all, i was like that fir 43 years!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, I feel I am a big sissy in my life!
    It’s all I can do to put a book down afar reading it all day.
    I don’t have a cat to look at me, but my dear hubby looks at me the way your cat does!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Does he sniff derisively when you wistle high tones too? 😀
      If reading a book is what it takes it is what it takes. I find I need a lot of time to easily settle down in this new sober situation. Rushing to me feels dangerous.
      xx, Feeling


    • Did visit a doctor but the pain was gone. 😀 Which is good. The issue is not gone yet but things are changing. I’m not going to promise anything on the yoga but it is becoming ‘a possibility’ in my mind. Which gives more room than the usual ‘Naaah, don’t wanna….’ 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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