I told somebody

I told somebody that I quit drinking and that I had to. I did not use the word addicted. Who? The store man.

I have been in an emotional rollercoaster with the Schuessler salts and the Louise Hay book breaking open old wounds. Store man calms that down very much. Just by who he is. He shows me that I don’t have to react on impulse. Which is good and very important in my life. And… he actually pointed out something that I was not aware of when I said something not very constructive. No learning experience so good as meeting a guy you want to get to know. 😀 Pfffff….. my luck 😉

So, I came to pick up the second book yesterday and again we stayed in the shop till 3 hours after closing time to talk and drink tea. I told him before that I had gone trough a transformation where I had decided to start to take care of me. And then I told him that not drinking alcohol was a big part of that. He asked: ‘Did you like to drink a lot?’ And I replied: ‘I did not like it but I did drink a lot.’ And that was it. And I am still alive.

He is a special person. We speak about life and development. I do not want to have to hide stuff. After eons of feeling alone in this world I feel like I finally met somebody as alien as I am and getting to know him better and speak about life is good. It is difficult to meet people like me that feel their way through life like I do.

And then….. he triggers stuff that I really can’t use because he uses weed. Which is why I told him that I had to stop drinking. He uses 3 splifs a day in the evening. First time I saw him roll one I asked all about the what and how of making a joint when he did. I guess that explained that I don’t do weed. :-). Third time I met him 2 days later he apologised and asked if I mind if he had one.

I had just had a lesson in the nasty power issue stuff I do so I quickly checked what and where inside and realised: the person that got me to stop drinking was the person that did not judge me. So I said; ‘No.’ Also because I need to check out now what it does to me and when possible, to him. I did see ‘need’, as I used to think I ‘needed’ a beer. Through that I felt my own frequency of addiction trembling again. Earlier that evening he apologised, saying that I should not think he was addicted because he was only using for 2 years, and not a lot.

Sobriety first. I can not meet the store man if his ‘frequency of addiction’ gets mine started again. Am I in love? Not sure. A little I guess. I notice resistance within me and I can’t read the signs. I certainly don’t want to send signs other than like and friendship because I know about the 1 year rule. I think that is a very good rule. I have noticed how I got thrown around inside my body these last 3 days. Funny thing is: my normal physical reaction to a man of interest is not there. So I am a bit confused. Maybe he is really in the friendzone, maybe that is what is unfamiliar. Or maybe I am putting negativity and sadness between me and something beautiful again? I do not know. Let’s see. We are Facebook friends now and he asked me to drop by again and it was not usual courtesy. Let’s see.

Also, he is flat broke, living with his father and not eating kind of flat broke -apart from smoking weed- which…. Which all in all could just be a sign telling me: ‘No matter how much you develop yourself and your strange gifts, you need to get a move on because this is what happens if you do not. ;-)’

So far, I will read it as that and see how things develop. And I start cleaning now. 🙂 Yeah!!!

I am happy that I quit and have learned not to take it for granted because the frequency of addiction is still triggered easily and I got a fright from that. Now I realise that I do not have to follow impulses. Which…. hahaha, is what I learned from the store man by being in his presence and seeing how he spoke with other people.

I need: to get a move on.

I want: to move (NEW!!!)

I take: still the same Schuessler cell salts as I did and something homeopathic that might get rid of the scalloped tongue I have.

Have a nice sober day! Have a nice sober weekend! 🙂

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12 thoughts on “I told somebody

    • I am happy that these posts make you smile. 🙂 And thank you for that affirmation. Reading it from somebody else does make a difference. I think by now I should stop lying to myself and acknowledge that I want to free float here but I know I can’t manage. Shit. Well, he can wait. Not gonna get involved when he is using anyhow. No matter how much I like the alien aspect.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I really enjoyed this…it’s nice that you met someone you can connect with, period! My husband still gets high sometimes…I just requested that I not have to smell it, as that could be a trigger for me. It doesn’t usually bother me, but did the last time, and I told him how I saw it changing his behavior. Like you have decided to do with your new friend, I have decided that the best road to take is to not judge, not ask him to change, just observe, and when I feel it’s appropriate, say what I noticed, in a (hopefully) non judgmental way. He ended up having a couple of memory issues that were embarrassing to him last week, and then ended up drawing the conclusion himself that maybe he should smoke even less. So. 🙂

    I’m very happy you’re connecting with someone and that it’s a happy experience for you. It sounds like you can both be honest with each other and that’s the major main thing, right?

    ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, honesty. And I am guessing now that I should not ask for more than friendship and honesty because I am not sure if I can deal with more. Falling in love usually takes me right up to the edge of psychoses :-D, so…. I should take care. And yes! I am happy I met someone that with whom I have something in common. 🙂
      And I should be cleaning!

      Like

    • Yes! Anne, thank you. I need to hear that. 🙂

      And here goes the addict taking a walk with my resolutions…. ‘I don’t need to fix him but I can point him in the (my!) right direction.’

      And: ‘Specifically because he does not have his life in order we really match.’

      Pffff…. Ghegheghe. Life…. lust…..

      Friendzone max and leave before he smokes.

      Like

  2. You deserve to have a partner who possesses the qualities that you are looking for. Dont sell yourself short. You are worth more. Totally agree that he should be kept in the friend zone and only if he doesnt trigger your own gremlins. X (FYI I wish I could follow my own advice. I always seem to pick pissheads who wont ever change. I wonder why we do that?!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ghegheghe, my gremlins!!! Ghegheghe…

      Yes, thank you. 🙂 What I have noticed in sobriety is that I have changed AND the guys I meet have changed. Eventhough I still initially miss spell meet as meat; I have changed. 😀 I used to never meet any guy that was spirtual in any way or positive about women for that matter. Now I meet a lot of them. NEW!! On man and change:

      A woman marries a man, expecting he will change. He never will.

      A man marries a women, expecting she will never change but she does.

      How is that for a sexist internet quote? 😉

      I am not sure if I can stand withstand the call of the sirens – it has a strong addictive quality to it. It’s therapy time again. It is a funny thought but I am starting to feel that the Universe is testing my perseverance and dedication to my cause. Or at least: I feel tested. It is not nice. I have come to a stage of anger and frustration. Well, bedtime. Sleep solves a lot of stuff. 🙂 Have a nice weekend! 🙂

      Like

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