On feeling my way back into life and recognising discomfort, and a little on love.

I have been trying to feel my way through life, well, back into life after having lived destructively for years. And in the process I thought that good, positive feelings were the only thing to guide me. And I followed the good feelings. 🙂 And it has brought me where I am now, 4,5 months sober and LOVING IT MORE THAN I EVER LOVED A BEER.

So, just by following the good feelings I am where I am. However, I have quite some feelings that make me uncomfortable. And after having seen the video on fixing problems and procrastinating that somehow included the subject alcohol too – I got an entry in procrastinating. I feel I put the brake on things because there is so much shit happening that I can not deal with more. So when I let go of my guilt about that I realised that there is a shitload of discomfort in me and…. that I don’t listen to it. 😀

So next, I realised that listening to the nice stuff is not enough. If I want to heal I also need to listen to and act upon that what makes me feel uncomfortable. Like the A-word, that would be administration in my case… Brrrrrrrr…… 15 Days left to do a whole year of VAT admin. Which is totally manageable when I start on time.

Recognising that I have these feelings of discomfort gives a lot of room inside. I do not need to keep the lid on anymore. So haha, did I clean my house? No, I started to blog of course :-). I did plant my Amaryllis and arranged a new, way cheaper phone contract.

I am VERY HAPPY THAT I QUIT. Best decision in my life. Good work.

I want: still want things to be ‘over’ so I don’t have to do the difficult stuff. And I want to go outside because the sun is shining and I need to pick up another book.

I need: dunno? I am reacting so positively to these Schuessler cell salts, maybe I should take the one that says: ‘makes you get a move on, for those that procrastinate.’ :-D. I imagine that you fall of your chair by now because you are surprised in a explosive way because I have not taken that yet. It’s too soon. I need to round off the circle of the blood pressure. Go to the GP, get checked, hand in the rest of my medication and have a ritual celebration. That probably includes buying something :-).

The path is the destination. This video was the second thing on my path today. Since I watched it the cat follows me around through the house and stares at me and wants to be with me :-). Dna, or at least cell changing breakthroughs are being made here. I thought I would share it with you. It is about love, I call it universal love. It’s about what I had thought up/feeled up on how it work following Ayahuasca session. But he says it way nicer. Enjoy!