My present for day 100

I’ve got news. I woke up this morning and my internal voice said: You are a seer.

It rings true. Yep. And yep, it is totally useless for paying bills right now but it is good in a way. I finally know what I am. It sounds like a fucking lonely occupation outside society. How convenient. And nobody to contradict me. Even more convenient. πŸ˜‰

Having found this truth came with a very solid feeling of peace. And of course secondly I realised the uselessness of it when it comes to paying bills. Still putting sadness between me and the beautiful experience? Still, I am somehow happy I found it. Suddenly I know why things in life seems to always impact me more than others: I see differently, that’s why I feel differently. It has always been A Curse. Today it became (just?) Reality.

Did it happen out of the blue? Yes and no. Yesterday I finally, after 30 years (!!!!!) wrote down the visions that I have about the future that ‘ring true’. Every now and then I get this hunch, this idea that is planted in my head, or pops up, that has a great feeling of truth about it. Moments where I think; This is Important. Without fail these ideas will surface again as business concepts, as fashion, as interior designs, as pieces of art, as teachings in a suddenly popular book, as base for a new political party a few days, months or years later. So I guess I need to work out how much this feeling of ‘without fail’ is really true. Because it is possible that I lure myself into thinking I have this possibility while actually I might not. Well, the proof of the pudding is in the eating.

I once did an audition for a TV programme where I would get help to promote a business idea that I had. I did not get in and the people commented: ‘You should not be developing this specific idea, that is not where your strength is. You should be developing business concepts as a job because you have a gift for knowing what is to come.’ Soooooo, I know I have the magic, but how to become a paid coolhunter at age 44?

Other changes: thinking about the frequency of addiction has opened a whole new level of awareness.Β  Suddenly the way I conduct myself, the way I hide, the way I am not clear, all the mess in my house irritates me like crazy. Even the fact that I don’t edit my post, on which I used to pride myself (yes, sorry, ego speaking again) irritates me now: because it leaves me being unclear, it keeps me there where I do not decide.

And of course ‘things’ pop up. Today it was a small Facebook message through which I started to look for Jim Carrey and I found this:

My soul is not contained within the limits of my body. My body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul.

Jim Carrey grew up in a situation so miserable that he started to entertain his parents to keep them laughing and happy. Hearing this speech of him I am guessing he is very familiar with addiction.

I also now know why I don’t like blogging anymore: I need away time from the frequency of addiction. I need to find places where the causes and results of addiction are not present and learn from that. Live there. So if you found that I have not been present in the blog world (sorry for assuming one would even notice πŸ˜‰ ), it is because I need to be away for a while to learn to live outside of the issues that come with addiction.

Back to my calling. How will I put this into work? I don’t know yet. But as Jim Carrey says:

I learned you can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.

Which is how it is. I’m off to go do stuff. Find out if this is the omnipotence of the addict speaking, another way to keep me from doing what I do not want (admin!) or just truth.


8 thoughts on “My present for day 100

  1. That’s SO strange I just saw an Instagram picture with that Jim Carrey quote today!! It kind of stopped me in my tracks too 😊
    And congrats congrats congrats on day πŸ’―!!!! I hope you can really appreciate how amazing that is and what a strong woman you are!!!


  2. Congratulations on the big 100!!! This is so interesting to hear about your new focus- I’m sure somebody somewhere will pay you good money in return for the benefits of your insights- those people at the TV programme certainly thought so! Good luck with it all, hope youre not away for too long xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Anne. πŸ™‚ It is hard to believe, part of me thinks I went of in a psychose type of thing. And even if, what to do with it? And hahaha, if I am a seer I should know that. :-/ How to set me up for failing 101?

      I threw a I-tjing last night on my path. It referred to the 4th piece staying: the I-tjing path is the path. I take it that it means ‘Seeing is the path,’ Well. I guess if it it is will reveil itself in due time. Hope it turns into money before money ends :-D.


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