Earlier I did some posts on physical and psychological changes that I notice on my mission to become clear. The current physical changes are small but important, well, to me. Very exciting. Well, again, to me. I am happy about them :-).
– One that I am very happy about: the fluffy down like hairs that start at my ears and run to the middle of my cheeks are disappearing. Not sure if it is because of not drinking or because of taking kelp pills and therefore improving the workings of an important gland, forgot the name, and thus reducing the hairs.
– My sleeping improved big time when I quit drinking and then got a little worst and now with help of some herbal tea has greatly improved again. One night I actually slept without waking up once. It is AMAZING how much energy I had when waking up. Expressed in figures that is 3 times as much. No wonder I don’t get to do so much. By now I think that ‘Do you sleep well?’ should be the number 1 question of every doctor in this world.
– Since a day or two I can feel the area behind my shoulder blades starting to relax. Friends noticed that my posture has changed: ‘Huh? Have you grown taller since last week?’ 🙂 Guessing it is good. And… and… they mentioned: ‘You are opening up.’ 🙂 NEW!!!
– I have a extensive library with movies on DVD – yeah, showing my age… – but I don’t like them anymore. NEW!!! All these movies have this ‘quick fix’ quality to it. Guess it is time for a library and museum card.
– Long intro: A few days ago I went to a store opening from a friend of mine. I had expected that it was sort of private event because I got this one line mail ‘dropping by for a drink at 18:00 hours?’ invitation – which amongst the two of us is not unfriendly or impolite though it did work out to be a tiny bit impractical. I replied that I was going to drop by but that I did not drink anymore. I like doing that upfront so I don’t have to deal with their first reaction in real life.
We go way back so I went and thought: It is going to be as usual; crate of beer, bag of chips, have a drink and chat, see what the store is going to be like when it is finished. This time I don’t drink and I did not feel like bringing flowers or booze (obviously) so I fried up some eco chicken wings. I did think of dressing up nicely because I am hoping to find a job in this field so whatever the occasion, showing up in my old jeans was not going to do it. Thus I arrived with my greying hair al nice, fresh and curly, me polished, a little make-up (NEW!!!), a tiny bit of parfume (NEW!!), dress, boots… and yes, a box with fried chicken wings. 😀
The event worked out to be a party….. with loads of succesful people from the industry, a Italian buffet and I and my hidden box with chicken wings. I was a little flustered but all I had to do was breathe and remind myself of my newly discovered skills of centering, keeping the bad stuff out and wanting to really connect with people.
I did. I reminded myself that ‘they can drink but I don’t have to’, ‘I can leave whenever I want to’, straightened my back and smiled to make it appear that belonged and walked in. And yes, sorry for the posing, but this is business too. Went to say hi to the host and all of a sudden, I was in a conversation with a nice guy who was explaining about his therapy and personal growth path. Yes, you read that correctly: guy + personal growth path + speaking about it publicly. No, not gay. (Yes, prejudice.) The evening continued and I found out that the host was not drinking either because ‘there needs to be someone who is sober’. NEW!!!
This is a long long intro to the point in psychological change I am getting to. I met 3 guys that separately from each other told me that they had stepped down in ambition and started working for themselves so they can manage their own hours because they have an ambitious wife. They decided to not do the race to the top but just open their own toko to create some rest in their life, take care of the kids and allow their partner to do their racing.
What is new? NEW!! Is that I normally only meet man who are very demeaning towards women and say things like ‘Pffff, my wife thinks that she has something to say about her yoga classes. Well, not on my evening out.’ Or ‘I wanted to go to Asia but my wife was moaning about the long trip and the children but hey, I am paying so we went.’
And during one of the fun and serious conversation we had, one of the above men actually teared up over something I said that he thought was very beautiful. NEW!! New that I meet men that can listen and be touched by what is going on. Yes I make this about me, not about him. 😀
Thirdly new: we spoke about the an experience where I discovered that I put grieve between me and all things happening in my world. So no matter what is going on I only tend to see the bad stuff happening. The conversation continued and half an hour later one of the guys replies to a sentence of mine: ‘This is where you are putting grieve between you and a good experience.’ He was right. I was. And this is so NEW!!! No, not that he was right…. (well, a little..) but that I (yes I make this is about me again…) meet people (MEN! Yes, sorry…. Well, sorry-ish) who really listen and without wanting to outsmart me, relate back to what I exposed of myself. NEW!!!
By now you might be wondering: Were there women too? Yes, there were a few but they were all 15-20 years younger, drinking and looking ready to adore the handsome men that were there. Of whom a few were drinking and longing to be adored. So no, I did not speak with the girls. That would be really, really new. 🙂 They were all drinking like crazy, is that a good excuse?
What else was new? I could handle myself without drinking no problem. I have never really experienced that as a problem but I notice now events like these are way better without the booze. NEW!!! But also thanks to Debra Fine, the author of one of my favorite books: ‘The fine art of small talk’ who/that has tought me a lot in this. Read it online in a pdf form or better: buy it. The title is a bit off; it is not about gossipy small talk, it is about conversations, how to start and maintain them and all the social insecurities that may go with it and how to counter these. Really a good book for the sober tool box.
I left the party when an old friend (one of those that I slowly let go) turned to the serious drinking and I did not want to be in his line of sight when he would look up from his glass.
I did eat chicken wings for breakfast, lunch and diner the next day. 🙂
I am happy that I quit but back to the ‘why does it take so much energy’ because it does take a lot of energy and I need to re-adjust now I can’t zoom out with a movie anymore because my taste in movies has changed. But! New books comming on Monday. And maybe it is time to start visiting AA. (Did I really say that?)