Secrets, secrets

In the series: how is addiction still affecting your life? Episode 12: When I started blogging there I deleted the part where you as a reader can see where I leave comments for other people. I did that because I was ashamed that I was / am online so much.

After reading Goodbye Vodka’s post of today I realised that, with that, I do exactly the same as I did when drinking: not picking up the phone and no Facebook after 2 beers. Hiding because I am ashamed. So I’ve put it back as an experiment. I feel now that I can not make promises here because I do not trust myself in this and I don’t want to have to force me into something I can’t hold on to.

Or is that stupid? Don’t know yet. I need to temper my online time, and I am doing that. Hey! I actually wrote a letter of application this morning! But now I sound like this kid that is trying to make sure he does not have a problem.

Well. Let’s see. And jeeeeeez, this feels awkward and vulnerable.

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8 thoughts on “Secrets, secrets

  1. Hang in there. You are doing great. Baby steps. You have this! You know how when you go and sit on the couch or chair? You trust that that couch or chair will hold you, correct? Begin to see yourself as that couch or chair and learn to trust yourself. We have an internal compass and that compass is your inner you. If it’s signaling that you are online too much, let it lead you. It’s probably wanting you to notice something else. Keep us posted when you come back online. My internal compass told me not to sit on the couch because I get stuck there so I set up my laptop by the kitchen counter and sit on the island and once I am done reading sober blogs and commenting and writing myself, I get up and do the next productive thing. I am cheering for you!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Great you wrote that application! Don’t be ashamed of being online too much… I used WordPress on my phone so if I’m awake (even at work) I get notified of new comments and can reply instantly. Remember that blogging is a good habit 🙂

    Like

    • Blogging is good, building a timeline, being aware of what’s going on, getting stuff of my chest… it is all good. Being inspired and supported by others is good! Liking that is good :-).

      But swapping ‘not living because of the drinking to not living because of the blogging’ is not good. I am not on my path yet. Maybe the tea label of my next post was indeed for me and not for Path.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Maybe. Personally I’m not too worried about a path yet, just staying sober and gradually taking my life back… One step at a time out of the fog, until a path finds me. Start some other good habits as well, then you won’t feel guilty about your blogging all the time.

    Liked by 3 people

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