Sober legs

After my revelation of yesterday I woke up this morning and the connection between my hipbone and legs seems to have come loose. Not really of course… well, guess you knew that… πŸ˜€ Just inside and my tendons and muscles want to keep holding on like crazy.

Or in other words, maybe I am starting to realise how much tension I hold on to in that area. They say in yoga that relaxing the muscles of the jaw relaxes the muscles of the hips. Guess that is happening with the singing of yesterday. Well, something is happening.

I am tired, very tired today. Need to do stuff but my brain is running like crazy – not going anywhere. Might as well do stuff I do not enjoy anyway. No harm done there.

Had a dream, something on a very strict regime and a friend of my getting into prison over nothing and then there was ‘national open prison day’ or something where prisoners were allowed out and visiters allowed in. I had a sneakpeak in, nasty, cold and wet building with waaaaaaay too little books and not enough board games. I decided NOT to steal a pair of rubber boots (What’s with the stealing in my dreams lately?) and then took off with my friends. In between we got separated but we actually found eachother again. NEW!! In my old dreams they would have taken off and left me in prison and to continue on that thought; the guards would probably not have understood that I was not a prisoner and locked me up.Β  So NEW.

The prison was in the ground at a beach and there was a tremendous storm going on.Β Hence the rubber boots. Waves of 3-4 meters high and red bus-boats having difficulty to reach the shore. We were going to take off over sea but I figured it was not safe. That is when I did loose my friends because they had to go in order to escape prison. But that was ok.

Now I would like to be able to explain dreams better. For instance; what’s with the stealing? Water seems to represent my emotional state: big waves crashing down, well; check! πŸ˜‰ For now I am just happy with the lack of leaving behind, locking up and being lost. πŸ™‚ NEW.

I am happy that I quit. I am happy with all the discoveries and yesterdays revelation. Not so happy with finding out that I am this anti-social, rude person. But happy in a sort of ‘obliged way’ that I did find that out. Doing something about it still feels a step too far. :-/ And so life goes on.

4 thoughts on “Sober legs

  1. I love that you are curious about your dreams. In my first few months I found my dreams to be so vivid and wildly imaginative, but then again, I also found my waking mind to be the same. πŸ™‚ Lots and lots of clear head space for thinking I guess.
    The over-tiredness was a part of it too. Your body is healing and reconnecting with itself. There is a lot of hard physical work going on while your body is repairing itself. Drink lots of water and rest when you can. It is all par for the course.
    About the dream, if I may, certain questions arise:
    1) Do you think you see Sobriety as a prison; as depriving yourself of alcohol?
    2) The stealing. Is there any part of you that wonders if you deserve all of the amazing things that have been happening since you’ve quit? (You do, by the way, deserve all the happiness and joy sobriety brings.)
    3) This is not so much a questions as an observation: I think it’s wonderful that your dreams are changing. They have NEW outcomes, as you put it. πŸ™‚
    I apologize if my questions stir up any unwanted feelings. I too am fascinated with dreams and my questions come from a place of exploration and not judgment dear one.
    Love and light!


    • Hi Phoenix πŸ™‚

      No unwanted feelings got stirred up. πŸ™‚ Thank you for your questions. Actually I think of drinking a prison I have put myself in and now I am free. But the funny thing is that I can not go back to check if the dream still makes sense then. The ‘waaaaaaay to little books does’ because I sort of read my way to sobriety and freedom.
      If anything I feel I don’t deserve to live of my mothers inheritance. I feel so ashamed about that. That feels like it could be related. 😦 I am happy, very happy in an immensely sad way that I can do this without having to worry about work immediately. My only boots association is: ‘these boots are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do, one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.’ Maybe, maybe my dream already picked up on me realising that I can be heard and seen and that I don’t have to walk over people in order to be heard and seen. That would be cool. There’s a piece of character that needs changing. 😦 Yes, that is judging, nothing new there, work in progress.
      xx Feeling

      Liked by 1 person

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