Additional physical and mental changes

I did posts on the physical and mental changes of sobriety before, then added and added a little more in an other post Β and here are again some additions.

PHYSICAL

– My saliva has changed. Not sure if you care to know…. true, true. But I am going to note it down and digress… My saliva used to be rather thick and leave a white film on my tongue and in the morning I would not even swallow but have a shower and spit and clear my throat. Yes, yes, this could be put in my CV when I apply for docker. Now it has changed to what I, well, can’t recall actually, but is has gone back to normal (magic, magic word). It is thin and feels healthy. Not sure how that happened but I would not be afraid to kiss in the morning and the cat is not stearing away from me anymore either.

Did I tell you I changed to fluor free toothpaste? Fluor is bad, toxic, look it up and it seems to block out our intuition. Can’t have that! So I got the salty, fluor free sort. I do need to rinse very thoroughly afterwards otherwise I think the residue dries out my tongue over night. But maybe that is just a leftover of years of drinking.

My tongue still has the indents and it still scares me but tomorrow I will FINALLY get together with the nutrition friend on this.

– I am still slowly losing weight, I do not pay attention to it anymore because all the paying attention to everything worked out a bit too stressful. But tomorrow I will speak with the nutritionist and see where we go.

– I would like to improve the function of my bowels first. I feel they have been hurt by years of alcohol abuse. (If you are not into dirty details now is the time to skip to the next paragraph, no, the one after that actually.) I still have diarrhea practically every day. Not good. I am afraid it lessens the ability to take up nutrients.

It is not so bad that it bothers me in my movements or is embarrassing but it is there. I think my bowels are still irritated and want to throw everything out. But it could also be that I drink too much tea, or the wrong herbs, or because of cold feet, or that I am allergic to something or should not eat ginger or, don’t know. I would really appreciate if somebody who knows how this should work and when, could comment on this. Is it going to change in time?

– My ability to focus is still improving, I noticed that because peeing takes twice as long (at the same speed). It is now 3 times as long. Did you want to know that? Not?

– I still have a big ‘dislike’ (?) against physical labour but when I do it, it is really nice.

– My hair is feeling better, less dry, less damaged. I have about 4-5cm of gray now. I quit dying when I decided I wanted become clear, quit drinking and do that by myself. IMMEDIATELY the urge to dye my hair left me. πŸ™‚

MENTAL

– Unlike you might think from my posts that go up and down like a rollercoaster I do feel that there is something stabilizing. And I do guess that my idea of ‘normal’ has a way higher level of excitement than most people.

– A while ago I thought I could start working again, right now. But by now I know I really need to take it easy. Situations like meeting ‘the elderly blond god’ catch me off guard and make me realise that I am too extreme still in my emotions to be doing a lot of other things than practising my sober legs.

– I noticed a while ago that I have these ‘stories’ in my head. They are either very bad and this and that and everything bad will happen – or they are fairytale like and I am a Cinderella or succesful business manager or…. Well, the Cinderella in recovery, but everything will be all right in a sec. I got the impression that this is part of addictive thinking and paid more attention to it and found them not functional. Funny how these stories too, lose their attraction with thinking ‘well, I am not there yet.’ and ‘we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.’ Those are my variations on ‘one day at the time.’

– I sleep even better. I still wake up about 3 times at night but I turn over and continue sleeping. Some times I don’t even notice that the cat works makes her nest on top of me.

– My dreams are boring, boring, boring, that is a bit of a bummer because when getting sober I thought I was going to have beautiful dreams and all (would be ok, blablabla, Cinderella).

– I like myself better. πŸ™‚ And I have found a handle somewhere when it comes to berating and punishing myself mentally. I found that it NEVER EVER gets me to do the stuff that I need to do. Saying: ‘You can do it, just give it a try.’ works 10 times better than ‘stupid b. get your lazy fat ass away from the computer and do your admin!’ Not there yet because I still use the change in voice to get me to do what I think I need to do and I still, somehow, feel that I should be punished for not being what I was supposed to be. There is a thought I need to look into. Not now. Done too much soul-searching lately, getting out of balance. Cleaning the house is good.

Maybe there is a hint of general shame here too that says that it is ‘not done’ to like yourself. Specifically not if you are failing as a human. I actually just deleted 3 sentences about why I like me. Again: I like me because I think I am funny. My head comes up with all these funny, weird thoughts that give all kinds of insights into matters from different angles and make me laugh and that helps with nasty shit :-). I do claim the right to laugh at my own jokes. That is not working yet, but I think it should be a right. Like being ugly. Also not very accepted. Not that I am ugly. G! Can’t let it go, still need to add that. πŸ™‚

And now I need to start doing stuff because friends are coming over for diner tonight and the house needs cleaning badly. πŸ™‚

Funny, I think writing is not doing stuff. While it helps me BIG TIME in becoming clear. Hmmm.

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23 thoughts on “Additional physical and mental changes

    • Dear Robert,

      Thank you! It is! But somehow I feel like I am ‘not doing stuff’. Maybe because I know I should be doing the Real Life thing more. Not sure. Need to think about it.

      And, by the way, that IS a nice way to deflect my stool question ;-).

      Or maybe I should not be practising jokes in a sober blog… πŸ˜€ / 😦

      xx, Feeling.

      Liked by 1 person

      • 😦 Nasty. And how do you take your probiotics? I am a bit against sugary yoghurt with probiotics, that’s why I never bothered to look into it. And yes, sugar would be waaaaaay more dangerous than alcohol, the hypocracy of the alcoholic…. πŸ˜€ / 😦

        Liked by 1 person

      • You can buy them in capsule form at most health food places. The good brands need to be refrigerated.

        Yeah, you can get them in yogurt too…but I’m not a huge yogurt fan!

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      • Cool, thank you! That saves me a lot of internet searches and reading and testing. :-). I am getting a little tired of doing stuff on my own. It is generally how I ‘roll’ and what I am good at but maybe, maybe that is exactly what makes it difficult. :-/

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      • Gheghegheghe. Funny. Or not. Not sure if it is polite to laugh, or exactly not. The things we tell ourselves.

        I do find that sugar influences me big time but I still have not found a balanced diet that gives me enough slow sugars and again not too much so I get sugar/food cravings that I tend to want to solve with alcohol.

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      • I agree. I also have a tough time finding a balance.
        My zero sugar diet included no fruit and no starchy vegetables. I have added those back in and I feel much better. Mostly berries and some potatoes.

        I do have a liking for cheesecake. And it helps me with cravings, so I eat it as necessary.

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      • Ghegheghe, eat cheesecake as neccessary. I like that. πŸ™‚

        I did the no fruit one before I got bad with alcohol. Now I do the little fruit but still muesli with few raisins. I need to get that 10 day book but have not finished my Valli book.

        Thanks for you help.

        xx, Feeling

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  1. You should definitely keep up the jokes. You are funny – I loved the docker joke! And Cinderella in recovery πŸ™‚
    Hope you enjoy dinner with your friends πŸ™‚

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  2. Great news (mostly). I’ve always had bad guts, but quitting drinking has made a huge difference. The doctor said I have to stay sober because I developed stomach ulcers (at 28!). Anyway, I should talk about healthy diet, but what also helps is these capsules of Probiotics that are packed with soluble fibre also. No diarrea or constipation. One a day is enough for me and seems to be helping my stomach too. Google it. Vegetables are your friend too.

    It’s great reading the positive changes you’ve had, I’m looking forward to mine!

    Like

    • Hi Nonotesnotes,

      Thank you for your reply! πŸ™‚ And happy that you quit also! Just in case you get bored again after throwing away your key, I have a dovideovideo for you. At 28:18 she starts saying stuff about ulcers. Barbara O’Neill says a lot of good things on health, although I do not think the video’s are up to date on the alkaline-acid balance. Well this one on water, salt and ulcers to me all sounds very logical but have a peek, see if it connects to your story.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Good, I’m happy for you. I found, when walking about in my Little House on the Prairy outfit (nooooo!) that there are few, well no, social gatherings that get better with drinking. It all gets so unreal and stupid. Then again, the drinking I did was on my own, had nothing to do with social so maybe that is easy to say because I do not have to break a ‘tradition’.

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  3. I just found you, so I don’t know how much you’ve already had tested, but leaky gut is a pretty common result of the candida overgrowth alcoholics often have, and should resolve eventually if you are eating healthier and not drinking — if that’s what’s wrong. Also, have you had your liver tested?

    Like

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