Whether we think we can or we think we can’t, we’re right.
I have been hating admin ever since I started drinking seriously. Procrastinating and procrastinating and not really working stuff out and comparing costs but just going with the first option available. One of these days I have to do a big admin job and it freezes me. And makes me think I should reward myself with drinking.
Today’s post from Bea from Taking a new path made me realise that I had not even looked at dealing with my fears and admin freeze. I just need to change the way I deal with it. Like booze, I never thought I could quit. It worked out I could when I set myself to it. Filing a little paperwork is not going to undo me. Duh?! What have I been thinking all these years?!
Well, I still need to do it but I’m happy I am not scared shitless anymore. 🙂 Yeah! And maybe, maybe, not everything needs a reward. And maybe, maybe, rewards don’t always have to come in the way that I make myself ‘not alive’ or ‘block myself out’ somehow. This reward pattern, I never looked at it while it is the center of addiction. Maybe, maybe my thoughts and concepts of rewards need looking into. But that’s another day. Can’t undo the admin freeze and consider the reward thing at the same day.
Happy that I quit, still not 100% aligned with the thought that it is not only about quitting drinking. It is also about living again. And not only living parts that I like but also the parts that I don’t like. Yeah well, need to start something somewhere if I don’t want to reincarnate my next life as a bit of grass. 🙂