I did a post on physical and mental changes before, and thought it would be a good thing to add everything in there when time proceeds, but I feel it becomes a mess. So here’s another post on the subject. End of this week I am 2 months sober.
PHYSICAL 6 weeks:
My hands do not shake anymore and my A4 paper test is clean. (Pick up a piece of paper, hold it in one hand and see if the point shakes or trembles)
My skin has become even softer, I have lost 5 kilo’s but also gained 2 because I changed my diet to eating 4 times a day while I did not change the portions. Yes, smart…. And with the softening of my body that used to be so tense that even the skin was tense, in my new relaxation my boobs sag :-(. Well, so be it.
My muscle’s seem to build quickly as they used to before I started drinking heavily.
I crave protein but that’s ok I guess. And sometimes the sugar cravings are really bad. Last week I binged on 3 cookies which is very abnormal behaviour for me. Not sure how to continue on this.
My sense of smell seems to be getting better. I never knew that could be impaired with drinking.
I am less in need of drinking tea all the time.
I am still worried about my scalloped tongue and continuous diarrhea. (yeah, sorry for mentioning). Going to see my GP on that because a scalloped tongue is a sign of not picking up nutrients. diarrhea might cause that.
I am able to focus better. How did I notice? When I go to the toilet I can sit peeing for ages because I was obviously too fascinated to go sooner.
Also I don’t get thrown about the room so much anymore by my feelings. I am guessing that ranting here actually helps to let them out. And I am less scared that they take me places where I can’t hold on to my sanity or sobriety. I actually enjoy looking at the darker parts of my inner realm now. Like the post of yesterday. Still thinking that the cure is always there where I don’t want to go. It’s a little bit difficult to navigate but so far it has brought me good stuff to be aware of where I don’t ‘want to go’ or ‘what I am scared of’ or ‘what I try to ignore’.
Sleep is getting worse again. Not sure why. Could be the sugar, or not. Don’t know. I fall asleep ok and then wake up 5 or 6 times. I do fall asleep again within a minute but still. I just want to sleep.
Still procrastination. Still having difficulty being on time for appointments.
I am not worried about my memory so much anymore, I played memory with a friend and lost once and won once. I noticed that most of the cards only took 1 or 2 tries in finding its partner. If you like memory too, try the twins memory game. It is really sweet. And difficult! And there is a second set so you can extend after a while.
Starting to feel that I can and need to get out into the world again in order to make money. I feared that trust would never return. So I’m quickly going to the sauna to sabotage this work feeling. Yes, true. No matter the crazy, that like yesterday, still has it’s place in my life, I am starting to feel like I used to before drinking. The word would be ‘able’ in stead of ‘unable’.
Also I am starting to feel that I am not dependent on blogging anymore to keep me sane and on track. I can step away, like last week, for a few days and live through that. It is just a feeling of possibility, not practising it yet. No need.
I discovered what people seem to call ‘the fanatic in the attic’ in me. Trying to sort out how that works. It is going to be a thing because that has always been the case. It has to do with feeling secure.
On feeling secure in my sobriety. I think I’m doing fine. Apart from not working but by now I do have the idea that I am able to do that. That has been missing before. But I also know that it is an addiction and past performance does not guarantee future results. So I need to keep on feeling my way back into life. Did a big step yesterday. Yes, that would be the crazy post on being human.
I spontaneously started making my bed in the morning. Duh?! And I clean it more often than I ever did.
All of a sudden I have lost my apatite for tomatoes, bell peppers, peppers and egg plants, which are vegetables that I craved when drinking. Very strange.