The day continues – no plan so far

The day continued. I am back to normal. Not depressed, not suicidal, just a little tired and still awed by what happened last night. And yes, blaming me because I should have known better. But actually, it has been a gift, and as gifts come they are always two-sided.

I continued with poisoning myself with raw shiitakes so I spent a few hours hugging the toilet. Did anybody know you should not eat shiitakes raw, as in raw up to not thoroughly cooked as I did? Had a nice noodle soup with green beans, been sprouts, pork and…. undercooked shiitakes.

This is my 4th or 5th encounter with nature in 3 years where I get physical, temporary, damage from thing other people can just stomach. Doctor Joan Mathews Larson says that alcohol damages the body in such a way that it can not deal with any other poisons anymore and alcoholics become very sensitive to everything. This might be why the anesthetic of my dentist took 2 days to leave my body and it took 2 weeks to fully get my feel back in my cheek. Dangerous. And yes I am being hypocritical now. Worrying about details while drugging myself for years with alcohol. But I need to start somewhere with taking care of me.

About The Plan to organise my life. It is there in a draft version. I just (just?) have not put it to work yet. I am only trying to get the sleeping and eating right but even these get mixed up. I must use this blog to its fullest so from now on I will write why The Plan did HAAAAAHAHAAAHAA… see that? This sentence was going to be; I will write why The Plan did not happen. Ghegheghe. I think I know why The Plan is not happening. Somebody is procrastinating and dodging it…. Who might that be? :-/

Ok. Today it did not work because I woke up on the middle of the night with a panic attack / depression that needed attention. I had to get up and at least get the idea that I was not alone in this. Writing helps to maintain that fantasy. That is ok.

So then I ate at 9:00 something and went to bed again because I was tired. Well all in all, the only thing I can do right is eat well (done) and go to bed before 23:30 today.

Sort of happy that I quit, still shaken from last night. And the shiitake party in my belly was no fun either. I thought quitting would be about cravings and personal history, dealing with that and getting spiritual but it actually looks a great deal like normal life.  Not very proud anymore, disappointment about me and The Plan is creeping in. Time to take action. Tomorrow….

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8 thoughts on “The day continues – no plan so far

    • Thank you! 🙂 Feeling better now. Up to now I have just been ‘monitoring’ my behaviour and hoped I would organically get into line as I ‘organically’ enjoy meeting people more and make more appointments. But The Plan needs indeed a little more things like ‘resolve’ and ‘action’ and all those other skills that I have drowned in booze. Let’s see… 🙂

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  1. Oh, resolve and action…!! Where art thou? I know how you feel, and I’m considering making A Plan for myself. I’ve eaten so badly lately and I can tell it influences my mood and energy so much more than when I was drinking. Or maybe it’s just that I notice a lot more.
    Carrot cake and mushrooms aside, you seem really in tune with your body and you know tons about nutrition. Which is a much better starting point than where I am!! But don’t be too hard on yourself – Rome wasn’t built in a day 🙂

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    • Thank you for your reply. 🙂 I guess it is about time that I took that some advice on the ‘building Rome in a day’ – it must be the 20th time I heard that in my life….
      I’m trying to tune into my body, feeling my way back into life, I need to because I have this funny body that reacts different and I am rather hypochondriac but my body just plays along so I really need to sort out what is what. Otherwise I would be in hospital half of the year looking for sources of whatever pops up now. 😀 And studying stuff on nutrition and seeing how it effects me is part of that. And I found that good food and vitamins and minerals can really help me (anybody?) with not having cravings, not being depressed and not being axious or even suicidal as I noticed last night. 😦 So I am trying to find my way in this jungle of info but there are a few doctors that have worked it out when it comes to alcohol. I mentioned ‘7 weeks to sobriety’ before but there are more on amazon.com.
      Thank you for dropping by and leaving a note. 🙂

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  2. ‘I had to get up and at least get the idea that I was not alone in this. Writing helps to maintain that fantasy’ You are not alone in this – we are real, not fantasy 🙂

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    • Sorry. 😦 I did not want diss you or anybody for that matter. And my reason is not going to sound any better: I have a difficult time trusting others and depending on others. I think it will take a while. And in the meantime I should not be saying stupid things to alienate people. 😦 That’s not in the plan yet… :-/

      Dear Lucy, thank you for being here and for reminding me that you are. 🙂 xx feeling

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