The concept of ‘enough’.

This morning the foundling has gone to his new home at some neighbours of mine. They are VERY happy with him and I want him to stay near. By now I actually hope that the original owners do not turn up anymore. That’s what little cat foundlings do; walk straight into my heart and settle there. I cried. And I found out that my real bad drinking actually started after having to say goodbye to the kittens of the nest of my cat. So I shall have to take care to do a better job this time around.

My date for today cancelled so I went to a Sunday food market today instead; tens of stands with smoked fish, pies, vegetables, cheeses, all kinds of Chinese, Thai and otherworldly stuff for sale. 3 Years ago I went and I ate till I don’t know, till I had to undo my button I guess. I had a hangover then from the day before and I would not have gone if I had not made an appointment with a friend.

Today I enjoyed the wonderful fall sun and all the people walking about lazily. There is nothing that says ‘contentment’ so well like a sunny afternoon in early fall and the wind whispering through the leaves ever so now and then.

Today I enjoyed being out, having made the decision to go, I walked instead of biked, enjoying the weather even more. And slowly, very slowly I find that there is something like a concept of ‘enough’ developing in me. I bought a pie and it was wonderful, but I noticed that 4 bites less would have been ok too. NEW! For drinks I tried a fresh coconut. Wonderful, seems to be very nutritious, even so that it can replace mother milk for babies. And here as well: I could have done with less. NEW! There were wonderful mushrooms on sale for very little. I only bought 2 packages. A little more than a month ago I would have tried al 10 of them.

I have come to the place where I forget that I have quit drinking. It has become normal not to drink. I do not dislike going out of the house anymore because of all the reminders of alcohol in the streets. It is non of my business anymore, like smoking, cola or sugar. But… there was a sign asking ‘would you like to try our new beer?’ My first reaction was ‘well…’ And then remembered that I had quit. Ghegheghe. I took a good look around at those that were tasting it, really sucked in the dirty drunken atmosphere, felt what it brought and thought: No, I don’t want what you bring.’ A little more than one month ago I would have been standing there trying to hide my wanting.

Happy that I quit. Starting to be less proud, possibly because the fact is settling in or maybe because I am still not doing The Plan. Happy with being able to feel, recognise and partially orchestrate the positive changes that are in my life. It is new. I like it.

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