Day after normal day 3

Went to bed at 1:something last night. I just can’t wind down when I’m socialising till late, can’t sleep. Or, maybe I have the feeling I can’t sleep, never tried to go to sleep, would always drink till I could sleep. This ‘frenzy’ in my head is something that I, at the moment see as the biggest danger for me for relapse. Don’t know where it comes from. Breathing deeply changes it to normal tiredness. Which could mean it is some sort of lack of oxigen or surplus in carbondioxide. Or that breathing deeply is a relaxation technique that helps me focus on the here and now. Let’s find out.

Did my online free anti-alchol training. Have done it 8 or 10 times by now. It’s a little boring. They keep on showing the same photo’s of alcoholic and softdrinks and I need to push the right button. But then again, drinking every night again, and again, and again is not really exciting either. Might as well put some time in it since they promise wonderful results. And indeed, after the umpteenth photo of a glas of beer I get this dunno, bored feeling. They say the technique desensitizes. I guess that is a fancy word for ‘boredom’.

I’ve got one of these hickups again, something is out there waiting for me to understand and learn to manage and I’m going ‘Nooooooooooo!!!!’ What is it? I think it is organisation of the daily tasks. Yesterday and the day before I realised how rewarding it was to eat and sleep at the right (pre-set) times. And now I feel like it has been soooo exhausting, ‘I really do need a reward’. I want to sleep. Apart from that I do need to sleep because my head is spinning, I do need to realise that this simple level of organisation is a very important step if I want to deal with the hypoglemic part of the food and alcohol cravings. Pfffffffff… IdontwanttogothereiwanttosleepIdontwantittobedifficult. IwanttobeabletodowhatIdid whenIwas19butbetternowandwithoutthedrinkingandIdontwantittobedifficult.

Aaah, I do not believe I can organise my life, that is half of the energy. Going to sleep now.

And woke up 3 hours later. Got some extra flyers out in the neighbourhood for the kitten. Still tired. Must be starting to hybernate already. To bed early.

Happy that I quit. A little too tired to be proud.

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4 thoughts on “Day after normal day 3

    • Hi Lucy,

      Yes, this is the home page. http://www.impliciet.eu/ but everything is in Dutch. I know I promised to translate but behind the first 3 pages are 20 pages of questions that need real carefull translating otherwise you would answer questions wrong. On the other hand, it does not matter if you answer them ‘wrong’ because you get the training anyhow. The questions are on ‘how do you feel’ and ‘what have you used’. You can make up an account and just ‘continue’ and ‘next’ it till you get to the training. If you then, or later mail them how you approached it you also make sure you do not ‘skew’ their data. Enjoy, and please PM me if you are looking for other than Google translations. [myname}@google.com.

      Like

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