Does reading magazines count?

Does reading magazines to see if you need to throw them out count as cleaning?

I always amaze myself with what I did not get done. I’m going to keep a timetable, see where time takes of to.

This was how my plan worked out, or, did not work out.

DONE

– Reading Seven weeks to sobriety.

– Then when I get cold I’ll shower and eat.

– Get my vitamins in, have been neglecting that.

– Call girlfriends, make appointments for the week.

– Clean the kitchen, livingroom and bedroom.

– Add: enjoy what you are doing and relax. I have added: don’t feel ‘in repair’, no need to hold back but that did not work very well yet.

NOT DONE

– food shopping. I need to do that because now I don’t drink anymore my food cravings are gone I forget to eat. This morning at 12:00 I noticed I had not eaten since 16:00 hours yesterday because I my arms suddenly started trembling and I got dizzy. Truth be said that yesterday’s meal was a very full load of lentil salad with vegetables, 3 spoons of olive oil and 60 grams of feta. Need to sort out that hypoglycemia stuff. Both my granddads had it, my brother has it bad and a niece of mine has diabetes. The book says hypoglycemia makes you extra vulnerable for alcohol addiction.

Thinking of a good plan: get regular sleeping hours and regular eating hours. I used to not be able to plan any food during the day because my cravings for different foods would send me everywhere. That is not the case anymore so in theory I could actually plan meals. In theory. Hmmm. One of my sober hopes / plans was to cook more elaborately. Wednesday I can cook to my hearts desire: 7 crochet girls coming over for dinner. That makes 8 mouths to feed, some vegetarian, some pescetarians and some regular. Prefab food is very much ‘not done’.

– Add: planning a date to make the plan to present the GP3. I did think about the planning during cleaning but I decided I could not decide what nutrient road to take if I do not also have the 2nd book I have ordered on this. Not sure if GP3 wants to see me anyhow. She asked if she needed to do active follow-up. I said no. Why, because I feel I’m ok. I also said that I would contact her if it was not ok. I do trust myself in that. In dealing with GP’s and other care takers I keep on wondering: would I trust me saying this? Would I trust an addicted person in saying ‘I don’t need you to follow me, I’ll come back myself’. I guess I would not, I do trust myself but because of the stigma’s and what have you I would not trust any other. Well, whom do I trust :-).

This imagined distrust that I project on everybody else puts a lot of fear and distrust of myself in me. It immediately gives a ‘see, can’t do anything right, might as well drink’ reaction. Little children in movies have that reaction when they told off about something they did not do. Would that be what makes dealing with addicted people so difficult? Unpredictable? I find in my life it is not helpful to see myself as an addict or alcoholic because of the stigma’s. It puts me down, it says; there is no way out for you, you will always be this and it is bad. While if I don’t think about it and just to my road to repairing me and having fun, I am doing very well.

Away with the thinking! My new sleep and eat plan:

To bed between 22:00 and 23:30 hours.

Wake up before 8:30 (pushing it here and now, need my sleep, internal voice: ‘Well if you need your sleep you go to bed EARLIER!’ Shut up, this is it for this week.)

Breakfast: no later than 9:30

Lunch: no later than 14:00

Dinner: no later than 19:00. Oooh, 19:00 is not going to work, know that already. But it will be if I keep on pushing the wake up time back to 5:00 where I would like to end. The best years of my life I woke up at 5:00 in the morning, went to bed at 21:00 hours, mostly to not be witness to the fights my parents had. And how’s that for setting myself up to fail with impossible planning? And even then, I still think I can do this. Relax, breathe, drink water.

– Mailed Health Recovery Shop of the book I am reading to see if they ship their nutrients to Europe. I can work it all out myself here but why? They obviously know their shit.

– Make a Bach remedy cocktail focussed on getting stuff done and moving away from the feeling that I am ‘still ill’ and ‘need to be carefull’.

ADDED IN BETWEEN

– Clean up bag of Celtic salt, check for tiny stones and put into 10 smaller jars.

– Clean juicer thoroughly

– Pat cat, lots of cat patting

– Write and read blogs – this takes a lot of time.

– Read magazines to see if I could chuck them out. Yes, I could.

– Cut old candles into pieces to add to new candles

– Do laundry

– Take out garbage, speak with neighbours

– Check facebook, check other fun websites for movies

Well, need to go do some shopping. Happy that I quit. Proud of it. Noticing that getting back into living and doing stuff is more difficult than not drinking. That is actually strange. Or not? I thought I was just getting rid of some of the crazy and here it is saying ‘Hi! I’m back!’.

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2 thoughts on “Does reading magazines count?

    • Thank you Miracle :-). Indeed I feel like I need to take it slowly, not set myself up for failure. Tried to write A Plan last night. Did not sleep well. It is funny to have the feeling to rebuild my life while being 43. I keep on writing 44, I am 43 actually. Need to pay better attention this time than I did the last time around. Almost everybody in the sober blogworld has children, they tend to set the pace for the day. If I let my cat do that I don’t think we would get up. 🙂 But, I need to grow up and carry my weight, follow my path. 🙂

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