12 Stepper in the closet

I have some serious doubts about the AA that I need to look into when time comes. It very much has to do with Initiative and power. Not trusting the AA road on those subjects :-D. It could very well be that in time to come I realise that it is my own power issue colliding with AA but we shall see.

During that time I follow what I call my organic growth path where I go look for answers to issues that bother me. Up to now it has meant a lot of internet searches on good food and how nutrition works and information on alcohol, detox and repairing from addiction. Lots of reading, loads of reading. Currently I am reading Craig Nakken’s ‘Addictive personality’. And I have come to discover that I might actually be a sort of natural born 12 stepper in the closet. Could be, could be.

Well, like this I just read, on living. He quotes from the bible I believe

‘I give you life. I give you death. Choose life.’ This, finally, is what recovery from addiction is all about – choosing life.’

That’s a thing that I worked out while drinking. I am choosing death, constantly. I don’t want that. I want to live.

Wouldn’t be surprised if the whole 12 step thing works out to be a program that sort of guides the natural organic process of getting clear and starting to live again after addiction along some, well 12 steps. But that is a thing that I do want to find out for myself. And preferably afterwards. Guess I am hanging on to control. Well, I need to do what is good for me and currently, I am doing fine.

Happy that I quit, proud of it.

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