3Kg down! And 5 if you include the weight gain I had the first days of quitting. Guessing the water weight is only coming off now, which would mean I was thoroughly dehydrated. That’s when the body needs time to believe that it can trust the quantity of fluids coming in before it starts to lose the reserves it got. My tongue has returned to its normal pink colour, no white wash anymore. Scallops on the sides are still there though but less pronounced.

And…. gonna jump into the black hole of the recovery sites set up by Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed. who thinks addiction to alcohol is partially a dietary thing that is caused by and causes a lack of neurotransmitters. This is what makes me very curious:

Many people who have a thirst for truth, spiritual development, a higher level of consciousness and self-discovery, are often drawn to the artificial “spiritual effects” of psychotropic substances, because of their ability to propel us into what appears to be the fast-track to spiritual bliss. This is not true spirituality; it is a deceptive illusion.

The high that is experienced with drugs and alcohol feels spiritual, because they all stimulate neurotransmitters in the brain, but when the drugs are gone, so is the euphoric bliss and the connection with the divine. So, when drug or alcohol use wipes out neurotransmitters, as it inevitably will, it takes our spirituality with it – thus where the deep, all-consuming, black hole in the gut that every addict has experienced originates.


With XTC we know the depression follows the intake. Man, people even get dimples in their skull. Why would the continuous feeling bad from alcohol addiction not at least partially be the same? I feel way better now I don’t drink and eat extremely healthy.

Also, I distrust people who focus on the powerless. Being powerless, is part of humanity, fighting it to stupid ends is too. I saw a woman get hit by a car. It left her nowhere. I have been addicted to alcohol, it left me nowhere. But I do not consider it smart to live within a thought of complete powerlessness every day. That’s not how it was meant. Animals don’t have that. They know where their power is and the know when to back off. Because of that they hardly ever hurt eachother badly, like humans do. Hmmm, is this where i’m getting to this ‘and the power to know the difference’ quote?

On power, the Ayahuasca said: ‘I have the right and the duty to defend myself.’ That’s all. The right refers to defending, keeping my bounderies, no attacking which is going outside of my bounderies because there is no such right as the right to attack. The duty refers to the duty to myself but also to the world in order to keep the balance. Letting bullies walk over me is bad for me, but also trains the bully into doing that more to others too. Attacking and imbalance are wrong on many levels but to me mostly on what I call a ‘biological’ level but that might not be the correct English word. I think that is what power is for, to keep a natural balance and to ensure survival of the fittest. The right and the duty to defend myself. Being big on being powerless just does not fit in there.

Then again, I did get the advice to take it with me that the base of my excistence seems to have been sculpted with this very thought of constant danger and powerlessness. Did not understand it then, starting to feel it now. Probably why, all in all, I very, very much dislike people repeating powerlessness constantly. To me it just very, very, very much feels like a set up for child abuse, or so.

Well, let’s see what mrs Perkins brings… But first I need to do stuff. No such thing as fun without punishment! Sigh. Way, way to go. But I’ve reclaimed my time from the booze so I’ve got time. And I am happy that I quit. Damn! Yeah!

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