Ghegheghe, I’ve only been out in the sober blog world for about 2 weeks and as you might have read I noticed from day 4 or 5 that I had sort of replaced drinking with being online. It takes a hell of a lot of time to write, check, rewrite posts and commenting. Which is good, time spent thinking is time without drinking, or so. 😀 But the time it takes and ooh, the commenting to other peoples posts; making sure I get all the I-statements right, deleting all the preaching, deleting all the smartass replies, deleting
all the non of the ‘I’ve read this book and….’, deleting exclamation marks and uppercase, deleting all the jokes that might be misunderstood or go down the wrong way. It takes ages. I have not come to writing ‘I’ in lower case, that seems to be A Thing but I don’t understand The Thing, and looking at my character I guess it takes about 37 years before I can change to lowercase. Sigh and sigh.
And even then… yesterday I replied with something on my brainwashing technique; if I notice negative repetitive thoughts I try to reverse them, see what it does to me, see where it hangs onto etc. I thought I saw somebody losing energy on repetitive negative thinking so I explained how I try to deal with that. And she replied: Yes! I’ll try to think more positive! Which of course is what, somewhere down the line, I said, but shit, I would never, ever, ever!! tell somebody that they ‘just need to cheer up and think positive’. Sorry Annie! It’s a can of worms and I think that maybe I should not be pulling them open unless I’ve got my power issues fixed. I feel so clumsy in this field. But how can I fix my issues if I don’t live? Go out, meet people, blog, reply? I wish I could say my intentions are good but having a major issue with power…. they happen to be not. It’s not that I deliberately try to out power people and have the intent to hurt, but I need to really take action not to. Guess that’s good-ish. Now get the knowledge, practise the skills.
Why? Because I want to be here, it is good for me. And I want to be able to comment, I want to try to share, learn to take in and take out equally. I don’t want to have written a comment, read back and think; I am not helping, I am just showing off, making sure I am noticed. Helping in itself of course is tricky because it also says: I know this stuff better than you / you are not coping, I see that. Or maybe, very maybe that is not that bad, to lend a hand so now and then. Dunno yet. I guess it’s all about the intentions. Got some work to do.
Once we went on a holiday where we kept scores of the people in the group. I ended up nr 1, 2 and 3 in the helpful category and nr 1, 2 and 3 in the anti-social category. Looking back, the anti-social behaviour was all about booze…
Soooooo, hey! I’m perfect now!!! 😀
Well, this is my blog helloooo. I can do the smartass stuff here.