Trying a day outside the house

Off to get organised for a full day of human contact outside the house, first to my therapist and afterwards to my brother and sister in law. Sleeping there. Why am I not looking forward to this? Because I haven’t found my feet yet. Afraid that people (specifically these people) start forcing their well meant care on me. Not listening, just forcefully advising and panicking, finally resulting in irritation because I’m trying to keep their forcefullness out and am not really picking up on their; ‘When I feel bad I go to bed early’. Blablablablabla. No you don’t! I know you, when you feel bad you drink, internet, go to bed late and don’t come out untill noon. And you my brother with your game addiction, you game, till deep in the night. The only moment you do not game is when you work. You have even made your kids accomplishes in these 16 plus games when they were 8 years old so every conversations you have is about gaming. And you fucker, part of the shit I am in is caused by you and your nasty little friends.

Hear hear the addict speaking to the addicts. Guess I need to wind down to make this a nice visit. Funny family structure now I come to think of it. Because all of us are going to try not to say or know any of this. Feels like home! 😀

Now there is a big trap in this meeting. Normally if I come back from these I drink myself senseless for 2 nights at least. Why was I thinking it is a good idea to see them?

I am still (still?) happy I quit. Breathe, relax and drink water.

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